Difficulty losing my virginity + weird sensation down there?

Posted , 4 users are following.

This discussion has been locked due to a period of inactivity. Start a new discussion

Hi everyone! I am new here and would like your opinion on a very delicate topic.

So my boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex for quite a while now. The problem is, I experience immence pain, as if something was tearing me from the inside. At one point, we even had stopped trying, as I got too frustrated and didn't want to experience the pain ever again. I would feel really miserable thinking about how other people are able to enjoy sex without any problems and I would even be on the verge of crying if I saw a couple at a supermarket buying condoms. However, I'm glad I managed to calm down, I changed my attitude and it really did help. We are continuing to try it and are slowly making progress. The opening of my vulva isn't as tender as it used to be, and the first couple of inches the penis goes in without any problem and pain. At home, I also have a... well... object that is not as big or thick as a penis and I sometimes use it while masturbating. I slide it in as far as I feel comfortable and then I let it stay there for a while for my muscles to adjust.

I don't think this is a problem of poor lubrication, as I always make sure I'm properly wet. We have also tried a lubricant, but it didn't make a big difference. I'm not dismissing the psychological factor, although I do find it rather unlikely as my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and have a very close and happy relationship.

I don't know if my hymen has been broken or not. There has never been any blood. I tend to think that the hymen is the problem. My boyfriend even told me that he can feel the hymen with his finger or penis and that he feels a sharp edge against his skin.

I've seen a gynecologist about this, but I was very disappointed. She didn't seem to be taking this seriously and just brushed it off by saying this is caused by psychological problems. And she didn't even bother to look inside me! Of course, I will make another appointment at another doctor, but right now I want to hear some opinion from other women. smile

Here is another problem I think is connected to my difficulties as it started only recently: I started experiencing a random, weird poking-like sensation inside my vulva. It feels like something is penetrating me, just what it feels like when my boyfriend and I are trying to have sex. It hurts slightly and there may also be a burning sensation. This usually happens when I'm sitting and stops when I change position. It also occurs some days after I masturbate with the object mentioned. I am thinking maybe it's the damaged hymen tearing or stretching.

The weirdest situation I experienced so far was as I was swimming in the pool. I clinged onto the wall of the pool and lifted my legs up the wall and then suddenly experienced that poking pain again. It felt almost as if I was penetrated by the water (I know how awkward that sounds). I put my legs down immediately. Later, as I was changing my clothes, I discovered some brownish smear on my bikini bottom. Maybe it was the hymen tearing? I don't know. To be honest, I don't even know what to think of my vulva anymore, it just feels like such an anomaly!

 

What could this poking pain be? And does anyone have some advice on this topic? smile

0 likes, 13 replies

Report

13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Diane, sorry to hear about your problem.  I would definitely see a doctor, and request an internal examination, since it seems that something is not quite right.  It should not take such difficulty for you to try to have sex.  Can I ask, do you use tampons?  One of my friends had a problem after using tampons for years, she suddenly couldn't manage it, or have sex with her boyfriend.  After seeing a doctor for the problem it was found that she'd accidentally forgotten to remove one tampon, and once that was removed, everything went back to normal.  But it sounds like you've always had this problem.  I'm a bit angry that you were told that the problem was "psychological" and not given an examination or even any ways to cope if it truly is the problem.  Sometimes, rarely, there is a psychological component where the muscles just tense up too much to allow penetration, but it sounds like you have something different to that.  That "poking" sensation is definitely a problem, and may indicate a uterine prolapse.  This occurs, rarely, where the muscles in the uterus are weakened and "bulge" into the vagina, blocking things.   This usually only happens after childbirth, but you really need to get it checked out by a doctor actually having a look to ensure everything is normal.  You may also have an abnormally thick hymen, which would not be a problem, it would just require a doctor to give you a local anathestic and cut it so that it is no longer a problem.  

    Please do get it checked out.  Plus, you seem to have a very good relationship with your boyfriend, good luck with everything!

    Minamii

    Report
  • Posted

    It could be vaginismus which is a psychological problem. It is also fairly common for women having sex for the first time. The woman fears that penetration will hurt and, expecting it to, tenses up down there and it does hurt because the muscles are not relaxed. There is a very good book on overcoming vaginismus called 7 steps to pain free sex by Claudia Amherd. It helped me. However, I am not sure what could be causing the poking sensation at other times. You need to find a doctor who will take you seriously and examine you. That other doctor who dismissed your problem as psychological still should have offered you help with vaginismus if she thought that's what it was. Disgusting behaviour from a gynae. If it is vaginismus it won't go away on its own, you need to train yourself gradually.

    Report
  • Posted

    It occurred to me that most of the images on the internet to do with prolapse are a bit scary looking, due to them being of ladies with advanced prolapse.  However, I found some good common-sense information and will post it here. 

    "Wash your hands. Sit comfortably on a toilet, or on the floor with your hips and knees bent. Make sure you’re in a well-lit room, or grab a flashlight. Gently part your labia (the outer and inner “lips” of your vulva) and use a handheld mirror to look inside the vaginal canal. Do you see anything? If you see a “bulge” that protrudes to the level of — or outside of — the vaginal entrance, then you probably have pelvic organ prolapse (which could be a prolapsed bladder, uterus, vaginal vault, or rectum). Make an appointment with your healthcare provider for further evaluation.

    If you DON’T see a significant bulge, then gently bear down. You can try coughing (without contracting your pelvic floor first) and see what happens. If gently bearing down and/or coughing produces a bulge, then you might have mild-moderate pelvic organ prolapse. Finish by checking the same things standing up. After all, we live our life in upright positions… Not lying down on an examination table! It’s important to check for prolapse in functional positions such as sitting and standing.

