Depression, stress, relationship

So I'm 18, Ive been with the guy i am with for five months now, he's absolutely amazing he is also 18. I am about to graduate Highschool. We recently have just been really really struggling with things. financial issues, family issues and some of our own. He moved in with me and my family due to some of things we had going on at the time. We argue here and there about some really stupid stuff. Eventually we get over it and talk it out and communicate about it. He goes out of his way to do anything for me. There has been times he has went broke to make sure he can get me something. I should probably start with how we met. We met by one of his friends that I knew. At the time I was talking to someone and it was super toxic. i’ve been in a lot of bad relationships but I’ve never met anyone like the guy I’m with now. He was sheltered from a lot of different things and he’s been through a lot he’s never had a girlfriend and I’m his first. whenever I was talking to the guy before him he was unsupportive of things and he didn’t really care.

i would try to talk to him about things communicate and he couldn’t do that for me. He also really just used me. the guy that I’m with now i met through one of my friends boyfriend. At first I really wasn’t attracted to him. I really thought he was weird and too shy for me. it turns out that he is the best thing ever. i really wasnt looking for someone like him he kindve just walked into my life. He knew he loved me the first time he met me or saw a picture of me. He had never been into anyone before me.. his parents were so worried about him finding love or anything because all he did was stay in his room. i started being friends with him while i was talking to the guy i was with before him. i told him i was already talking to someone and that it was rough. He began to listen to me and try to understand me. He was best friends with the guy who lived down the road from me and the same one who let my boyfriend meet me. One night at a friend of mines house where her ex came over which is my boyfriends ex best friend, came over and hung out with her. and my boyfriend came over and hung out with me becsuse i wasnt sure if the guy i was talking to would come. he came to spend time with me and hang out. later his dad texted him asked him where he was and he lied and his parents are super against that. So they gave him an option to come home then or dont come home at all. and instead he didnt he went home with his friend. later that night the guy i was talking to came over and i made the biggest mistake of my life. regret it so much. the next day it was super hard for me because the guy acted like he didnt even care about me but my boyfriend did. he listened to my issues with him and he told me he was bad for me and he didnt deserve me and i dont deserve to be treated the way i was being treated. so after about two weeks i left him. while my boyfriend was staying down the road at his friends he started coming over and hanging out with me and getting to know me more. i began to find attraction in him and quailites ive never seen before. he was also the first guy in my house. my mom started to like him and everything and my step dad met him and liked him. He started coming over everyday and his friend and his friends mom got mad at him for not being over there to cater to them and take them places and do favors for them. so one day he Accidentally fell asleep over at my house and his friend came up here and fought him and my boyfriend didnt fight back. The only reason why is because he didn’t pick them up from work that night like his friends mom wanted him too. so he stayed a few days at my house and started talking to his parents about paying rent at their house to stay there. (my boyfriend) so his parents agreed and let him pay rent there and he would come over at my house everyday to spend time with me. I later began to like him and feel very emotional torwards him. we started dating a few weeks later or so. and then with him never being at home he slept at my house sometimes over chirstmas and thanksgiving. We later decided that it would be best for him to stay at my house because thats where he wad the majorty of the time. my mom agreed with rules of leaving the door open and him not sleeping on my bed. so we kept that up.. we later began to argue about things as couples do.. we had tons of fun, he got super close to my dog which technically is his too now. We have been together for almost 6 months and thats typically the time where couples decide if they wanna be together forever until last week, i started doubting things. doubting us, weve had alot of stress from my parents and other issues. lately the past few days all i do is cry. he knows that i am not sure of if i want a future with him. eveeytine i look at him i feel terrible because hes done so much for me and i honestly dont want anyone else. i keep convinving myself i dont love him, or want a future with him. or everytime i wake up i look at him and i start thinking and getting this sickening feeling of fearfullness and just being so unsure of what to do or if i want him .. ive had my own problems with depression and still have thrm. bi polar, and anxiety. with all i have going on im so scared becsuse i dont want to leave him. hes been so supportive and understanding of my feelings and im just so unsure of what to do. he makes me happy before i was feeling like this. sometimes injust feel so empty and scared. i wanna marry him some dau and have a future. i just dont know what to do. my stomach hurts and i get so sick and throw up because dont want to leave him or for him to leave me. i just love him so much and he just truly makes me feel like im the only girl in the world. plaase help me... please

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