Disgusted with myself: Life With Genital Herpes

Hey,

My story so far, I probably caught the herpes may be a year ago or it can be even more, however I didn't had any outbreaks, which means I wasn't danger to anyone, and few months ago I was sick i got some bad flue or something, so my immune system was very low and this is how the herpes show. Same as you I don't know how i got it, i was in a relationship for 1 year and a half, we had an protected sex but he was my first and he was claiming that i was his first. My doctor said that the guys carry diseases with them even if they are not sick, they just carry them and pass them on, so I bet his the one. I was with two guys since we broke up they are all fine you just need to use protection and not to have an outbreak.

Yes we are carrying this disease with us, but we can still live our lives, basically everyone has this thing inside them, it is just we are the "lucky" ones. I know for a fact that every sixth person has herpes, it is really wide spread.

In the future just have pills for your immune system so u don't get sick, because the herpes can lead to other ceases which are really scary.. I am kind on this path right now, I am waiting for my results, anyways I hope this was helpful. I am sure you will have a lot of boyfriends so don't worry about that. I believe you are around my age.

Hey darl,

I have been in your situation since I was 18 (I am now 20) and first thing I can say to you is, there will be a time where you don't think about it for weeks at a time (and when you do think about it, it won't leave you feeling depressed)... what I'm trying to say is, it doesn't hurt forever!

Secondly, do not feel disgusted. As mentioned in the comment before mine, genital herpes is very common! I myself have chosen to tell some of my closest friends and one of them even said they had it too. My boyfriend told his best friend who then revealed that his brother has it and gave it to his wife, and they just take medication and get on with it, just like any other couple. My friend is in a relationship and the guy knows and he is accepting. My other friend told me her sister has it and she is now engaged with a man who loves her for who she is and they have a beautiful baby boy!

And then there is my story... My boyfriend didn't know he had it and then gave it to me. I chose to be understanding, as it was my decision not to wear a condom as well. The first few weeks were very hard, as was telling my mum. I was petrified at the idea that me and my boyfriend might break up and then I would have to face the single world and find a partner when I am so young.

But you know what....

I'm worth it.

This disease is just an inconvenience and does not define me, my personality, my worth or my confidence! If someone cannot deal with my situation in the future (should I ever get to that point) then they are not right for me.

My advice would be, be very very careful of who you talk to about it.

look after yourself.

cry... but then move on.

in terms of sexual relationships.... you must must must wear a condom every time unless the person has stated that they are willing to take the risk... even if you are on the medication. It broke my boyfriends heart to watch me go through what I did and to feel responsible.

It's a hard thing to be diagnosed with herpes...

It's also a hard thing to give it to someone you care about and you HAVE to be careful from now on.

Also, it sounds horrible, but try reading some forums of people who have just found out they have HIV... it makes you realise we are extremely lucky!!!! we can still do everything we want, like have babies, donate blood, work in hospitals (which I am currently studying to do)... as far as diseases go, getting a little ulcer every now and then is nothing.

And a positive that I have come to realise is, you will never sleep with someone without a condom again (unless in a serious and open relationship in which risks have been discussed) and that is exactly how it should be. You will never fall pregnant to a random ass hole, or catch something worse like HIV, because you will be 100% about wearing a condom now.

I am a happy girl

I have an amazing boyfriend who I plan on marrying one day

I have friends, some of who know about herpes and all of which still love me

I am studying

I am healthy

&

I have herpes

Does it really affect my life??

No

And it doesn't need to define yours either.

Hope that helps sweetheart x

Oh, and I have never taken the medication because I am in a relationship with someone who already has it. If that weren't the case I would absolutely take them if I was thinking about sleeping with someone, as well as using a condom. Also, there are dating sites for people with herpes so that you can knowingly sleep together and not have to have that awkward chat!

Weird, but kinda cool I suppose.

But yes, you do have every chance of dating soon. Just be selective and don't trust every guy you have a crush on. Because people talk, sadly.

