difficult journey. started lexapro recently.
Posted , 6 users are following.
so hard to type this because my hands are trembling a lot today.
i started taking Lexapro 18 days ago. i was previously on Prozac for 3 years and weaned myself off from 40mgs over a 9 month period. either i weaned too fast or i have an imbalance that will always need medication. my mental health steadily declined after stopping prozac and 4 months later i had a meltdown from hell that resulted in 24/7 anxiety and depression i never had before. the doc put me back on prozac at 10mg and i was fine and feeling better for a week until we upped the dose to 20mg. my world then collapsed in panic and crawling out of my skin all day/night. i did not want to live so i reached out and was admitted to the mental hospital. they stopped the prozac i had been on for 14 days by then and started me on 10mg lexapro and gabapentin as needed to calm me down. i can't take benzos because i have a history of rapid tolerance and crippling withdrawals. during my 12 days at the hospital i gradually improved and got my appetite back. i lost so much weight from this. i felt crappy the first 4 days on lexapro but it got better and i was just functional enough to be released.
i have way more anxiety and some depression now that i'm in the outside world. i'm waiting for the Lexapro to save me. i've seriously read hundreds of forum posts looking for hope and they help. some days are better than others. i tried to manage my anxiety without the gabapentin today and it was a major flop. i just feel so little hope that i will survive and overcome this. i know it's supposed to get better with time and it's so hard to believe while i'm going through hell. i may need to increase my Lexapro once the side effects ease up a bit. anxiety is bad in the mornings and usually lets up a bit by 5pm. depression is random. 18 days is not much considering my brain was basically "shattered" when i started the lexapro. i hate this process and the worry it won't get better. i guess i'm better since i'm not rechecking myself into the hospital, but i'm not better by much.
i have this horrible symptom of any noise startling me and my back and arms feel like they are burning when i get anxious. i just plain feel a discomfort sometimes like every part of my body vibrates with anxiety. feels so gross!
thanks for listening. any words of encouragement would be so appreciated.
0 likes, 36 replies
Nickie54 greg57941
Posted
Greg... I'm assuming you are a male... Why were u put on Prozac? Do you have GAD and Panic and depression or something else..? Yes Lexapro will kick in after a while.. I could tell from day one after I started Lexapro that it was helping..but u must get past the side effects and everything else.. Your body as a whole must get in check.. It takes time.. But well worth it.. Just give yourself time...Don't panic if u don't feel better instantly for it will not happen..take Care and stay in touch..😊
greg57941 Nickie54
Posted
thankyou for the kindness, Nickie54! i'm male and 44. it's a nightmare how i ended up on prozac. it started with benzo withdrawal in 2013. i had been medicating my insomnia with xanax for years and when it stopped working i went through a severe hospitalized withdrawal where the geniuses gave me Klonopin that later stopped working while i was in the middle of a responsible taper and again i was hospitalized. during that stay i was stabilized using prozac and zyprexa. it was tough but i came out on top and eventually tapered off the zyprexa that gained me 60 lbs and i was very stable on prozac. of course i felt great and thought i could make psych meds a thing of the past so i then tapered off the prozac which i should have never done or had done more carefully. this was all done with my doc's knowledge. only now have i fully accepted a life on medicine may be the best bet for me. just need to recover from this first. today was a real downer until i caved and took a gabapentin for relief. i'm trying to limit using it given my traumatic history of withdrawals. i also take atarax which is kind of like a prescription benedryl. i had a couple almost ok days last week. it's just so up and down!...and scary!
Nickie54 greg57941
Posted
Greg.. please believe me when I say .. been there done it and know what u r going thru and have gone thru.. Stay Strong and know it will get better.. just hold onto that..😊
greg57941 Nickie54
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i will be strong and update as it goes. doing my best to not let "it" break me. tomorrow is another day on the road to victory.
miso46022 greg57941
Posted
Usually starting medication, gets worse before gets better, I went through hell as well but you have to be patient, because in most cases gets better after 6-8 weeks, and you will feel your old self again, just don’t give up.
Upping the dose create side effects to reappear and longer recovery , I find going from 10 mg to 20mg helped me been my self again.
