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Didn't know I had herpes

Posted , 3 users are following.

julianne06456
julianne06456

Hello,

I am 27 years old and have been in a committed relationship for 3 years.  2 weeks ago my boyfriend started getting an irritation on his penis and we thought it was just chaffing. (He had pre-existing chafing due to sand and surfing) It never got better so we both got tested for herpes. My blood test came back Very positive while his blood test came back negative but with a positive swab test. Meaning he contracted it from me.

I have never had any type of outbreak or any sign of any symptom. (If  I did I would have gone to the doctor and would have done all the right things) I was absolutely shocked to here that I had it and heart broken that I gave it to him. I have had an STD test many times in the past but I was always told I do not need the herpes blood test because I have never had an outbreak. I only got the swap best done. Now I learn that the swap test gives a false negative 75% of the time. I am so mad at myself and upset that I did not push for the blood test. But when you get an STD check multiple times and your told the same thing by every doctor what am I supposed to think?

In the beginning of out relationship he asked me if I was tested and I told him I was. He is just now finishing up his PHD and is preparing to go to medical school in the fall. This could not of come at more of a worst time for him and I feel that I am to blame. Yes I just found out I have it too, but I still have no signs of the virus. He is telling me that he doesn’t blame me but is constantly questioning me why I never got the blood test before. I break down in tears because I wish I did, but I can’t go back in time and slap those doctors. (These doctors were my College heath doctors/ Planned Parenthood and free clinic in my hometown.)

I don’t really know what I’m looking for in writing this.  Some questions I have: If I am having an outbreak that I am unaware of can I give him an outbreak?  Like what just happened? Or since he now has the virus my unknown outbreaks will no longer affect him?

Is there anything he can do to minimize the outbreaks? I think if he gets it often he might begin to reseint me.

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus julianne06456

    Posted

    You are an asymptomatic carrier, although only 10% are truly asymptomatic. Most so-called asymptomatic carriers are actually near-asymptomatic: they do have symptoms, but very mild and not recognised as herpes. Are you sure you've never had *any* type of recurring issue down below, like yeast, tears/fissures, itchiness or rash? Most asymptomatics, once told what to look out for, become aware of symptoms.

    Herpes can spread without (recognised) symptoms through viral shedding, which occurs at random for life, so you will always be potentially infectious some of the time (up to 30% of days on average). This is what happened here. It's the most common way for herpes to spread.

    You cannot pass on "outbreaks", and now that he has it, it will make no difference whether he or you are having one or shedding, although he should take care not to get infected elsewhere for the first 4 months of developing antibody production. I'm assuming you both have Type 2, and if so, that's harder to acquire beyond the genitals, but precautions should still be taken, like no touching lesions then rubbing his eyes without washing his hands, etc.

    Everyone is different, and men seem to get it milder for the most part, but you'll just have to wait and see how it is for him. The first few months to a year are the worst, if he does get recurrences. There are antiviral meds he can take to treat recurrences, but usually recurrences are nowhere near as bad as the first outbreak, so he may not need them.

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      P.S. Most people do not test for herpes without symptoms, even the CDC does not encourage it (which I think is stupid), and most STD panels do not include herpes as a result. It needs to be specifically requested. If your bf regularly tested for herpes before, like he seems to think you should have, then he is in the minority. You can tell him that. Better yet, have him read the CDC's website, where they don't advise on routine herpes testing.
    • julianne06456
      julianne06456 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Thank you for your feed back.

      Yes we both have type 2.  I have had yeast infections my whole life, starting at age 11... when I got Meningitis (for the second time). I have always treated it like a yeast infection (gone to doctors for medication) and never thought it could be related to herpes. All of the previous itchig and irritation I have had in the past has been due to yeast.

      Regarding Meningitis, I had it 2x, once when I was a baby and the other when I was 11, both Viral. could there be any correlation being an asymptomatic carrier?

    • julianne06456
      julianne06456

      Posted

       Or by having herpes am I at more risk of getting Meningitis again?

      Also, I was looking on the CDC website to see where they say a herpe test is not standard unless requested after an outbreak. I was unable to find it. I saw an article posted in 2010 that briefly said something but that is 6 years ago and with very little information. I would really like to read more about the STD checking standards.  If you could point me in the right direction that would be very much appreciated.

      Thank you for your replys... I haven't been able to really talk about this to anyone other than my boyfriend and he does not want to talk about it. he is very upset and worried that he will have multiple recurrences. Also I have had more secual partners than him so he feel it is unfair that he has this life long virus without having an "exciting" past. He told me I was the 2nd girl he had unprotected sex with and after the 1st he got the full STD check including herpe. So I feel terrible.

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus julianne06456

      Posted

      Perhaps some of those yeast infections or vaginal irritations weren't always what you thought. Hard to say without swab testing. Meningitis shouldn't have any bearing on herpes in any way. Incidentally, Type 2 can cause viral meningitis in some, but most unlikely to have been the cause in your case, since it's extremely unlikely you had genital herpes as a baby or at 11yo! But that answers your other question. The meningitis caused by herpes tends to be mild and self-resolving.

      Search for the CDC's 2015 treatment guidelines for genital herpes. Although it says that those with multiple partners who go for STD testing should be considered for herpes testing (amongst some other scenarios), it also says: "Screening for HSV-1 and HSV-2 in the general population is not indicated." Not sure if there's something more explanatory elsewhere. I'll have to look. In many case, most doctors won't test without symptoms, unless specifically requested.

      Hopefully your bf will not have it too badly. The fact that he had a first outbreak at all does mean that he is potentially prone to recurrences, but they may not be very frequent and/or should be mild, plus there are meds he can take to ward off a recurrence, as noted previously. You can read up about the meds on the same CDC page above. Hope that helps!

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      Here you go. From the CDC FAQ on herpes screening:

      Q. Since so many people have HSV infection but don’t know they have it, why doesn’t CDC recommend routine testing all sexually active people for genital herpes?

      A. Herpes blood tests (also called HSV-2 type-specific serologic tests) can be very useful for diagnosing type 2 genital herpes infection in certain situations; 1) when someone has genital symptoms that might be related to herpes, and 2) when someone has a sex partner with symptomatic genital herpes. Herpes blood testing may also be useful for people seeking a full STD evaluation, especially for persons with multiple sex partners. However, CDC does not currently recommend routine type 2 HSV testing in someone with no symptoms suggestive of herpes infection (i.e., for the general population). We need additional evaluation to understand the benefits of testing, including whether routine HSV-2 testing improves health and reduces spread of infection in the population. In addition, these tests can be expensive; false positive test results may occur in some persons with a low likelihood of infection; and the diagnosis may have adverse psychological effects for some people. Although there is not enough evidence to recommend widespread testing, individual persons who are at risk for HSV-2 infection, such as those with a partner known to have a history of symptomatic herpes infection, or those with multiple partners, should consult their healthcare providers to discuss type 2 HSV serologic testing. Also, those concerned about genital herpes infection should discuss their concerns with their health care provider."

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