Depression or anxiety? Feel isolated and low.

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HI. I am a 30yr old male and I've always felt like I have had some sort of anxiety or other issues. I don't really like socializing as I don't feel like I am good at it. I am ok with 2 or 3 people but bigger groups of people make me close up. To cut a long story short I no longer really have any 'normal' friends that live nearby. I came out of a long relationship last year which was really for the best as it was going nowhere. I've always felt like I'm not likable or liked. Like I am not really wanted. A huge trigger for anxiety this year is I was seeing a girl who I met online and had relationship issues, we really liked eachother and I was falling for her but she could not commit and she caused me massive anxiety. I had met another girl who is more on my level, as in similar interests and understandings and she really liked me. So I ended the first girl and went with the relationship. I know I used my head not my heart and though anyone would say I did the right thing if I wrote down all the details, but I am beating myself up worrying that I made the wrong decision. I can't let things go and I get so wound up and sad. Some mornings I don't want to get out of bed, I can't get off the sofa and get on with normal things in life and have no motivation. I have recently sorted my work life so that is as good as it's ever been now. But my lack of social life even though I have a nice girlfriend and feeling of isolation and loneliness is almost causing me to panic. Along with things like I rent a house and can't see any way I am ever going to move on. I know most things seem irrational but I can't things rationally. I know many people through my sport of cycling and see them weekly. But they are not 'friends'. I have 6 sessions of counselling through the AIPT which I have had one of but it's so hard for me to explain how I am feeling and not sure it will help. I don't know if I have depression or anxiety. Life feels pointless right now and the fact that I am writing this means I am getting almost desperate. Thanks for reading.

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  • Posted

    Hi.thank you for sharing about your story.  It sounds familiar as I have gone through the same myself. Im 38yrs old female. This is general advise. Do not deprive yourself of things that you feel you need to do believe me that makes it worse and you feel even more miserable.  Mostly its to do with conditionings what we have always been told and sometimes deep within ourselves we dont really agree and that becomes a cause for concern overtime and we end up having depression and anxiety issues. Look closely what is it that make you sad, and dontt overlook issues thinking you need that. Take a break from that and see if it changes anything.  Remember THIS IS FOR YOU, but believe me  its your Pathway to recovery. It seems you are still not far away to recovery and you can claim your normality. I feel way better now but in other people eyes I was a monster or cruel but it was my way of coping and be a person I'm meant to be. Its not easy I must warn you. This is a side thing as you continue to seek professional help. Good lucky!
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    • Posted

      Thanks angee

      I wish I could erase my past and grow up as another person. With a different personality. I don't know specifically what makes me sad, I have no idea.

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    • Posted

      It is hard to figure out initially bit if you keep reflectiong you will find it out.  We do grow and changes happen nit we need to follow through bit mostly we as humans we fo suppress the changes and its a torment. Medication could help but also try to eat right and you are already into exercise. Come to think of it those two saved my life. Seek out to eat organic food believe me its worth the try. Most of the food in the shops have hormones and chemicals which cld be making us sick. Hope you will feel better. 
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  • Posted

    Hi,

    I sympathize with you. I have social anxiety since I was about 15 years old. I have tried so hard to be less anxious in social situations but nothing happened. I struggled with social anxity for almost ten years and I can say for sure that the only thing that helped me was when I started taking antidepressant medications (SSRIs).

    I believe this is your case, and when you ask if you have anxity or depression, I would say that you have both. Both conditions have the same or very similar underlying cause. Both conditions are treated with basically the same medications, and who has one usually will usually display the other at some point.

    Since you have a girlfriend, do sports, and even so you feel lonely, it means (in my opinion) that what you have is more or less independent of your environment, which means that you should start treating your problem like any other disease: with medication.

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    • Posted

      Thanks for the reply danilo.

      When I am with my girlfriend I am fine, I am comfortable. We go out for meals etc regularly-it's normal. When I am home alone I feel detached from anything else in the world. Can't do anything without constantly checking phone and emails to see if anything is there. I fear you are right about the medication. But my worry is how this will affect other parts of me :-(

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    • Posted

      You are welcome.

      It is a compromise. Don't take medications if you don't need. Unfortunately, antidepressant side-effects are common. The good news is that they are not permanent in the sense that once you stop and the withdraw period is gone, you will be basically at the same state as you were before.

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