You'll be fine.

Okay I promise I'm done this time!!

Hello! Don't be so hard on yourself , but so many of us have been there. Some people take it on board and are fine and others go through what you are. I know I did. I was about 20... and I felt like my whole world had ended at the time. I didn't know what to do, I was so ashamed... I basically lived in denial. My two best friends knew something was up and said ""guess what, we have it too!"" theres was HSV1 on the genitals, mine was HSV2 though. Anyway that really helped to know how common it is!...

When I was young I made some really bad choices, and I even had partners which I didn't disclose to because I was so ashamed, I wasn't informed, I thought it was really common, and also I was educated on the facts... I thought because I only had 1 little blister once ever and it wasn't in an outbreak that I probably wouldn't pass it on. Plus I was a total idiot! Something I regret and will probably remember for the rest of my life. As I got older, I went back and followed up with anyone that I may have exposed the virus to and lucky for me, they didn't have it. LUCKY! Anyway... point is life goes on. We learn our lessons - and you well get use to the idea of having this virus. It is really just a skin condition and you may never get it again. I am married, and we are planning a family. I told him and he was totally fine with it. Who knows he may have even already been a dormant carrier!

It isn't the end of the world. In fact I never even think about it on a personal level, I more think about the mistakes I made in my life. I really don't care that I have it. But the main thing is preventing the spread. Something I should have learned more about when I was a kid.

I've had herpes for over 30 years and have had boyfriends who have stayed and boyfriends who have left because of it. I was married and I have three healthy children I had vaginally. I say be up front with suitors, if they have hesitation or are scared it's better they leave sooner than later, no need to get your heart involved with someone if they have intimacy issues due to herpes. As for breakouts, I think everyone has a personal formula. Mine is an essential oil formula I developed 20 years ago along with immune system building vitamin regime.

I'm 41 and have hsv-2 as well as neurofibromatosis (I have a severe case of neurofibromatosis) it's hard enough to find anyone being covered in tumors but now I have herpes. Had someone who was ok with the NF said he was ok with herpes but clearly he wasn't because he bounced. Didn't even say good bye, just disapeared. At my age it's next to impossible to find a partner as it is .

Interesting topic.

My girlfriend recently stopped hopping on the love train and i asked her why?

She said nothing apart from she was having a two week period. Then she said she had a coldsore.

Now she has rung up with the news that she may have genital herpes. Surprisingly honest for my girl who normally lies through her teeth.

As a guy, i have never noticed anything on either of us for three years.

So we await the diagnosis from the blood test for each of us.

She said she may have contracted it from a previous partner. I was tested clean before i got with her as i went to a doctor and asked about malaria which i got working in Africa. During my first marriage, i was therefore clean. And my ex-wife and i stopped having sex once the children arrived.

My girlfriend also felt she was pretty careful with everyone except her ex-husband. She said she felt that she did not deserve to get it.

It has really chopped her down like a tree. She is offering to walk away from the relationship which i know she would not enjoy.

I understand the feeling in this thread. It's quite a flattening feeling.

It is lifelong. It has a certain stigma that you are dirty.

But you just learn to rationalise it. With malaria, it has no ill effects and it knocks a couple of days off the end of your life when your immune system starts to fail.

We have 3 scenarios possible:

(i) she has it, i dont

(ii) we both have it

(iii) we both dont.

If we both have it, then i dont see a big problem. Relationship continues to it's natural conclusion. I can push for a bit more commitment.

If it's (i) i would reconsider. Partly because future activity would mean i may contract herpes.

It's not uncommon but i would not put myself at risk of getting it which then reduces my chances of getting with a new partner in the future.

It's just a personal thing and does not reflect negatively on her. I know she is not 'loose' or anything like that.

I will support her through the initial phases of the diagnosis before making any decisions.

She was most pleased i did not freak out. I just rang her the next night and told her i still loved her which i know she needed to hear.