Depression, too close to brother :(

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Hi

About a month ago I had a panic attack which developed into depression. My parents got divorced when I was 6 and my brother and sister (twins) were just born. I sort of took on a parent role while also being a fun brother, but now my brother is almost my height and its sent me farther into depression. I just feel like I'm gonna lose my baby brother who I always hug and tuck in and hold hands with sad Since last month, I've been having trouble doing things alone cause I feel like I'm wasting/running out of time to spend with him while he's still little. I've been doing therapy and started prozac and want to be able to do alone things I like without having this bad anxiety/depression kicking in! I just feel so scared for the day when we won't live near each other anymore. This is my second year of college but I didn't feel this way last year even though I was in a totally different state. Please help 

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  • Posted

    I cant say I've ever had that same attatchment to my older sister but what your going through is what a lot of parents face when their kids get older - I know you're not their parent per say but you did look after them so its gonna form a similar kind of bond!

    Because a lot of your purpose, value and identity lies with being the older brother, when they grow up unfortunately that identity will also fade out so its up to you to start finding you own true value from within! Once the meds start stabalising its time to invest all that energy that you devoted to your little bro back into yourself. Now is your time to transform yourself into the independent adult that is waiting inside to come out!

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    • Posted

      Thanks! The thought of losing that identity is scary right now. I get really nervous and panic doing the things I love like getting massages, cooking, running, it's very hard sad and when I'm with my family the thought running through my mind is "this will be gone soon." It's a very scary place to be.
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  • Posted

    How very interesting.. and I mean that in a good way.What you, Chris10273 are talking about is something that is probably not expressed as well as you have expressed it: The aftermath and the rejuvenation/change of such a bonded and close relationship.

    I guess freely that you have felt a purpose with being the strong one when needed for the younger one. At the same time, that seems to have been a welcomed distraction from facing your own needs.

    If you can: try embrace this change in your relationship with your brother (him needing to find his own ways - still knowing you're there for him...) You've been admirably holding the apronstrings - now time to give some leavage.

    Perhaps having your brother to look after has been a shield for you looking after yourself?

    Anyhow, I believe you have done a lot of good, - to the best of your abilities.. Don't stop now.  Just remind yourself two things: The good you have done will bear fruit that may not be obvious at first. And: Here's the time to show your brother a bit of umph - ie show that you can do it too.. You have both had a rough time at tender ages and however admirable it is that one sibling looks after the other.. It come's to a point when you both will have to think of each other as equals and support each other as such.

    As for the medication: Unless you have a chemical imbalance in your brain and have experienced deep depression before; My guess would be that, if you accept the developments of the situation and the maturing of your brother; - you will not need the pills.

    You might however, need something for all those feelings, (I might be wrong. It's only a guess) you've avoided whilst keeping the ship afloat.

    I wish you the warmest of best and hope you will tune into yourself now, to see what you wish and want.

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for your response! Trying to start to see him as an equal and not a baby (he's almost 13), and it's different for my sister cause she is pretty much done growing and will pretty much always look the same but soon my brother will look as old as me! Trying hard to let go of seeing him as a baby smile
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    • Posted

      lol A little bit like a new portrait.. and I'm sure you will have a new portrait for him too.. but the inspiration behind the prortrait(s) will still be there to discover further..

       

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  • Posted

    Chris I understand this situation massively. I understand it is hard and you feel more like a parent than a sibling, so your attachment and bond is a lot stronger with your brother than most "normal" siblings would have with one another. I also understand also that this can cause resentment towards parents as they have relied on you at a young age to take on so much and youv e had to make the best of the situation. On the possitive you are a hero in your brothers eyes and no matter what happens that bond will never be broken. Chin up xx
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