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Depression whilst in recovery

Posted , 4 users are following.

Maggs53
Maggs53

I was diagnosed with T2/3 Rectal cancer in March 2013. I had the 5 weeks of chemoradiation which shrunk the tumour enabling surgery - a year ago today I had a 9 hour op ( still have nightmares). I had a temp stoma until 3rd Dec  2013 when I had the reversal op, so I think given that it all happened within 12 months I count myself very lucky. I am a ver fit positive person (53 yrs of age now). I went back to work in between treatment and surgery and went back completely in February even though I was still having problems with bowel movements and taking 2 x Loperamide daily. I thought that I was doing ok even though I have had to have a few days off every now and then (as the bowel movements were quite bad off and on). Lately, and I don't know whether it's because my husband is awaiting diagnosis of a condition or whether it's because I am awaiting my first CT scan but I have become very depressed. I've checked out the Macmillan website and apparently this is normal. I'd be interested to hear from people if you feel the same way. Thanks

 

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • Signing-Annie
    Signing-Annie Maggs53

    Posted

    Hello Maggs

    I was the same age as you when I was 1st diagnosed & followed a similar path with treatment & operations. So sorry you feel as you do but my goodness when one sits down & thinks of the mental & physical onslaught our bodies have gone through why wouldn't we feel overwhelmed by the whole thing. 

    Thankfully my personal faith helped hugely but I know that's not for everyone. One of my greatest supports was a Macmillan nurse attached to my local GP pracice, this lovely down to earth woman visited weekly & sat with me while I talked & cried. It was only really with her, in the privacy of my own home that I was even aware I had been holding feelings in. Outwardly I was coping fine, I've always been a half full person but obviously underneath I was needing to talk to someone. Do ask if there is a specialist nurse attached to your GP.

    I also had a husband with his own health issues, 4 years later his is till ongoing.

    My bowels still have a mind of their own and probably will for the rest of my life, my surgeon suggested a low fibre diet for me and this really made a difference.

    Nothing wrong with you having these feelings as after all the whole process is still quite new in your life. Take care,

    Anne

    • Maggs53
      Maggs53 Signing-Annie

      Posted

      Hi Anne

      Firstly thank you for replying so quickly to my post. Secondly thank you for the advice. I will check ou with my GP practice to see if the same sort of facility exists. I do believe that my faith helped me through the treatment and surgery and all my family and friends were praying for me. Lately though I have began to question my faith asking why. I do think talking to someone will help. Actually even writing these posts help. Thanks again.

      Maggs

  • Signing-Annie
    Signing-Annie Maggs53

    Posted

    Hi,

    if anything it strengthened my faith & instead of asking 'Why me?" it was "rather me than my children". No one can say how anyone will or should react though. I even gave my testimony in church on Good Friday some 4/5 months post op & joked about  getting an unexpected bag (stoma one) for Christmas!

    Although I had lots of support, the best did come from the Community Macmillan nurse, mainly I think because she visited me at home so it didn't matter if I got upset & she always had time, really hope you can find one near you.

    These days I take the immodium instant after each of my "episodes" but as early as you I took the loperamide capsules.

    Unfortunately it's a rather more lonely cancer than some as it's to do with sore bottoms & poo! Hardly coffee & cake chat in public but you'll get there,

    Anne

  • margaret91698
    margaret91698 Maggs53

    Posted

    Hi Maggs

    So sorry that you feel so down, but it is surely understandable after what you have been through, and what you are going through now.  I we'll understand now when I read that someone is battling cancer, because even though the cancer may be all gone, the after effects can still cause problems.  I know I am lucky to have had my cancer caught early,  I still get down.  I have a stoma (tempory) and despite the nurse telling me I will get used to it, I don't think I will.  It prevents me from doing many things I did before, and that makes me a bit miserable.  My reversal will be in December, and the op is causing me concern.  Also, I lost a lot of weight, which I can't seem to regain.  I was a skinny thing to start with, but now I look so frail.  All these things make you feel a bit low, and hinders recovery.  I wish you really we'll very soon, and pray your husband overcomes ill health and gets back to full fitness very soon.

    • Maggs53
      Maggs53 margaret91698

      Posted

      Thanks for your reply Margaret, I took advice from Anne and contacted Macmillan this morning. It was so good to 'let it all out' and I can honestly say that I feel some peace today, though worn out from crying. I have a way forward to get some help now which in itself gives me a sense of relief. Margaret don't be concerned about the reversal op, it takes usually about an hour to an hour and a half and nothing like the major op (I was in theatre for 9 hours), you'll be fine.  I too lost a lot of weight and thought I would regain it after the reversal. I actually lost a little more but now seem to have stabilised. I have my first CT scan on the 1st Sep and will be glad to get the results of that hopefully to put my mind at rest. So far my 3 and 6 month referral blood tests have been ok so fingers crossed.  Thanks again for your kind reply and for your prayers. I'll be praying for us all to overcome this, to gain strength and to be positive in mind, to look forward and give thanks for each day. Thanks again to you and to Anne also for giving me the push that I needed.
  • Daffs
    Daffs Maggs53

    Posted

    Hello Maggs

    Hope you're feeling better now with all the positive answers and suggestions you've had.

    Just wanted to add that I too had very bad depression for 2 days after op when I had everything to live for. This was black, never in my life have I had it so awfully bad and with my op results being so good, I couldn't help but think what is wrong with me, am I so ungrateful, what do I want out of life.

    I was diagnosed with T3/4 N1 in Nov. had the initial chemo and then chemoradio. Surgeon said he would try keyhole and I wouldn't need a bag. The radio treatment did the job. He woke me up after surgery just long enough to tell me 'keyhole, no bag' which I thought was very sweet. I had everything to be happy about, so why this black depression. After talking myself out of it, I did pick up but I'm sure the hosp and friends think I'm so ungrateful.

    I've now been told (2 wks home and 3 wks from op), I need more chemo, they've found a speck on the lung and there could be residules left by the N1, all not visable now. My weight is down due to bad constipation, lax. and lots fruit and veg. The Onc. can't do full strength and seems pointless doing it at all this way.

    I'm depressed now, angry and confused, but the depression is nothing compared to what I had in the hosp.

    Take care, Daffs

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