Good luck...
greg57941 miso46022
Posted
thank you, miso4602. i so much appreciate the reply. i guess i kind of forgot how hard the startup of prozac was for me when i swore i would not survive it. lexapro may be just as brutal in that regard. i think it's extra hard to start a med when you're fragile and already at rock bottom because the side effects pull you down further into a place that feels like an inescapable, torturous trap.
i'm so glad it's finally evening where i am. symptoms are a tad less and i'll be ok at least until the morning anxiety hits. who knows, maybe tomorrow will be a breakthrough. i have to be patient. haven't yet even hit 3 weeks. guess i'm scared like many that weeks of suffering will pass with no improvement and no solution....ughh, have to stop thinking like that
Guest greg57941
Posted
Is your depression and anxiety mostly caused by withdrawal from other medications? do you do any other kind of therapy?
Take care
arietta62795 greg57941
Posted
It is very important for you for me and all of us to have a schedule in a day. (as much as we can). It will help mind to think different things except dipression and anxiety. I watched myself. As long as I was staying home doing nothing, as many was feeling awfull and thinking negatively. Try to write in a paper your ideal life. Try to have people or friends around you and going out for small walks. The gym is helping you know. Try to undertake some activities that please you day by day (little steps that helping your brain to think different and more positive situations except anxiety)... the pills will help us but are not the only ones. We our selves, have also to to different things (smal at the biggining) in order to change our situation... I am sure that in the next few days you recover well...stay strong!!
greg57941
Posted
hello again. today seems a little better. not so much trembling today. the gabapentin really helps with the anxiety but adds some nausea and gastro upset.
your responses have really helped and gave me some hope. despite not feeling great i will try and find some joy today. not much energy in me after barely making it through yesterday. i'm wiped out. at least i slept better than ever since my hospital release. i'm just resting in bed staring out the window which i do all too often. i'll take the Lexapro soon and see how i feel about getting this day started.
Nama, i'm pretty sure my anxiety/depression is due to my body relying on prozac and without it my own mental defenses were not enough to keep me afloat. there were signs i was slipping during my prozac taper but i was so resolute on coming off it. i don't see a therapist yet but i will consider it...thanks for reminding me there are therapies that may help.
Arietta, thank you for that encouragement. since the doc took me off work my days are open with no structure. i feel best on weekends when being with my partner keeps me more active. left on my own i have a tendency to try and sleep the day away or pace around the house. this is all so not me!...up until this setback i loved the outdoors and cruising around town.
Nickie54 greg57941
Posted
U can do this..one moment at a time..😊
greg57941 Nickie54
Posted
i love the positivity here! i just took my Lexapro. instead of looking at the pill with dread, i looked at it will hope.
it's only a few hours into the day and it's definitely better than yesterday. this time yesterday i was in terror over my symptoms. today i feel more restful and can actually nap more peacefully if i choose. depression not as heavy either.
question: since my life on psych meds began, i get songs that play in my head repeatedly. it's quite annoying and can last many hours of my day. anyone else?
Nickie54 greg57941
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greg57941 Nickie54
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such a blessing you are here. i'm there for you too, incomplete as i am at present, lol. so far stable enough and getting by today. been a crazy, horrid ride so i'm enjoying a more relaxed me. usually my symptoms peak about now so i will take a gaba which will help further. had my first solid bm today. just got done playing with my dogs. i'm trying to be mindful of not exerting myself too much. i got some wobbly legs at the moment. i'm working on staying away from unproductive thoughts that mostly involve my prozac taper flop gone wrong.
life has been hard the past 20 years since i developed an unknown chronic fatigue like illness that triggered a decline in my physical and mental health. i've lived pretty much on the edge of needing help for anxiety since then. i NEVER suffered depression, at least not until prozac withdrawal. it was a foreign feeling and i never knew my mind could go that far into the darkness. i knew it wasn't really me and was the withdrawal imbalance but that didn't change how real it was. yuck! many times i contemplate which is worse - anxiety or depression, and i've concluded they are equally bad in either extreme.
