Depression & Citalopram

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Hi

I have just joined this site and hope i could share how i feel with others.

I am normally a 100 miles an hour type of person but suddenly felt low and picked up viral throat infections then even after holiday continued to feel low, the locum doctor said i had post viral fatigue, great i thought a label at last, then it continued and my regular doctor said you have \"DEPRESSION\" I thought my world had ended, how i could i have that, i couldnt even say the word!!i cried and i very rarely cry!! It took me several days to get my head around it, even to the point of comparing the symptoms of PVS and Depression to see if she had mis diagnosed!

I struggled to tell anyone, for some reason that word seemed to have a stigma attached to it.. but as the doctor said it hits all types of people in all walks of life...I have still only told my immediate family,partner and best friend so far... but they have all been supportive, the hardest bit though is people constantly saying how are you feeling today on a daily basis, it gets so wearing that I find i try to push people away as I need to deal with how I am feeling. Selfish? yes maybe I am I have a fantastic family who love me but sometimes I want to be left alone.. the hardest was telling my grown up children, i feared they would see me as a failure! They didn't they were relieved as had been internally v worried about me as I just wasn't their super efficient, bubbly always on the go mum they were used to.. my younger son had said to me how he aspired to be a success like me, it broke my heart to tell him as wrongly i thought he would see me a failure.. he said mum I love you so much you could never ever be a failure in my eyes, i still aspire to be like you...My new partner has only been in my life a few months.. i push him away and yet he remains supportive, puts no pressure on me, if i want to meet fine, if i dont then that is fine too... What i am trying to say in my haphazard way is let people in, tell them what is wrong, i admit i stil have a long way to go with that but i am getting there... which leads me on now to Citalopram..

My doctor prescribed me 10mg once a day for a week, now up to 20mg per day.. i am on week 3 now.. so how do i feel..

I was feeling exhausted, sicky, headachey, drained, poor concentration, no enthusiasm, shutting myself away as been off work for a while now sad the doc said they would take several weeks to have a an impact.. the 1st week was hard i had headaches, no energy, felt worse than usual... wk 3 well any improvement? hmmm not so sure I have a day where i think yeah I am back but then the next day I can barely muster the energy to shower and so it goes... driving i find hard too, I am a very confident driver but now i find v cautious and drive a lot slower and it makes me tired.. I will stick with the tablets and see where they take me... i have also made myself get to the local gym twice a week as had let my fitness go.. it is hard to motivate and i feel shattered after but pleased i did it.. i set myself tasks each day and try and achieve them, if I don't i make myself do them the next day!which is harder..smile

I hope this helps and happy to chat if anyone wants too..I guess the hardest part is people always perceived me to be this happy, bubbly, never ill, always on the go lady and I have had (still trying ) to come to terms with this and letting go of work which has been tough i won't lie.. but like everyone i want to get better so i guess i have to continue my tablets and let my body tell me how it feels and stop putting pressure on myself...

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  • Posted

    Hi you sound so much like me am on the go all the time busy busy busy with family work ect ... but i have started having anxiety and panic attacks and wasnt sleeping so i went to see the doctor and they prescribed me cit 20mg over 2 weeks ago but i wouldnt take them because of the side effects but a councillor rang me on tuesday to ask me how i was getting on when i said i hadnt took them she told me to take them and i would be ok ... so i took one tues pm knocked me out slept like a log but the next day i was a million miles away could do anything except lie down ... horrible .. couldnt talk walk think ... it wore off about 4 ish so i thought am off work until monday so by then i will be ok .. everyday i have felt the same feeling sick feeling like its not my body..just feeling strange but every day it has wore off a little bit quicker and then today i have felt stange all day so i dont know weather to drop down to 10mg for next week or so or shall i continue because am due in work on monday and at this rate i wont be able to go ... please let me know if you felt any different taking 10mg to 20mg
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  • Posted

    Hi Sue

    Hope u r ok, apologies for the delay in replying I actually went to my partner for the weekend, but have to say home now and after a busy weekend and driving i am shattered..

    You soundlike you have been having quite a time of it.. I have had some sicky days and i get dizzy spells and headaches but i feel like one step forward then I go back. I have been off work for about 3 months now with attempts to go back but then i am too tired again.. crazy..

    I too did not want to take the tabs and it took me a week to get my head around this depression and tablets b4 i finally went back and agreed. the doctor said it would take 4-6 weeks for them to really kick in and to notice a difference .. which is why i am persisting with them.. i just want to get better and back to how I was if that is possible..

    Have you take much time off work.. it could be that you to need some time off.. currently i havent got the energy to do it.. i am off for another week then i am gonna try and get back but am scared have been off for so long...

    I think you should keep with the tabs, however i did start with 10mg for 1 week and then onto 20mg per day and maybe it is worth discussing with the doctor to reduce then increase to give your body time to adjust .i believe there is light at the end of the tunnel...Why don't you go see the doctor in the morning and suggest this lower dose and also discuss your fitness to work?? as i said i have not really told many people and i confess because i dont live with my partner i have not mentioned the tabs to him only my immediate family know..

    Keep in touch and let me know how you get on , happy to talk anytime if you would like too, its good to talk to someone that understands what the other is feeling, doesnt matter how much people try they don't understand unless they have experienced it TC GG

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  • Posted

    just read your experience on the forum, i have good days and very VERY bad days. its realy hard and iv been on meds for many years. hope your keeping well. smile
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  • Posted

    Hi Annemarie

    Hope u r well smile

    I am on to wk 6 of the tabs and starting to feel much brighter, I still get tired but I can feel some of my sparkle coming back. I am still off work been four months on and off but i hope to start back next week. It will be hard and i am frightened of how i will feel but i have to get back!

    I hope things are going well for you, keep in touch.

    GG smile

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  • Posted

    hi GG hope your doing ok, am not to bad thanx, had couple zopiclone tabs of dr. to help me deal with disturbed sleep during the night. able to cope better after some sleep so feeling lot calmer and less anxious now. smile take care :wink:
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  • Posted

    Hi Anne Marie

    Good to hear from you, must admit my sleeping pattern has been rubbish! I am feeling much brighter and finally start back to work tomorrow, kinda excited as been a long time but v nervous as well at least its a short week :D Hope you continue to improve I shall keep on with the tablets they seem to be working, still get tired but not to the extent that i did..Hope ur week is going well TC GG smile

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  • Posted

    hi GG great news so glad your feeling well, just be kind to yourself dont pile the pressure on to much it takes a long time to be able to cope with everything life throws at you. any positive thoughts are good ones so good luck. smile
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  • Posted

    Hi Anne Marie

    Thank you for your kind words smile i know i tended to think i was invincible!! This has all been a massive wake up call, i know deep down i have to take the first steps slowly and build up but i am impatient so i will have to discipline myself smile Hope all is good with you too TC GG

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