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I have just joined this site and hope i could share how i feel with others.
I am normally a 100 miles an hour type of person but suddenly felt low and picked up viral throat infections then even after holiday continued to feel low, the locum doctor said i had post viral fatigue, great i thought a label at last, then it continued and my regular doctor said you have \"DEPRESSION\" I thought my world had ended, how i could i have that, i couldnt even say the word!!i cried and i very rarely cry!! It took me several days to get my head around it, even to the point of comparing the symptoms of PVS and Depression to see if she had mis diagnosed!
I struggled to tell anyone, for some reason that word seemed to have a stigma attached to it.. but as the doctor said it hits all types of people in all walks of life...I have still only told my immediate family,partner and best friend so far... but they have all been supportive, the hardest bit though is people constantly saying how are you feeling today on a daily basis, it gets so wearing that I find i try to push people away as I need to deal with how I am feeling. Selfish? yes maybe I am I have a fantastic family who love me but sometimes I want to be left alone.. the hardest was telling my grown up children, i feared they would see me as a failure! They didn't they were relieved as had been internally v worried about me as I just wasn't their super efficient, bubbly always on the go mum they were used to.. my younger son had said to me how he aspired to be a success like me, it broke my heart to tell him as wrongly i thought he would see me a failure.. he said mum I love you so much you could never ever be a failure in my eyes, i still aspire to be like you...My new partner has only been in my life a few months.. i push him away and yet he remains supportive, puts no pressure on me, if i want to meet fine, if i dont then that is fine too... What i am trying to say in my haphazard way is let people in, tell them what is wrong, i admit i stil have a long way to go with that but i am getting there... which leads me on now to Citalopram..
My doctor prescribed me 10mg once a day for a week, now up to 20mg per day.. i am on week 3 now.. so how do i feel..
I was feeling exhausted, sicky, headachey, drained, poor concentration, no enthusiasm, shutting myself away as been off work for a while now the doc said they would take several weeks to have a an impact.. the 1st week was hard i had headaches, no energy, felt worse than usual... wk 3 well any improvement? hmmm not so sure I have a day where i think yeah I am back but then the next day I can barely muster the energy to shower and so it goes... driving i find hard too, I am a very confident driver but now i find v cautious and drive a lot slower and it makes me tired.. I will stick with the tablets and see where they take me... i have also made myself get to the local gym twice a week as had let my fitness go.. it is hard to motivate and i feel shattered after but pleased i did it.. i set myself tasks each day and try and achieve them, if I don't i make myself do them the next day!which is harder..
I hope this helps and happy to chat if anyone wants too..I guess the hardest part is people always perceived me to be this happy, bubbly, never ill, always on the go lady and I have had (still trying ) to come to terms with this and letting go of work which has been tough i won't lie.. but like everyone i want to get better so i guess i have to continue my tablets and let my body tell me how it feels and stop putting pressure on myself...
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