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I will try to make this as short as possible, but just so you know that this is the only place I could freely talk to.
?About 8 years ago before enrolling in college I started to overthink everything to the extent where I would no longer be able to sleep before answering these questions and it was driving me crazy. Today I am 25 years old and done with college, I went to find a "dream job" with a fortune 500 company but a little over a year later I quit the job because of my depression, even the smallest tasks were making me stressed to the max. I am not social at all and so I always stay at home now that I am unemployed, the only place that is keeping me a little sane is the gym but that is for just an hour a day.
?I have literally had suicidal thoughts for the past 5 years non-stop everyday, I tried to avoid thinking like that but no matter what I look at will remind me of suicide. My brain is by far my biggest enemy and I hate it! what makes it even worse is I can't talk to my parents about this because they are religious and so their answer would be to find god and pray more etc... I respect all religious people don't get me wrong, but this is just not working for me. Also where I live (not in the US) have literally no psychatrist (therapist) that isn't about money which adds insult to injury.
?I talk to myself a lot when I am alone, this keeps me very calm but I don't think I can sustain more of that, I've been doing it for the past 8 years.
?At this point I really don't know what to do, what is the root cause of my depression will always remain a mystery because I am pretty sure nothing like death or anything else triggered the situation.
?Thanks a lot if you reached this part, it means a lot to me that atleast I can talk to people like you.
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