Depression, Engagement Anxiety, ROCD Recovery
Posted , 2 users are following.
hello all,
I've been wanting to share my story online and see if someone can relate to what I'm going through and if anyone has any tips or stories.
About 5 weeks ago I was set to go the Bahamas with my family, friends, and my girlfriend. We have been dating for 10 months and we both felt great about getting engaged. We have common interests, like each other's families, and have the same core beliefs. We shopped rings and I bought one. I was ready to take the next step and felt like this was right, until the week before the trip. That week i had a horrible bout of depression hit me unlike any I'd ever seen. I had a history of depression but nothing i couldn't beat and fight on my own and with friends but this was different. I lost interest in my activities, socializing, and was tired all the time. I wasn't even excited about the trip. I also had lost all the positive emotion i had for my partner. Anxiety also hit me at this time and made me want to push away my partner and cut all ties with her. I have terrible intrusive thoughts and "gut" feelings of if I really love her and trying to magnify small petty problems I have here and there with her. It's also like my "emotional memory" is gone. I can remember all of the great dates and things we've done, but I can't feel them if that makes sense. It's awful. How could I go from feeling like she's the one and I'm ready for a lifetime commitment to having these awful feelings?
The trip happens and i don't propose. I had told my gf what was going on with me well before the trip and she was very understanding and did her best to keep me engaged with the trip. My feelings didn't really improve, so I took the problem head on as soon as I got back. I got an appointment with my primary and she insisted i get started on a low dosage of Lexapro and gave me referrals for a therapist.
I get on the medicine and find a counselor that has an opening (none of my referrals had any) and it's been 3 weeks since I started. I've had two total sessions with my counselor. I'm feeling better now and seem to be improving little by little everyday. I still have intrusive thoughts and bouts of ROCD where all I can focus on is if i truly care about this relationship, but I'm learning to cope and fight them off. When I'm with my gf everything feels normal and good and safe. Sometimes, I have a little bit of anxiety in the back of my mind when we're together, but other than that, it feels normal. In fact, this issue has driven us to work together in our faith a little more. When I'm alone the anxiety seems to find its way back and can fill me with doubt. I feel like normal me with energy and stable moods sometimes, but the intrusive thoughts still come and can truly convince me I don't love my gf. I believe this anxiety was triggered by the proposing because my last serious relationship 3 years ago lasted a year and she broke up with me all of a sudden and out of nowhere. Things in that relationship were not good and it was truly for the best, but it still surprised me and left me devastated. I've since had flings and short relationships, until I met my GF last year. So I think this anxiety is my brain subconciously trying to protect me and my therapist seems to agree that's a possibility.
Obviously, I'm still recovering and still trying to figure all this out. I'm feeling much better than where I was and I have hope for the future with my girlfriend (who has been a wonderful confidant and taken this all very well in stride), but my positive emotions are still making a come back and are struggling to consistently stick around. And I still struggle a lot with the anxiety and ROCD when I'm alone. The thoughts and gut feelings still like to make an appearance. Does anyone have any tips? Does this make sense? I'd love to hear how others have recovered from similar situations and worked past relationship and engagement anxiety!
stay strong!
0 likes, 2 replies
jan34534 ns6738
Edited
what you were saying makes complete sense.
Anxiety can always put negative thoughts into our head and make us second-guess everything. The main thing is that you are aware that it’s doing that to you.
I’m glad you got counseling and I do recommend that you stay in counseling even when you start to feel better.
I would suggest that you definitely keep working on yourself and take one day at a time. It’s important to feel whole before you get into a lifelong committed relationship.
Of course nobody is going to be 100% but it would be good if you could get to a place where you are able to control the negative thoughts and the second guessing to the point where it doesn’t interfere in your relationship. You should be able to feel like you have zero doubt about wanting to be with her for the rest of your life.
Also, 10 months of dating really isn’t very long. if you talk to anybody that’s about 10 years older than yourself, they would most likely say the same thing.
it takes at least a couple years to really get to know somebody. not just how well you get along but what their opinions are on how to manage finances, how to raise children, goals for the future, your faith , etc.
So if you did continue to date, that would be a great opportunity for both of you to explore those areas.
it’s really important and premarital counseling is excellent because it touches on these subjects and they are discussed. Unfortunately those are the main issues that married people argue about, especially finances, and sometimes get divorced over.
My kids went through premarital counseling and said it was so helpful and it just brought everything together! ❤
ns6738 jan34534
Posted
thanks for the reply! yes we are going to wait longer and do pre marital counseling. 10 months isn't very long true. This episode gave us both a bit of a shake up and we're using this time to build up the friendship and faith aspect of our foundation. So I'm hoping this tough time can be used as a silver lining for the future.