Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the boards, but reading some of the posts i am finding i can really relate.

I am struggling with stress/depression. I think it all stems from my work. About 9 months ago now i had a major panic attack at work, i just felt like i could not do the work and i could not cope. I started to hyperventilate. Anyway i was signed off work for 2 weeks with stress and put on Citalpram. It has not been the same since this first breakdown. I have had 2 more breakdown since the first, the second of which my legs gave way and i fell to the floor.

I am back at work now but still really not coping. I have been back and forth to the doctors and tried telephone councilling, but nothing helps. I went back to the doc 2 days ago and he has increased my AD's to 45mg of Mirtazapine, so i hope this helps.

I feel that since my first breakdown, it is so easy to give in, not cope and panic than prior to my breakdown. This stress has caused terrible depression. I took three days holiday last week just because i could not bear to go to work. I did nothing but stare at the wall at home. I used to have such motivation to do jobs around the house and spend time with my children, it is now a struggle for me to get out of bed. I have started drinking everyday, i was always liked my alcohol but nowadays i need it as a form of relief.

I loath going to work each day, i am depressed at home in the evening because of the thought of work the next day. When i actually get to work each day i feel physically sick. My bosses for the most have been good, and usually give me no pressure jobs, but i am finding i put pressure on myself. I feel like i can't cope with any job and that i am not good enough to do the work anymore, which is a little strange since i have been doing the same work for 11 years now. It is terrible it's ruining my life, i feel so guilty because i know my wife is being so supportive and i realise i am not doing enough around the house or with my children but i just can't get my mind from thinking negative thought. My problem is i think to much, i really wish i could stop my mind from wandering each day and just concentrate on my work. My working day seems so long because i focus on the negative all the time. This stress/depression is effects my entire life and i know i should concentrate on the now, but i keep thinking how will i cope with another 30 years of working life.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on. It just feels good to vent my feelings and share with other similar minded people.

Many thanks


0 likes, 12 replies

Report / Delete

12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Paul and a very big welcome

    First off! Why not go on long term sick leave????

    Your doctor will be more than happy to sign you as unfit to work I'm quite sure, especially as work seems to be the major thing at the moment .

    Your brain needs time to recuperate and it won't be able to do that while you are faced everyday with work related stress.

    Also, and this is not a criticism, but alcohol can make the depression worse as it is well known as a depressive, particularly when we use it as a coping mechanicism sad

    We have all used it, and I for one, still use it when my stress levels are very high :shock:

    Try and cut down on the alcohol for a few days and see if that helps with your depression. (Says she, who is typing this with a minor hangover) LOL

    I have to add though, that last nights consumption of alcohol wasn't to help relieve stress. Was just a Friday night in front of TV with daughter, wine and nibbles :oops:

    Keep posting here too, I, like many others, find it does help.

    Wishing you all the best

    Melbi x

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Melbi,

    Thanks for your response. I feel a bit trapped. I know my doctor would be happy to give my time away from work, but the problem i find is i feel guilty about being off and worry at home about returning to work. Plus i am the main bread winner of the family, without my wage we would loose the house because not being able to pay the mortgage, so long term sick is not an option.

    I am really stuck in an unpleasant place at the moment, i only hope i can find one med that will perk me up enough to cope.



    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hello Paul :D

    I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time; it may take a couple of weeks for the increased dose of mirtazapine to kick in but I expect you know that.

    Oh I [b:e0d5806f4b]do [/b:e0d5806f4b]feel for you - I was in a very similar situation some years ago, although I am single so didn't have to worry about supporting a family.

    Is there any way your GP could refer you to a counsellor, or, is there one attached to your work?

    It sounds as if you are in great need of having someone to talk to about how you're feeling and to help you perhaps make a decision about your work, and what has led up to you feeling as unwell as you do now.

    I agree with Melbi that it would be really good if you could have some time off as struggling on feeling as bad as you do must be so difficult for you.

    Meanwhile, take care,and maybe get out in the sunshine (if you've got any!) over the weekend :star: :D

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Daisy,

    Thanks for your response.

    I have had a couple of sessions with a telephone councillor arranged through my work. That was good talking to someone and i felt better for the time i was chatting to them, but i soon went back into a depressed slump soon after. I just hope in a couple of weeks the increased dose of meds works a little for me. It is hard because i feel so trapped, i have to earn the money however unhappy i get. It is very strange on the odd occasion that i feel a little better at home, i can convince myself it is only a job and that there are alot worse jobs and i am with a very good employer so i should not mess it up. But when i am at work i am so very down i just want to cry and run i way, i feel there is no future or light at the end of the tunnel. It is not just the initial stress aspect that is affecting me now, it is being depressed. I can work on a non stress job at work and i still feel i shouldn't be here and i just can't cope. It has really affected my home life aswell. I am alot more moody to my family and i snap so much quicker, i feel so guilty for my wife having to put up with me. The closer it comes to a work day the more depressed and afraid i become. Sunday night are terrible. Mind you so far i have to admit i have had a fairly good day. My wife has gone to a show with her friends so i have spent the day taking my children to play areas. It made me feel lots better spending quality time with my children, made me appreciate what i really have. When i can put all my worries into perspective with having a good wife, 2 lovely children and a nice home i think what the heck am i complaining about.

    Anyway thanks again for listening.


