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I have had anxiety for 17 years but until the end of November last year it was manageable, literally overnight the anxiety worsened massively and became a 24/7 issue.
At first I coped because I had hope that it would get better but now I have no hope of that at all because every techique I use to cope just isn't working anymore.
Since the start of January leaving the house has been incredibly difficult, I used to be able to go out comfortable if my husband was there but now it's utter hell and I've lost all of my freedom.
I cry and cry because I think of all the things we used to do as a family that are all gone, I dread weekends, half term and the warmer weather because I know the kids will be missing out on all of the things we used to do.
My gp increased my diazepam a little 3 weeks ago and i'm worried it's causing me to feel constantly unsteady on my feet and that I will never recover and be able to go out again properly feeling like this, I need to reduce it again really but I'm scared to.
My life is like a circle of despair now, can't sleep properly, wake early, feel scared all the time and often don't know why and I see no hope for the future, it's like the old me is gone and taken my life with it.
My husband is feeling the strain and the kids are in pieces too.
I have a CPN but she has not been very helpful, she was supposed to ring on Thursday to let me know when a consultant can do a home visit but I have heard nothing and just get her voicemail when I call.
I am utterly lost, nothing happened to trigger this at all, it was completely out of nowhere, I feel detached from life, worthless and helpless.
I try so hard to carry on and to do things like go out but it never feels better and I can barely function either, I was a proud person but now I look a mess and go days without showering because I just feel like I can't do it, not because of anxiety anymore either but because I have this feeling I can't even describe, it's as if my mind and body are shutting down and I simply can't function.
Small tasks feel like climbing a mountain and everything feels overwhelming and impossible.
I am having slightly fewer actual panic attacks now but the agoraphobia is not improving and the despair and sadness are getting worse.
I don't know where to turn, even with a supportive husband I feel so alone
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