Depression or something more complex?
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hi, all.
I'm a 35 year old male and i constantly think of ending my life.
I'm not suicidal, it's more of a question of "am i even that bothered about being alive?"
The strange thing is though, i don't even feel depressed. I don't feel anything really.
I wonder if i am broken?
The one thing we all have in common in this world is that not one person had the choice to be here.
Every single person is just plucked from obscurity and expected to get on with it.
I genuinely believe that some people are just not meant to be here and i am one of them.
I don't mean that to sound depressed or melodramatic.
I just don't seem to react emotionally to anything.
I don't laugh, i don't cry. Just ... nothing really.
People fall in love and get married. People get happy when they get good news and people cry when they get bad news. People get excited about the prospect of new things, some people are scared of change.
These are human emotions that i just don't seem to possess.
I've never been motivated by any of life's everyday things.
So, i just sit here and wonder .... why be here then?
Again, no melodrama or amateur dramatics, just a genuine lack of interest.
Can anyone make sense of this ... or even ...relate to this?
0 likes, 2 replies
sam18386 dean17249
Posted
hi dean, depressed? no emotional response? absolutely depressed and numb! can i find out if you've gone further than thinking about not being here? if you haven't that's better than the alternative! ask for some help to feel anything again. you're probably thinking but straight hmm don't know about that.....
jan34534 dean17249
Edited
Dean, I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. The fact that you have a flat affect can definitely be an indication of depression. You don’t have to be crying to be depressed. another indication is that you don’t seem to feel the emotions that are part of us being human. I would highly suggest that you get some counseling for this. There is so much life to live especially with you being so young. and there is a lot of help out there!
if you have access to health insurance you can use that and if you don’t there is definitely very low cost and even free counseling available in many places. If you live in the US, you can contact your state department, many community centers have counseling or can provide you with resources for that, cities have resources, many churches offer free counseling, and so on. that would be one step in the right direction. Don’t think of huge steps at first, think of taking baby steps towards your goal of feeling better. depression is difficult to try to treat on your own. You get another person‘s perspective in counseling as well as ways to manage it.
also, just going for a daily walk releases endorphins in the brain which is a good hormone and helps you to feel a little better. That would be a baby stop it doesn’t have to be 5 miles just getting out and getting some fresh air helps.
One thing I had to learn was that I needed to be my best friend. I had to take care of myself because nobody else could. I had to find ways to help myself feel better.
I had to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I stopped the pity parties and started to be proactive.
get that support! Take care of you! You are young . no matter what happened in your past, you can move on from it and better your life.
start and do one thing every day for yourself.
be good to yourself.
tell yourself every day what you were grateful for even if you don’t feel that way. Everybody has some thing.
call 988 to speak to somebody confidentially if you need to 24 hours a day. If you are in the US.
you can make it happen ❤