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So basically.. I dropped out of uni after a year and a bit due to both losing interest in my course/career path it would take me down & quite bad depression. I moved back home with my parents, saw a doctor but nothing really came of it as I was just told to see how I felt after not being at uni. I got a job, started running and pretty much thought I'd sorted it out. I felt positive nearly all the time and even booked a trip to travel. After a few months at home I went travelling for 2 months and loved it, but did feel the depression slipping back at times - I put it down to being somewhere new and loneliness. I was so happy when I got home but have more and more felt it creeping back up on me and, although I don't really CONSIDERS suicide, I have thought of it regularly if that makes sense? - I took an overdose last year and instantly realised I couldn't do it simply because of how awful I knew it would make my parents feel, there was too much guilt. I'm now on my second trip, with a friend for a bit so no loneliness but I don't trust that the depression is gone. The main point is I'm meant to be going to Australia next year to do a year working holiday. I'm meant to go in January and have my visa and flight sorted. But I'm scared. I'm scared that moving all the way over there with no support and this depression that seems to be showing up again, might be a bad idea, if I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning how am I supposed to make friends (I know no one in the city I plan to work in) and be good at whatever job I get there. I feel like maybe I should cancel the flight (the visa is valid until August so as long as I start the year WH by then I won't lose it) and stay home, work, go to a doctor and try and really, really get to the bottom of my depression and really sort it out. I know I could go to a doctor there and get some sort of help but I wouldn't have my family or friends (even if I'm not talking to them all about depression, just knowing they're there and not on the other side of the world helps). The only thing is this means living at home again (I'm 20) I get on well with my parents but just feel so young and immature when I live at home, yet at the same time I feel like I never want to leave because it's a comfort zone (I was never like this before - I was at uni for a year and loved it, loved the independence until the depression got bad. And I do love travelling but I miss home) Do I need to just get on with it and go and get out of my comfort zone or do I need to sort this out properly and go to Australia a happier, healthier person with energy and without the risk of falling into a lonely horrible depressed hole again? I just don't know, any help would be great and I'm sorry for such a long post!
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