Nickie54 greg57941
Posted
A Special Thank You To A Special Friend..It is a hard road but like u said try and not let your mind go to those dark places .. We all have them from time to time.. but put your thinking on what u Love and Live to do..Ypu promise me u will stay in touch..Try and have a Pleasant evening.. Kerp your mood nd on Pleasant Thoughts... Love your Fur Babies..😊
greg57941 Nickie54
Posted
i promise i'll be around. a better night for me today. just shaky hands while eating dinner and some panic. truly, i was panicking that i felt better and worried it won't last. bad thinking i know but i couldn't help it...oops
i'm finding my tv shows i once enjoyed to be overstimulating. i'm having trouble with scenes that contain confrontation or violence. i remember this happened during my recovery on benzos. hopefully history repeats and in a few weeks i'll be unaffected.
gosh, ssri's are really right up there with any addictive drug regarding recovery. i guess the reason i felt so confident i could beat prozac is because i knew it would be uncomfortable but didn't think it would be near impossible. i mean i was able to successfully taper off a near 3-year relationship with Zyprexa, an antipsychotic, but ssri withdrawal after 4 months clean lands me in the psych ward! i might be getting my sense of humor back because it's making me chuckle. reminds me that today was the first day i noticed i didn't feel "doped up" or numb.
Nickie, congrats on just about 4 months completed on Lex! i hope each day continues to bring wellness. i truly believe there is much more healing that takes place after the standard 6-8 weeks i keep hearing about. it was really about 6 months until prozac fully recovered me if it in fact was a full recovery...i can't decide but i certainly did great and had perfect attendance at work for 3 years.
maybe lexapro will kill my sex drive but it hasn't yet. would gladly give it up to have lasting years of mental peace. have not put on weight yet either but maybe it's too soon for those things to happen. has lexapro made you gain any?
have a good evening too. oh btw, i'm from California.
Nickie54 greg57941
Posted
Greg... So You are from The Sunshine State..yes I know what you mean by thinking ok when is the stuff going to hit me again.. but please try and stay away from that dark side of your mind.. we must think positive thoughts...and again I agree with you about it taking much longer than 6-8 weeks for you to get the complete effect of the lexapro or any other drug u take..Time is the answer in determining if the meds will work 100%.. we humans want instant everything but not so much in meds.. especially for Aniexty.. panic and depression.. just hang in there and have a Beautiful Sunshiny Day...😊
greg57941 Nickie54
Posted
i wish you a beautiful day too. i woke up feeling energetic. had to be careful not to confuse it with anxiety. slept better again. not so much anxiety so far. feeling a more positive attitude. may venture out later today. i hope this keeps working. i have a mild headache and hands are still unsteady but i otherwise can't complain. love that i did not wake up to depressive thoughts.
i joined the "lexapro support group" on Facebook. looks like a lot of daily posts and many responses from nice people.
Nickie54 greg57941
Posted
Sounds like u may have turned the bend and can see the light at the end of the tunnel.. Lexapro does work.. we must just give it time.. it’s not a miracle drug but a drug that can really help us..Keep that positive outlook and u will make it..Soo glad u joined the support group on Facebook..we can’t have too much support.. Does us Good.. I to had the headaches.. they To will pass in time.. Take Care and keep us updated..😊
greg57941 Nickie54
Posted
2 days ago i went to the gym with anxiety and left 15 min after in a state of panic that lasted the rest of the day. today i went to the gym with slight anxiety and finished my workout feeling good. then went to the market and felt pretty decent. back home and anxiety is trying to creep back, and that's ok because some progress is better than none.
dave51726 greg57941
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greg57941 dave51726
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Nickie54 greg57941
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See Greg... it’s getting better and it will continue to improve daily..u may continue to have a little break thru aniexty here and there but u will improve.. I’m so Happy for you.. Good things come to those who wait...😊 stay in touch...
greg57941 Nickie54
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nauseous this morning but anxiety is in check so far. took a sip of a probiotic drink which i hope helps. i've always believed my health issues stem from an unhealthy balance of bacteria or yeast in my gut where most of our serotonin just happens to be produced. looking forward to a lazy day with no obligations.
greg57941 Nickie54
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Nickie54 greg57941
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Greg... Yes there will b days like that but keep focusing on those good days and before u know it there will b all good days... Sooo Sorry u r having such a hard time.. stay in touch...😊