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Depression and damage of self esteem

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pranav70133
pranav70133

Hello

 

I am 23 years of age. I am severely suffering from some unknown disease. I often feel like I am good at nothing. I avoid talking to people because I think I would sound stupid to them and they even won’t listen to me because I am stupid. I don’t have any friends to talk to. I don’t have any hobby. I don’t have any gf to talk to. I feel like I am worst and no girl would even talk a stupid guy like me. I also feel that no one will ever marry me because I am the dumbest guy on the earth I often wonder why I feel like jumping from a tall building or running railway. I know that I won’t do suicide for sure( Trust me I wont) but still occurrence of suicidal thoughts in mind out of nowhere is really irritating me. I know that it can be attributed to a mental state of severe depression. To pacify these feelings, I prefer to eat a lot and sleep (the only time when I don’t think of all this s**t).

       I have constant headache and eye pains. I feel tensed to talk to my classmates because I feel I may sound stupid to them. I am caught in this vicious circle since last month and I often cry a lot almost every day.  The conditions are worsening day by day. I also get tensed while doing smallest of the things.(Example:1. I feel very tensed while I am in ATM because I am worried about whether money will come out or not!!)

     I haven’t share this with anyone as I know I have no one who will listen to my sad story. I also don’t want to bother my parents. They want me to make them proud which in turn is not being possible as I am unable to deliver to their expectations. They are very careerist and want me to be on top always . It is not getting possible for me to stand up to their expectations. I don’t want any words of sympathy from anyone because I don’t expect them either from anyone.  I can’t tolerate this anymore. I please help me out.

0 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 pranav70133

    Posted

    Hi Pranav - the first step is to consult a doctor. You need to be open and totally honest about what you are feeling. If it helps, write down what you feel and take that list with you. The doc may prescribe meds to help balance your mood. Meds are a tool and should be used in conjunction with therapy. Therapy will allow you to dig down inside to identify why you feel the way you do. I would suggest that the pressure from your parents to excel is not helping the situation. You have not stated how old you are. If you are not of age, your parents may need to be involved to get you help. I know you have written that you don't wish to bother them about this, but anxiety and depression can snowball out of control if not addressed. Your parents will need to understand that you are not well, and the illness needs attention just like any physical injury. Your suicidal ideation is about escaping the situation you are in. It is not an answer. The answer is to face this demon, understand it, and allow yourself to be treated for it. No-one else needs to know, and it is not 'weak' or 'unmanly' to seek help. Seeking help is the mature, responsible, adult thing to do, and you will thank yourself for it later. Best of luck to you whatever you decide.

  • badgerbane
    badgerbane pranav70133

    Posted

    I was in your position last week, 24/m.

    My gf was the one who forced me to go to the doctors. Just book an appointment, and when you go into his office, blankly state 'I think I have depression'.

    Answer any questions they ask you truthfully and get yourself on the path to recovery. I'm currently on some antidepressants (sertraline) and I've got councelling and psychiatry sessions booked in for the next few weeks.

    I'll warn you, the antidepressants are awful. The initial side effects can be really bad, especially if you're unlucky like me and get a lot of the common ones at once, but it'll be worth it. IF you're serious about wanting to get your life together, the first step is to talk to a doctor. They will listen and understand, they've seen thousands of people like you and will know what to do. Personally, I haven't told my parents yet, and I hope I don't need to (these antidepressants have made me a bit twitchy, so they might end up noticing).

    TL:DR There are people out there who will give a damn about you, either through kindness or because it's their job to. Find those people.

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