Posted , 11 users are following.
I am sitting at my desk at work trying to stop the tears. Awful weekend, had to call Samaritans, my fear is that I don't want to exist anymore, what is the point in me or just anything. I am on 50mg sertraline and have been for a couple of years, seeing gp again tomorrow. I am so tired, everything is slow motion and it feels like I want to vomit my own body to get rid of it. So frightened
2 likes, 43 replies
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Panda15478 marie36406
Posted
I'm so sorry, please know you aren't alone. I've been there too, sitting at my office desk trying to stop the tears pouring out of my eyes. The more I try to stop myself, the worse I make it.
But one thing almost always makes me calm and able to move forward - thinking of how many loved ones would be absolutely devestated if I didn't exist anymore. I imagine the look on my father's face or imagine that my best friend also going through something similar would be crushed and want to leave the world herself. I hate the idea of being responsible for making so many people unhappy.
It's not a very pleasant way to think, but it works for me when most everything else can't.
Perhaps you've developled a tolerance for your medication - that's happened to me once or twice. Hopefully the doctor can do something like add another medication to your dosage or increase it if they see fit.
Best of luck and there are always people here for you!
marie36406 Panda15478
Posted
I do try and think like you think, and especially my little rescue animals, what would happen to them.
I hope we all come through this, I am so grateful for the support
Xxx
Panda15478 marie36406
Posted
Yes, always know support is here whenever you need it judgement free!
Medicine can be so fickle and such a pain sometimes! Maybe if you stick with it, your body will settle into it and it will work better. Wellbutrin did that for me!
Sometimes they work in a few ways but not in others. My doctor recently explained it to me that when this medicine starts to work, you can feel really great and not realize that not all of the strings have connected again for you. Once you've gotten used to things becoming better, you start to realize there is still something missing. He advised that taking a SSRI is the first step and then adding Wellbutrin, or any type of NDRI, can boost that plateu.
Not sure if that helps since your dosage is increased, but keep it in mind if you need suggestions for the doctor next time
(Not sure what gp means)
marie36406 Panda15478
Posted
Doctor, general PRACTITIONER
I didn't know about the Wellbutrin, she hasn't suggested it but I do know that often more than 1 type of AD is needed, not all doctor's think about that.
Are you feeling quite a lot better now?
xxx
ash74516 marie36406
Posted
Hi Marie,
I know that situation so well, and you're right, it is one of the most awful feelings around. I've had the sitting at work desperately trying to stop the flood of tears, and the constant questioning what the hell i'm doing on this planet. I found that basically forcing myself to do things (whether it be drawing infront of the tv at night, or joining an evening class after work) eventually helped me. But when i say it took time, it really took time, but you are getting there.
I know to those who aren't particularly religious (like myself) this may seem mad, but my mother had always trusted in saying short prayers to St.Jude. at low times as he's the patron saint of hopeless/desperate cases, and seemingly pulls through for those who pray to him. I was sceptical at first, but i dutifully prayed to him each night, and i honestly feel some sort of force did help me to lift the desperation i had during my depression. Anyway, its worth a shot. I'll leave this prayer at the bottom of th message- thinking of you either way and honestly Marie, things will get better. lots of love x
God the Father, give me hope. Help me to know that your hope is alive in me as I offer kindness, forgiveness, and tenderness to others.
I seek the calm that comes from trusting in your hope and your healing presence.
I trust that your servant St. Jude walks with me in all the blessings and challenges of my life, and intercedes on behalf of my petitions.
St. Jude, fill my heart with hope.
Amen.