Depression and Intimacy

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*A bit graphic and might not suit everyone's reading*.

I've suffered and battled depression for 11 years officially but I think I've had depression much longer!  My problem is, it's really affecting my marriage.  I have a major problem with intimacy and am scared that my husband will find someone else.  He works away so has ample opportunity to have 'another life'.  I feel so much weight on my shoulders to be the wife I should be but I just can't.  I'm sure my medication plays a huge part in this as well as my past.  I witnessed a lot of sexual activity as a young child (5 years and upwards) from my parents who were extremely active and very selfish.  I came across pornographic photos of my parents in various sexual scenes on my bed, on my sisters bed, in our living room, kitchen table etc, with VERY graphic images.  I live in Spain no don't have a very good support system here, the health service is difficult with the language barrier and I feel that as long as they are dishing out the tablets they feel their work is done.  Does anyone have any advice for me on how I can deal with this?  Thanks in advance x

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  • Posted

    CBT, change your thought patterns and you change your world. Meditation and mindfulness are great and going to classes eg Buddhist groups do them etc can help. Eastern practices like the latter are increasingly included in therapy for depression. I can vouch for their effectiveness. I would advise you to take up yoga, it's great for relaxation and often you'll be taught meditation too. Also work on thinking more positively, there's plenty of guides on the internet on cultivating a positive mental attitude. It may help to pay for CBT if you can afford it. The good therapists can charge upwards of £40 an hour, but (with your effort) you might see a result in 8-10 sessions. Until you find the latter it may help to have an outlet, be it a trusted friend (not your husbund as you may wish to talk about marriage issues with somebody impartial) or art/music. Buenas suerte señora!
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    • Posted

      This is good advice. i would say you may need counselling before cbt to sort through your childhood but both work well.

      I would like to add though that cost is not a good reflection on how good a therapist is. There are not good ones that are expensive and some very good ones that are not. My wife now sees a very well qualified therapist for £35. The important thing is to check their qualifications. Some may only have a counselling qualification while others may have degrees in psychotherapy. Also there are online ones and therapists which work over the phone if you want a UK based one.

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  • Posted

    Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is really good.  I found a course on line.  Whereabouts in Spain are you, would it be possible to find some Brits locally?

    Maybe seek some British online sex therapy?  Sorry I can't be much help, it sounds like you at least need to talk to someone who speaks good English about your childhood.  Meditation and yoga can help you let go of past fears and upsets. Good luck.cool

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  • Posted

    Thank you all for your input and suggestions.  It's really difficult to trust people with such an intimate subject. I don't think I'd feel comfortable speaking with other people face to face.  It's such a horrible and sensitive subject x
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  • Posted

    Actually anti depressants can affect your sex drive and can also make it difficult to climax.  Could you get back to the UK at some point and see a GP?
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  • Posted

    Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is really good. I tried and now i believe in it.
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