Do I have aspergers?

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I am 14 years old and in 8th grade. My dad thinks I have aspergers and actually lied to me and said I was going to the doctors because I "have" diabetes. *Note* I don't have diabetes and I am 5"10 150 pounds. My dad thinks I have no friends, but in reality, I text them all the time and I always have baseball so I can't hang out with them. From where I live, no one my age lives nearby, not a single person, so it is very hard to get together as my dad never lets me go very far. I am a very picky eater, I'll admit that. I just don't like the taste of lots of foods. He also said I was socially awkward, espiecally in public. He used an example of ordering food at a restaurant. I have trouble ordering b/c I am a picky eater and I struggle to find foods that I like. Both my sisters are VERY VERY socially awkward but my dad does not bat an eye. He also says I stay in my room all day which is somewhat true. I stay in my room all day b/c I literally have a evil stepmother and her children are annoying af. I hate them so much. My only escape of this is in my room, where I proceed to play video games, do homework, text friends. I spend lots of time outside b/c of baseball and some days I get home from school, go to baseball and then it's 8:00 and I have to do homework then go to bed. My sister also spends WAY MORE time than me in her room and he doesn't care at all. My step-siblings have lots of mental problems and they also have ADD and ADHD. I honestly personally think that my step mother just wants me to be diagnosed with something bad so her kids can be better than me. My father was calling my mother about me having aspergers and he proceeded to call my mom lots of bad words, and how horrible of a mother she is. I am actually somewhat scared of my dad, and he just doesn't understands me. He made my mother cry a lot, and I fealt so bad for her. She was crying and I could tell she was feeling extremely sad. No mother should go thru this. I just want to know if I actually have aspergers or not. If you guys don't think I have it, what can I tell the doctor, as my dad won't believe anything I say. Thanks, Jack.

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    Jack, it sounds like you have a lot to cope with and you are amazingly self aware, much more so than I was at your age. My ideas to help are as follows. In the UK, there is a phone number children can call run by an organisation called 'childline', is there something similar in the US? Also, educate yourself about aspergers syndrome. That way you will be able to decide for yourself whether you think you have it.

    In UK the GP gives you a questionnaire and the responses you give to it indicate whether you MIGHT have aspergers. If so, you will be asked to see a specialist for a proper assessment.

    Out of interest, are you doing baseball because you want to? Aspergers people do often have a passion - something they love to do that helps them cope with the world. However non-aspergers people who need an escape also do. It does sound like anyone would need to escape from your step-siblings! I do think reading about aspergers is the best thing to do. Then if you think you haven't got it, you will be able to give examples of why not. It may be that by marrying your stepmother, and taking on her children with their special mental health conditions, your father has learnt about mental health and realised that you might need help. If you have got aspergers, being diagnosed can lead to you getting support in school and extra time or special conditions in exams. For example, my daughter gets extra time and can take her exam in a separate room to everyone else (as it stresses her out to be in the room with people watching her). To summarise what I'm saying, I can understand why you escape to your room; I don't know whether you've got aspergers and suggest you read up on it to find out; if you have got aspergers it will help to get diagnosed. All the best. Barbara

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    You sound like an especially normal, typical 14 year old to me! But, Barbara is right - you should read up to learn all  you can on Aspergers. IF you have it, you can speak far more reasonably to your mother about it than your father has. You can help determine what's next for you. If you DON'T have it, you'll know what to say to the doctors even if your objections fall on deaf ears at home. 

    I'm glad you have interests and friends! You may have a little depression, which sounds understandable. Then again, lots of teens want to hang in their room so it doesn't automatically = some condition that requires treatment.  Your dad may be overwhelmed as the head of a blended family with special needs. He may secretly want you to step up and do more, become more involved with your whole family, which you're resisting. See if you can meet him part-way...if nothing else, it could help him ease up on how he views your behavior.

    I would ask the doctor to speak with another trusted adult, like a teacher. Someone who you know "gets you" and will be honest and neutral. Maybe it's a friend's parent who has known you for years...someone who can put your behaviors in perspective for the doctor who doesn't know any of you. You could also make the same points you made here - you're frustrated that you live with siblings who annoy you (many 14 year olds share this view!), you're a typical busy kid who wants to unwind alone AND you now suspect your father's motives because he's lied to you. 

    You're in an uncomfortable place with your father - maybe you can also get some time alone with him outside of the house to talk? Not even about all of this, just how's your day or there's a girl I like or can you help me practice fielding ground balls..stuff that boys and dads can build relationships over as the boys are becoming men themselves. Look at a friend with a Dad you want yours to be like - what do they do together and can you have time like that with your father?

    It sounds like family counseling would be helpful for everyone. You can't really make that happen, so just look at the parts you can control and do what you can to make things a little better. Please keep us posted! GL!!!

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