Depression and anxiety..
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How does anyone deal with depression and anxiety at the same time? Today it has hit me harder than ever... I think it's because this time last year, my now husband left me for someone else and it still eats at me. Today I haven't felt myself at all. Dealing with odd headached, and I have a feeling of being unreal... I don't know how to handle this until Monday when I can call my doctor for help but I can't do this... I've been crying on and off all day because I'm scared and hate this feeling..
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lisalisa67 victoria90562
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victoria90562 lisalisa67
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claudia90123 victoria90562
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Its understandable that you find it hard to trust him now and anyone in your position would be a little wary, but also depression and low-self esteem can make anything seem worse than it is and make you obsess over stuff. That whirlpool of illogical thought is a horrible thing to go through.
I think that now you have married him you have to make a choice. Do you think that, these thoughts aside (and assuming he's a good boy from now on), your relationship has enough good qualities for you to have a happy life together? There's no judgement in that question btw, it's something you should probably be fairly analytical and honest with yourself about. I say this because if the answer is yes, you will need to be able to hold that vision in your head to sustain determination for the next bit. The hard bit is that you will have to commit to trusting him completely and breaking off all the negative thought cycles if you don't want your own brain to poison your relationship and jeopardise your happiness. You'll have to wilfully ignore everything that flags up a warning in your head. He's chosen you now, for life, and for your own happiness you have to give him the chance to be the person you want him to be.
This is going to require enormous will power to start with and I don't think I could do it alone, so I'd suggest getting some CBT to help you to change your thought patterns and find ways of controlling the suspicion and fretting until it gets easier. In time the trust won't need to be forced.
Its not fair that he cheated and you have to do the work to get over it, but it's your only option if you want a chance with him I'm afraid. I'd put a time limit on it, so that the task doesn't feel so overwhelming. You will know how what feels right to you - say 2 years? 5 years? It seems a long time but it's better than contemplating a lifetime of effort. And then if things haven't improved you can call it quits or at least reassess. At least you'll know that it wasn't down to your lack of effort that the marriage hasn't worked. And if he ever does cheat again after that, god forbid, drop him and don't look back.
As as for the anxiety, trying to control it makes it worse, and then next time fear of the symptoms ratchets up the anxiety even more. The best thing is to relax and let it blow through you - kind of detaching yourself and watching from the sidelines. Think of the physical symptoms as like a cold or a period pain that comes and goes. After a while you'll stop fearing it and tensing up, and it will go away.
Good luck, I don't envy you your current position, but if you play this right you could end up with a wonderful happy marriage, and that's something to look forward to.