Depression, work and sertraline please help!

Hi, 

I’m new the forums as a poster all though I’ve often used them to get advice but my situation is a little bit more complex this time so it’s hard to find specific advise without posting myself. I apologise this is going to be quite a long one. 

 I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety since I was about 14 years old (I’m now almost 28). I was last on medication and receiving therapy in 2016 when I was working in a call centre, having established this type of work wasn’t suitable I left and got a job as an administrator for a small firm in my town, I got on really well here, came off the sertraline and only had about 3 occasions of absence that year all with physical Illnesses. Unfortunately, this was only a temp maternity cover for 12 months  and because the girl came back to work the company was so small they couldn’t afford to keep me on. 

I took a job with a big firm in the nearest city, I work in finance now and find the job quite boring but otherwise ok. But I don’t get a lot of support from my manager she describes herself as ‘a vile person’ often talks about people she has ‘punched’ and generally swears and shouts a lot. With various things in my life including My Mum getting rushed into hospital I have started getting more and more anxious again to the point that last Thursday I rang in sick. I went to see my doctor on Monday (yesterday) and they’ve put me back on sertraline 50mg. I’ve been keeping my manager informed via text message because this is her preferred method of contact. Other than one text saying ‘get well soon see you monday’ on Friday, she hasn’t replied to me at all. This has just served to make me feel more and more anxious. I rang her today to check in and she was very aggressive with me on the phone when I said I’d try to return to work tomorrow she said ‘I don’t want you here if you’re going to be a liability’ this really upset me as I’m sure you can imagine when I’m feeling so stressed, upset and anxious and now I don’t know what to do. 

I’m having really bad side effects from the sertraline I actually felt like I was going to die this afternoon because I was shaking so bad and my heart was beating really fast, rather than my mind going 100 miles an hour as usual it’s relatively clear and empty which feels weird. My pupils are massively dilated and I feel ‘spaced out’ my mouth is also really dry and I can’t stop glugging water. 

So I guess my question is really if anyone could give me any advice on whether or not I should see about being signed off for a week while the medication kicks in and the side effects wear off? I don’t feel like I will function properly in my job and at the first sign of this I think my manager will shout at me and I’ll end up in tears (something she is quite outspoken about is that people who cry are weak and she can’t stand them). But my major issue is that I have only worked for the company since September and I am worried about having so much time off sick when I haven’t been there that long. I also didn’t get a probation meeting after my 3 months probation because my manager basically can’t be bothered to do forms or letters so she just lets you presume that you’ve passed if you’re still working there after the 3 months is up. 

I know I need to put my health first but I’m scared of the consequences either way whether I go back or don’t. Any help or advice would be much appreciated. 

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