depression coming back

Posted , 3 users are following.

need some advice i suffer with depression, i thought i overcome it but its appearing again, found out my boyfriend has been engaged for last 5 years, none of us have ended it i cant seem to do it my child has text him saying you need end as mum cant, but he wont text/call me etc its been 3 weeks now with no communication, i need this closure i cant eat hardly sleeping crying every night, he engaged why wont he give me closure hes got stuff here and hes got some my stuff at his, his fiance has contacted me, said she going leave him etc but she stayed with him and wants me leave him i just cant, he also promised kids with me etc but when told him i was late he said he had snip i showed his fiance confused on what to believe too, hes told her he dont know me and my kids 

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  • Posted

    You have to decide if you'll let someone rule over you like he is ruling over you and his fiance who he has not married after 5 years engaged . what you are going through now shows you are getting closure. Eat right and take care of yourself. He has been forced to make a choice

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  • Posted

    Please, sarah67295, don't get depressed: allow yourself to feel your feelings, and get angry! and see your local court about getting child support.  Put together whatever records you have from when your child was born: is he on the birth certificate, was he there, did he pay anything for the birth, etc.  Now is not the time to hurt yourself by getting depressed, it is the time to stand up for yourself and your child and take care of yourself by NOT getting depressed. I know if you feel your feelings you'll feel the pain, but you're already feeling it and depression will only bury and delay the pain, not take it away permanently. Push yourself to eat right, sleep, take meds, get out and walk, to to work if you have a job, take extra good care of your child, and talk with legal aid about whatever rights to support or whatever you have to get from him.  DO NOT let your child take care of you -- that is not a good model or message.  This is a real crossroad in your life: you get to choose who you are going to be: A good mom, a strong woman who takes care of herself and her family; or someone who gives in to depression and depends on others to care for you.  You CAN choose and you CAN do it.  Play the part of a strong confident woman and eventually you will become one. It's true.

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  • Posted

    my kids are not his children, and his only been engaged 18 mths sorry hes been with her 5 yrs there, he has not even got his own home lives in shared house, i dont feel like i have closure untill one of us has decided to end it but hes refusing to meet up to discuss it , what if he turns up if i move on and with someone else and says thats my gf etc he has stuff here he wont come and get 
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    • Posted

      Move his stuff all together so he can get it out easily without disturbing you or what you're doing. Persist in letting him know he needs to pick up his stuff. Since this will give you closure

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  • Posted

    Dear sarah67295 - Thanks for the info.  It sounded like one of the children was his.  Appreciate the update.  As to your current situation: by not contacting you, he is revealing more and more about who he is, his character.  He is being extremely cruel to you and your chlldren (if they attached to him, esp. as a father figure).  I think he is a coward for not giving you better closure and not giving you what you want, but you have to accept this - his going away and then silence - may be the only thing you get. Anyway, why do you want a cruel, cowardly, lying man who abuses you like this to return to you?  Treat yourself right.  Leave him a message that if he doen't pick up his stuff within a certain # of days you're going to throw it out - check with legal aid or the local law office or check on the Internet to be sure you can do this or if there is a required number of days.  Then start to rebuild your life.  You don't have the closure you wanted, but he's not the man you thought he was, either. Don't go backward - that's only more pain and abuse.  Go forward.  Protect yourself and your children.  Make a plan - and work the plan - even little steps get you going in the right direction. I know it's hard, but you have to do something.  Don't give him the power.  Empower yourself.  YOU are worth it.  We're here to love and support you.

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  • Posted

    You might want to contact this man using regular mail and maybe mail him some small items before you decide what to do with his things
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    • Posted

      cant mail them most of them are tools he has no clothes here just work tools etc and also i dont understand why he lives where he lives if planning get marries his fiance only 23 who lives with her parents still hes 44 and rents out one room and shares the amenities
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  • Posted

    thankyou i just want to know why he wont say its over, why just walk away as if we never existed it hurts so much 
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    • Posted

      I know this is terrible - and you are in terrible and you want him to act certain ways but you don't have control over what he does, you only have control over what you think, feel, say, and do.  Notice I didn't say mail his stuff back, I said tell him you're going to throw it away.  If you want to be healthy, for you and your kids, please stop focusing on him and what you want him to to and put that energy to better use - focus on you, and moving forward.  I know it hurts like heck, but if you coast in one place waiting for him you are just going to get worse.  But if you act like it's over, and move forward taking care of yourself - eat right, rest, stop dwelling on him and what could have, should have been etc -- eventually the pain should lessen and you should feel better.  Your choice: coast, stay in pain, give all control to him?  Or make the call, put his stuff where you can't see it, go through with what you told him (assuming it's legal), assume you are broken up, cry all you want (where your children can't see or hear you) but pick yourself up and go on.  If not for you, for your children.  Children watch their parent and learn values and how to behave from them.  How you handle this will teach your sons how men should treat women and, if you have a or any daughters, you will teach them how to "handle" men.  Think hard about this, because it's true.  What do you want them to learn from you by what you do and say in this yes, painful, but pivotal "teachable moment"?   I apologize if a come on strong but I was depressed for many years and I learned a lot of lessons - trying to be helpful because I do care so much.   

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  • Posted

    thanks everyone, i dont want him back but do want to remain friends with him just dont no how when he given me silent treatment 
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