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Depression and anxiety for nearly 20 years

Posted , 4 users are following.

sam56613
sam56613

I am 31 year old male suffering from severe depression and anxiety. I am on medication (Setraline 100mg) and have had CBT in the past.

I have been off work for 4 weeks and was off earlier this year for around 6 weeks. I can't cope with the stress of my job and life in general. All I can think about is killing myself. I am not eatting and all I do is lay in bed all day. 

I live with my wife and we are expecting our 1st child in 7 and a half weeks but even this does not bring any joy to my life.

Nothing can help me. I feel hopeless and ashamed that I am putting my family through this. 

I have episodes of anxiety and depression at least twice a year and this ultimately leads to taking time off work.

I get angry with myself and usually end up taking it out on those closest to me. 

1 like, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • tracie20455
    tracie20455 sam56613

    Posted

    I do not really have a suggestion for you other than to see your GP again as your medication might need tweaking, and to say that the last trimester of a womans pregnancy can be a very difficult time for the couple but that once the baby comes along there won't be any time to feel anxious and you will just want to show the baby off to the world. 
    • sam56613
      sam56613 tracie20455

      Posted

      Thanks Tracie.

      I was supposed to get to the doctors this week but I keep putting things off as I have no energy to get up. 

      My sister is going to take me to the doctors on Mon.

      I truely hope you are right that things will improve because right now I feel so overwhelmed and just feel like crying all the time.

    • tracie20455
      tracie20455 sam56613

      Posted

      Aw bless ya... They will improve, but a doctor visit is a must...it's good that you have a supportive sister too, that helps! Getting out the door is sometimes such a chore isn't it, but you will be glad you did once you start to feel better... I do hope you start to feel better soon, and enjoy the exciting journey ahead... Parenthood is a gift... My babies are my life, well i should stop calling them that really as they are 22, 19 and 16...!!!!!
    • sam56613
      sam56613 tracie20455

      Posted

      Wow 3 kids! We are having a boy so I cannot wait to see his little face. 

      I haven't been out since Monday this week when I picked up my wife from work. But yes, getting out is good. The fresh air just makes you instantly feel better.

      Getting out right now is tough though as I feel suicidial and my wife and family don't trust me to go out alone. To be honest I don't really want to go out myself. 

      On the face of it I should be happy given I have a beautiful wife, home, loving family and a good job but I just fear change and most recently my new boss at work is a beep beep beep! Telling me I am more or less useless and making the life of myself and others hell by setting unrealistiv targets! Just thinking about him now is making me angry!

    • tracie20455
      tracie20455 sam56613

      Posted

      Change is what seems to trigger me off too! Even positive change, but you sound excited about your little boy coming... Life will change for the better, kids are honestly a joy!  And once you feel a little better perhaps tackle the new boss if you feel brave enough....it's rough when someone at work is being a prat...and if you are sensitive, which alot of anxiety sufferers are, can really put us back...are you off work for the weekend?
    • sam56613
      sam56613 tracie20455

      Posted

      I am excited about my son but not going to work means no money. Which makes more anxious about the future.

      I only work Monday to Friday's but am going to get up at midday tomorrow rather than 6pm tomorrow. Have something to eat, get ready and go for a walk with my wife. Small steps will get me back into a routine.

      I have to leave my job as it makes me miserable because of the constant change and the unsupportive environment.

    • tracie20455
      tracie20455 sam56613

      Posted

      Good luck, that's a good plan, short term, and longer term! 
    • tracie20455
      tracie20455 sam56613

      Posted

      You are welcome... We all understand here about what you are going through and hoping you feel better soon
  • ghirl
    ghirl sam56613

    Posted

    Sam, do you think the sertaline is dulling your responses to life....I was on them for four years ...same dose as you. Its driving me crazy ...off them cold turkey for three weeks...I'm arguing like a b...crying. Juddering. But see it as  waking up...don't know ...I'm no professional..just feels right thing for me to do ...
    • sam56613
      sam56613 ghirl

      Posted

      Hi,

      I wouldn't go cold turkey without consulting your doctor. 

      I have been on citalopram previously and they didn't do a thing either.

      If you have consulted your doctor then you should be gradually reducing your dosage.

      stay well

    • ghirl
      ghirl sam56613

      Posted

      Makes no odds Sam.  Sick of looking at myself looking in ...I want me back ...Ive been bounced around all anti depressants over the last 25 years. On and off...I can't make sense of it...all I know in retrospect I've felt more me and achieved more off them. 
    • sam56613
      sam56613 ghirl

      Posted

      I kind of understand but you need to consult your doctor.

      Stay positive!

    • ghirl
      ghirl sam56613

      Posted

      I feel  going crazy but I feel alive ..I have four children ...raised them by myself, none of the father's are remotely interested, you'll be a good dad, you have a pure innocent life to fill with so much love...take that opportinity, embrace it, and one day you may find its the only drug you need 
    • sam56613
      sam56613 ghirl

      Posted

      Thanks. That is really nice of u to say.

      You should be proud that u have raised 4 children single handandly. I am sure the love you receive from them is amazing and beautiful!

    • ghirl
      ghirl sam56613

      Posted

      Lol. Three teenage girls ....hardly ...just be glad your having a lad
    • sam56613
      sam56613 ghirl

      Posted

      All part of the fun of life! I feel sorry for the one boy!
    • ghirl
      ghirl sam56613

      Posted

      Don't he's 30 ..survived it. My kids are my soul.maybe your bhoy will be your lad will be. You can't flake on that innocence. My lad has two ghirls of his own. At best..smile like you mean it..tonight I was so low. Safety in numbers. Dont mean I was suicidal..been there wore the t shirt ...just needed a talk down. Just got to plod on through this withdrawal ..there's better for you to come..if work gets tough there is help and support..when the girls were babies ...all under 5 I was teaching...kids with behavioural probs...I was up at 5.30 didn't get them til 5 in the evening. They were in before school and after school nurseries. ..I'd do.the tea. Bath n bed them then do lesson plans and marking til about 10 then start the day again..then I broke down. Went on the sick for 12 mths. Now I work 
    • sam56613
      sam56613 ghirl

      Posted

      But you got through it!

      Hope you are feelings better today

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