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hello again Paul:smiley:

    Glad you've had a good day today and that you were able to get out with the children.

    [b:2ee106b0ec]But[/b:2ee106b0ec] I really would urge you to talk to your GP and get some face-to-face counselling.

    Let's hope that the increased dose of meds will help but it really does sound as if you need some support to help you through this difficult time.

    Depression tends to be a \"wake-up call\" (just when we don't want it!) to let us know that something needs to change.

    I really do understand that you feel trapped; this is where someone else can help to see what other options there might be.

    (It's difficult to see [b:2ee106b0ec]anything[/b:2ee106b0ec] when we feel depressed, let alone other options !)

    There is a way through this, you just need a helping hand to see the light that really is still there; imagine for now that it's like the sun when it goes behind a cloud - it's still there, you just can't see it at the moment.

    Hang on in there and see if you can speak to your GP about some more help..

    Take care smile

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Daisy,

    I have spoken to two doctors and asked them both about talking to a councillor, they both told me that talking to a councillor is not available on the NHS and that if i went down that route i will be looking at £200 for each session. They told me to progress with the meds and they usually work in the end.

    Many thanks for listening


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hello Paul,

    Sounds pretty rotten for you at the moment. Anxiety is an awful feeling isn't it? A nasty little sleight of the automatic nervous system - useful to escape from a lion, absolutely rubbish in an office. (I like to keep my sense of humour, I find it helps). Seriously, though to get to the bottom of it, I'm wondering if you are being bullied at work? Do you have these feelings of panic in other social situations too (like a social phobia)? Are you worried about embarrassing yourself at work during a panic attack? Do you have specific anxiety provoking concerns or is it a more generalized anxiety that pervades your everyday life even at weekends? Only you know the answers to those thinks. Keep in touch with your GP, take your medicines and live in the present moment while off work. Stop worrying about 'next Monday' - if you need another week off, then so be it. It may be worth getting a book about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and having a read. I find that reading and obsessing/worring seem to be incompatible, I can only do one at a time - and a good read always wins. Anyway, ask your GP about a referral to a psychologist too, though this can take a while sometimes. A tragic thing about anxiety is that it is often made worse by thinking about the 'what if'...what if I can't go to work on Monday, what if I cry at work, what if, what if,what if. It's not easy, but when these obsessive thoughts occur try to say stop out loud, count to ten slowly, breathe deeply and tell yourself that you are taking small but positive steps towards beating this. This is the basis of CBT and a good Cog Behaviour Therapist (to find a chartered psychologist registered with the British Psychological Society in your area see their website via google) will help you wiith your experiences with around 70% success rate. CBT works pretty quickly too but can be expensive if you pay for it yourself, it is available on the NHS though. As for your money situation, if you have a bit put aside for a rainy is the time to use some of it. We need to avoid a torrential downpour! Your wife would rather use some of your savings to pay the bills for a month and see you on the road to recovery than watch you crippled with misery every day at work. You may need to look longer term about your life choices and consider a change of career. Not now though. first priority is to get you a bit better. Can't make any major decisions when tired, stressed or drunk (and you are all three - quite understandably I might add so don't beat yourself up). It's horrible, but lots of people can and do get better...remember that. I hope you are another one of them. There are so many people out here willing to help. You are not alone, none of us are.

    Best of british luck to you.


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate your advice. I will definitely continue with the meds and keep seeing my doctor. You are right, i do feel long term a job change may be necessary. But at the moment no one would want to employ me, so like you said i will stay where my job is secure and hopefully work through the way i feel. I am very nervous about Monday, especially as this is the third time i have been signed off. Worried that it will happen all over again. However, I am feeling a little better today, so maybe the meds are beginning to work. Hopefully by Monday i will be really positive about it.

    Many thanks


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Paul

    I know it has been a while and I hope you're feeling a bit better now. I thought I'd get in touch with you to see if I could share my experience.

    Sorry to hear your situation, I too have been struggling with depression for number of years, so I do understand.

    I don't if you'd be up for this but my doctor referred to the local psychiatric hospital for physiotherapy which really helped, it involved gentle exercise at level and the staff were really supportive and kind.

    As an alternative why not try just getting some gentle exercise e.g. walk the dog or a bike ride or may be your doctor runs an exercise on prescription scheme.

    I know it will hard to motivate yourself but I think it would be definitely worth a try.

    All the very best.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted


    Just reading Paul's first e-mail is something I can really relate to right now. You are not alone Paul in feeling the way you do.

    I am currently being treated for depression (and have been on occasions before) and it is always triggered by work. I am academically clever, I have in the past had resonable jobs, however on 3 occasions I have had to quit my new job within 1-2 weeks of starting simply because I felt I could not cope/understand/function and simply had to leave. This has recently happened again and I'm aware that this is a repeated pattern that I need to find a solution to. I find non stressful situations stressful and it just triggers self doubt and an inability to work, i worry constantly at work and at home and I feel like I will collapse if i continue and just have to make an excuse to quit. Then depression sets in. It's terrible. I'm not sure how to cope with this, but It seems much of what you are saying hits home with me too, so please do not feel like it is just you going through this difficult period. Now I am faced with no income and bills to pay...i just don't know how i will cope and I am now panicking that i need another job but it is likely the same thing will happen again. What can i do?

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up