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Depression and Anxiety..living alone. Help!

Posted , 8 users are following.

Mistedmind
Mistedmind

Hello Everyone, I have just joined here but I have been reading the forums for sometime. So this is going to be quite a long story so bear with me.

Just over 3 years ago I moved from my birth city about an hour south for my then fiances job. 3 days in I woke up in the morning with irrational thoughts, panicked and basically in a really bad state. I got an emergency appointment at the doctors because I couldn't function. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and put on 50mg of Sertraline. Long story short and many up doses later (150mg per day) I had found my therapeutic dose and was stable for 2 and a half years.

November 2015 I found myself slowly regressing but thought it was due to lifestyle as I hadn't worked for these 3 years. So I found myself a lovely little job (my boss is extremely understanding) and my mood lifted. Sadly one thought that remained for the whole 3 years is that I was falling out of love with my fiancé. So 2 months ago I left. I went to live with my Dad and continued going to work but the commute was too much. Two weeks ago I secured a little bungalow 15 mins away from work and was feeling positive. However yesterday morning (after my second night staying there) I woke up once again in a state. I couldn't get out of bed which only added fuel to the fire..I should've gone to work as all day I made myself worse. Had to have another emergency doctors visit to which he suggested switching to Citalopram. Even though my feelings are understandable due to the external circumstances he did pick up on the fact that I had been feeling lower even before the decision to leave my fiance of 11 years.

I'm struggling....I'm actually back to the familiar home atm with my ex (we are still friends) and I'm dreading going back to my bungalow to be alone with my thoughts. I know I need to learn to be comfortable alone and I can't keep running away back to the ex. It's just not fair. But I can't cope. I'm terrified. I wake up in the morning and feel awful. And the thought of the rest of the day and trying to get through it alone just makes me panic and cry constantly. I'm so depressed and anxious...I don't know what to do for the best. Help me please.

Mist

1 like, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • lillie46665
    lillie46665 Mistedmind

    Posted

    Doctors are sometimes too quick to change medication

    I would say your problem is stress because of moving home etc and stress makes anxiety worse.

    Living alone is a big thing when my anxiety started at first I used to sit on the doorstep in the middle of winter in the middle of the night because I was afraid I would collapse and no one would find me.

    A few years later and I have accepted that I have anxiety  I has bloods ecg ct scans endoscopes and all was clear

    With a medication change and therapy I feel better.

    I dont think you are ever cured on anxiety/panic you just have to manage it

    Take Care

    Lilx

    • Mistedmind
      Mistedmind lillie46665

      Posted

      Thanks Lil, I know I'm never going to be rid of my demons but you can never prepare yourself for falling back down the black hole.

      I am trying so hard to think positively and help myself which is why I have turned to sharing with you guys. I always feel better when I know I am not the only one struggling to get a grasp of life. I just can't see how things are going to get better and as mentioned living and being on my own terrifies me.

      I don't know if this makes sense but I am suicidal however I don't want to die..

    • lillie46665
      lillie46665 Mistedmind

      Posted

      Well I know how you feel for years with my depresssion I have attenpted suicide several times since getting anxiety I am afraid of dying

      Its crazy

      Im on sertraline 200mg and that keeps me on the straight and narrow I still have low days and anxious days but like you I try and stay positive

      Lil x

  • g.90572
    g.90572 Mistedmind

    Posted

    living alone is hard it's hard work are you making any friends at workhave you thought about going to school or studying for something?have you thought about getting a roommate or do you need to be alone. We all know the perils of a roommate. take up a hobby or join some clubsOr group therapy
    • Mistedmind
      Mistedmind g.90572

      Posted

      I've been thinking of joining a choir or something that interests me like drama but atm it's finding the energy and willpower to do so. I know I need to push myself but after 11 years it's difficult to put myself back out there even though it's just for friendship.

      There are only 3 of us at work...my boss and another girl I work with...you can see the Christmas party is going to be manic lol

      But I do agree with you that I need to increase my network of friends and people around me.

    • g.90572
      g.90572 Mistedmind

      Posted

      it's good that you have talents and interests you could join the choir andfocus on your talent and avoid the therapy and medication route to feel better
  • Guest
    Guest Mistedmind

    Posted

    Mind if I ask which irrational thoughts are you having? It helps to know that you're not the only one having "these kinds of thoughts". Trust me on this, I have the world's most weird thoughts and imagination.
    • iris46
      iris46 Guest

      Posted

      I had a phobia about putting socks on! I also disliked walking thru dining room to kitchen because one light bulb was out and it made the room look drab. It's all to do with the imbalance of serotonin how long have you been on meds?
    • Guest
      Guest iris46

      Posted

      Don't pay too much attention to your toughts. Or, even better, just acknowledge them and "let them be", they will pass. Your mind wants something to thinkg about.. that's what they do. When you are afraid of your thoughts, you fuel them to continue.

      You need to train yourself to not "concentrate" on your thoughts.. the opposed to concentrate,, open up your mind, let it just be. It might help, at start to let you focus your attention on something else.

       

  • hannah5555
    hannah5555 Mistedmind

    Posted

    Hi mistedmind!

    I'd love to know how you are getting on. I'm in a very similar situation. I currently live with my ex boyfriend. We both have partners now but I can't move in with him for various reasons. So I'm moving in alone in a few months and moving miles away from my friends and my home of 15 years. I'm also terrified. I can't even stand being in this flat on my own and don't think I'm going to cope at all well when I move. My anxiety has been so bad for the last year. My doctor pit me on sertraline last week and it totally ruined me. I had to come off them straight away. It was like a living nightmare.

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