    As for specifics about what prolapse looks like, please note that for all women there will be “texture” on the inside of the vaginal canal. You should note wrinkled or “ridged” looking reddish-pinkish tissues (this is called vaginal rugae). This is okay and totally normal! It’s also normal to feel/see your vaginal wall descend SLIGHTLY when and if you experiment with bearing down or coughing. However, it is NOT normal to see a golf ball-like bulge that goes to the level of — or protrudes out of — your vaginal opening."

     

    Report
  • Posted

    Thank you for your replies. Uterine prolapse sounds really scary! I hope that's not it. But I am too frightened to take a look inside myself. I think, being the hypochondriac that I am, I tend to misinterpret things. So if I actualy "saw" something weird down there, I think I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Now I almost wish it was only vaginismus, even though I was so scared of having it a few months ago – but other possibilities seem much more horrifying.

    I actually noticed that I also sometimes have the feeling of air being trapped inside my vagina, and sometimes feel the bubbles coming out... Does that sound crazy?

    And no, I don't use tampons...

    So anyway, I have already made an appointment with another doctor. Let's hope this time it goes better and I will get some answers! But I still welcome any replies to this topic.

    Report
  • Posted

    Suki Girl is right, air bubbles inside the vagina are entirely normal.  Every woman gets them, and it's not something to be concerned about.  

    This discussion has made me realize how little we women know about what is normal and what is not in our bodies.  We just don't seem to discuss and think about our various "bits" the same way men tend to do.  I'm glad we have this forum to be able to turn that around a bit.  

     

    Report
    • Posted

      I agree, it is strange to think that all these things that us 50+ year olds take in our stride may be strange and worrying for those embarking on the sexual adventure for the first time. These forums are great. I had no one to ask when I was in my late teens - I never would have asked my mum!
      Report
    • Posted

      I think I was lucky, I grew up on a farm.  Breeding animals was just one of the things we all discussed around the kitchen table at meal time : whether dad's purchase of a Brahmin bull would improve the herd if we put the bull  "over" a Hereford or Freesian cow, and the merits of adding a bit of dingo strain to our blue heeler sheepdogs.  I used to midwife horses and cats, and help dad and mum if the ewes had trouble during lambing.  So when I went to high school in town, I was really surprised at some of the weird things the townie kids believed in. Not that I'm an expert by any means, and I still get some surprises at some of the things my body does now that I'm 50+.  I could do without the wrinkles and arthritis!  But sex?  Meh, been there, done that! ;D 

      Report
  • Posted

    Yes, and air bubbles can get pushed inside during intercourse, especially in certain positions. Can make rather embrassing loud sounds when you change position, but it's fine if you and your partner are comfortable with each other.

    Report
    • Posted

      I used to get the giggles with the intercourse sounds! Rather puts your partner off his stroke if he's concentrating and you're falling about laughing!

      Report
  • Posted

    Hi Diane

    To me it sounds like you might have some pelvic floor dysfunction.  The "poking" sensation could be muscles screaming for help... They may be so tight they are pushing for relief. I know because I had the same symptoms. I had pelvic floor dysfunction and am seeing a pelvic PT. It has helped me so much! The hymen itself is very soft. It doesn't have any sharp edges. It is as soft as your tongue.  Sharp edges come from bones. It could be your pelvic bone he is feeling. Otherwise you may have something called vulvodynia which just means pain in the vulva/vagina.  What you are doing with the dilators is a good thing. Dilating slowly is a good idea.  Just be sure to move on gradually. Don't rush it. When you are at the largest size, then it's safe to move on to sex. But I wouldn't rush it! Wait till you are at the largest size.. Or the size that is similar to your boyfriends penis. That's the only way to safely move on. You don't want to rush it and have the sex- pain- fear cycle. 

    No, not everyone can experience pain free sex. I have other physical problems and they prevent us from doing that. So you are not alone. Yes its sad, but sometimes life hands us a bowl of sour pickles. We just have to deal with it. So hubby and I do. Get another opinion. Maybe look for a doctor who specializes in vulvar pain.  Best wishes. Debi

    Report
    • Posted

      Hhi Diane

      Also the spasms are also symptoms of pelvic pain. My PT deals with them all the time.  I have them too.  Ask for a referral to a pelvic PT. At least get a consultation with them. Maybe they might have  some ideas for you too. 

      Report
  • Posted

    Hi Diane

    To me it sounds like you might have some pelvic floor dysfunction.  The "poking" sensation could be muscles screaming for help... They may be so tight they are pushing for relief. I know because I had the same symptoms. I had pelvic floor dysfunction and am seeing a pelvic PT. It has helped me so much! The hymen itself is very soft. It doesn't have any sharp edges. It is as soft as your tongue.  Sharp edges come from bones. It could be your pelvic bone he is feeling. Otherwise you may have something called vulvodynia which just means pain in the vulva/vagina.  What you are doing with the dilators is a good thing. Dilating slowly is a good idea.  Just be sure to move on gradually. Don't rush it. When you are at the largest size, then it's safe to move on to sex. But I wouldn't rush it! Wait till you are at the largest size.. Or the size that is similar to your boyfriends penis. That's the only way to safely move on. You don't want to rush it and have the sex- pain- fear cycle. 

    No, not everyone can experience pain free sex. I have other physical problems and they prevent us from doing that. So you are not alone. Yes its sad, but sometimes life hands us a bowl of sour pickles. We just have to deal with it. So hubby and I do. Get another opinion. Maybe look for a doctor who specializes in vulvar pain.  Best wishes. Debi

    Report

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion

Report as inappropriate

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up