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HI. I am a 30yr old male and I've always felt like I have had some sort of anxiety or other issues. I don't really like socializing as I don't feel like I am good at it. I am ok with 2 or 3 people but bigger groups of people make me close up. To cut a long story short I no longer really have any 'normal' friends that live nearby. I came out of a long relationship last year which was really for the best as it was going nowhere. I've always felt like I'm not likable or liked. Like I am not really wanted. A huge trigger for anxiety this year is I was seeing a girl who I met online and had relationship issues, we really liked eachother and I was falling for her but she could not commit and she caused me massive anxiety. I had met another girl who is more on my level, as in similar interests and understandings and she really liked me. So I ended the first girl and went with the relationship. I know I used my head not my heart and though anyone would say I did the right thing if I wrote down all the details, but I am beating myself up worrying that I made the wrong decision. I can't let things go and I get so wound up and sad. Some mornings I don't want to get out of bed, I can't get off the sofa and get on with normal things in life and have no motivation. I have recently sorted my work life so that is as good as it's ever been now. But my lack of social life even though I have a nice girlfriend and feeling of isolation and loneliness is almost causing me to panic. Along with things like I rent a house and can't see any way I am ever going to move on. I know most things seem irrational but I can't things rationally. I know many people through my sport of cycling and see them weekly. But they are not 'friends'. I have 6 sessions of counselling through the AIPT which I have had one of but it's so hard for me to explain how I am feeling and not sure it will help. I don't know if I have depression or anxiety. Life feels pointless right now and the fact that I am writing this means I am getting almost desperate. Thanks for reading.
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