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Depression while engaged. Need advice.

Posted , 5 users are following.

olivia84917
olivia84917

hi guys.

im hoping to find some guidance or some advice if anyone has been in this same position. ill try and keep this short.

ive been experiencing anxiety and depression for about a year now off and on. some months are better than others.

i ended an engagment with someone i was with for 6 years. 17-23. it was the hardest decsion of my life at the time. he has cheated on me in precious years, somethnoing i dont think i ever really got over. i never felt like a priority, i was just an option. the last straw was leaving me alone on new years because i had to work the next day and he wanted to go out. when i left he made a very very small effort to get me back. i even tried to make it work and wanted to come home because i thought it was maybe just my depression that made me feel the sadness i did and he said " you need help, you left. maybe in the future" Now almost 4 years later i am engaged again to a amazing guy. everyrhing on paper i could ever want.

my ex is also is newly engaged. And it has brought up all of our good memories. i really miss him. we grew up together and got along so well when ww were good. even with everything he did and how he made me feel i am putting him on this perfect pillow. in my brain. i make lists of why i left, have felt all emotions honestly, talked it out, prayed about it and even talked to my fiance on how i have been feeling sad the way he and i ended. ive done everything i can think of.

does this mean i dont love my fiance? im worried we arent close enough. i keep comparing my old reladionship with this one. And the constant thoughts of sadness and anxiety isnt helping.

is this because of depression making me feel this way? is it causing issues in my relationship? why cant i just be happy with my new fiance. why cant i just push through? does depression make anyone else feel as if they arent close to loved ones?

thanks for all advice.

olivia

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • jael75790
    jael75790 olivia84917

    Posted

    The part about your story that stands out the most to me is that your newly engaged ex cheated on you. Was it just once or was it many times? If it was just one time that he made a mistake, and he truly apologized and showed sorrow for this, then I could see to forgive him. If on the other hand, he did it more than once then consider yourself lucky to be out of that relationship. I have a brother who is a serial cheater and every woman he has been involved with has called me in tears over his continual cheating. It is his addiction. Did your ex have any addictions? You said he treated you like you were not a priority. You should have been his first priority, even above himself. I bet he was your first priority. It sounds like you have a great guy now but only you can make the decision on your future with him.

    • olivia84917
      olivia84917 jael75790

      Posted

      my ex cheated on me while we were dating. not engaged that i knoe of. he waited three years to tell me after i started to question some thingsin our relationship. the kicker is once i started to put things togerher he saw me texting the girls to ask them if anything had happened and he secretly texted them to tell them not to say anything. i didnt know he did this. which made it all the more worse when it all came out. i forgave him over and over again like an idiot.i was young. it happened 4 times collectivley when dating. and then we got engaged a few years later. obviously deep down i did not actually let it go. i told him this was a big reason i had to end our engagment i was now 24 and dodnt want this in a marriage and fear of possibly cheating again. and he said it wasnt fair to bring that back up after we had moved on from it. which i can understand but, he wasnt the one who was cheated on. no addictions i know of but his dad cheated on mom multiple times and divorced.

  • kev1982
    kev1982 olivia84917

    Edited

    hi olivia,

    depression amd anxiety can make your emotions grow and some of this can be as simple as you can see he is moving on and your brain is wondering what would have been. please remember you were unhappy and left the relationship for a reason even though your brain isnt telling you that right now i think you habe made the right decision and if your current partner can listen to the way your feeling about this and still be happy your on to a winner and it doesnt mean you dont love him it is extremely hard to control your thoughts while having anxiety and depression.

    hope this helps

    kev,

    • kev1982
      kev1982 olivia84917

      Edited

      your more than welcome the majority of us post here for advice hooe you feel better soon and always willing tonlisten if you need it 😃

  • joshuapryce1987
    joshuapryce1987 olivia84917

    Posted

    Work on intimacy with the fiance, also work on communication, it sounds like you need a lot of reassurance.

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