Do I have bipolar? Please help!!!

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Hi there. For a while now I've been a different person. I don't know exactly how long I've been like this but it's only recently I've decided I have a problem. I got with my partner near 4 years ago and I love him so much. But I am horrible to him most of the time for no reason. I will often pick a fight with him when he's done nothing wrong. I won't speak to him for days and this sometimes lasts for weeks with the odd few days where we'll be ok. I find it so so hard to say sorry to him. I'll turn things round and make it his fault. I sometimes forget why I wasn't speaking to him. I'll go mad at him if he makes a mess in the house. I can spend hours cleaning then get depressed when things are messed up again. I sometimes even hate the sound of him breathing! I can't have him even touch me when we're asleep in bed. Sometimes I sleep loads and want to sleep all day. Other times I can't get to sleep at night. In the last 5 years I've got in about £15k worth of debt. I have nothing nice to show for this. I have 2 beautiful children and I never take things out on them but they must feel that I'm not right and notice when I'm not speaking to my partner. I don't even want to go out of the house some days and will stay in and not get dressed. I sometimes even find it hard to have a shower (I'm not a dirty person at all). My kids are well looked after and well fed they are not the issue here. If anyone has any advice it's much appreciated. I don't know what to do next and scared of going to the doctors. Sorry this is not written the best my head is all over the place at the moment.

Thanks in advance

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    sarah

    I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time and experience in life. The only advice I can give you is to overcome your fear and make an appointment see a Dr(s). I would also suggest your partner go along with you and become part of the discussion. You may be bi-polar from what you said, but you need a diagnose from a professional. Don’t expect an overnight one visit cure, but at least you will have taken one step of what may be many.

    Take Care and let us know how you are doing.

    steve

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    • Posted

      Thank you steve1951. I know I need to see someone about it and I will take the step sooner rather than later. I hate this horrible person I've become. I feel so anxious at the moment. I wake up with this awful feeling and can't shake it off. Then I'm in a bad mood for ages. I haven't left the house since Saturday. I have even kept my son off school so I don't have to go anywhere. I know this is really bad of me. I haven't really got dressed either. I didn't feel like eating today and just forced myself to have some tea with the kids. My partner isn't here tonight so I'm left on my own. Sometimes this is a good thing so I'm not picking at him but I still find myself txting him and having a go about something. I know I'm not a bad person deep down and it's only been the last year or so where I've gone worse. My partner just puts up with it and I don't know why! I'm a nightmare. When I stop speaking to him and he doesn't speak back I even have a go at him for not speaking to me which is just something else I can have a go for. I know u must think I sound crazy!
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    • Posted

      sarah

      I glad you’re going to take that step. But don’t get in a rut of I’ll make the Dr’s appointment tomorrow and then I do it tomorrow… If it gets to that point, have your partner make the appointment for you. I’m on an anti-depressant that also helps with sleep. I have epilepsy and my Dr once made a remark that I may be boarder line bi-polar. One of my anti-seizure meds I take is also used to treat bi-polar disorders though not as extreme of what you are going through. There are different types of bi-polar disorders.

      sarah, I want to hear back when you or partner take the first step and make a Dr.’s appointment!

      Take Care

      steve

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    • Posted

      Thank you for sharing that with me Steve. I promise I will have a chat with my partner tomorrow then we can both arrange a doctor's appointment for me. It scares me that I will be on some kind of medication if there is something wrong with me. I think this may have been going on for years looking back. Will they ask me about growing up and my past do u know? I didn't have the best childhood but I wouldn't want to blame everything on that. U did grow up sooner than I should and have always been in dependant but also made some bad choices in life. I've drank since I was 13, smoked, done drugs and went clubbing when I was around 14/15. I used to hang around with older people. Ended up having an abortion at 19 which I've always felt guilty about. Put myself in dangerous situations. Not many people know this and if u asked anyone I know they would be shocked to hear any of this. I am good at hiding true feelings from people as I guess I never knew any different.
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  • Posted

    Ot does sound very much like you have bipolar hun but obviously there's no substitute for a professional opinion/diagnosis. Please don't be scared to go to Your doctor that could very well be your path to working things out and getting the support you need to help with all these crazy emotions you feel.

    If you can I'd try to talk to your partner about your suspicions too. He would most likely be so relieved to hear you say that you realise these things and want to make them stop x

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    • Posted

      Thank you skyla12. Have you got bipolar? Feel like crying reading these nice comments. Ha. I think I've hidden my nice emotions for so long. It's good to let all this out as I don't talk to anyone about it. My partner must feel so unloved and I know I'm doing it but I can't stop being nasty to him. It's like I have to do it if u get what I mean? I even went in a mood over Christmas because I ended up getting all the kids presents etc. And I went mad at him for buying me a present Xmas eve and not sooner. I opened it and then put it to one side and couldn't bring myself to say thank you! How ungreatful am I. I made sure the kids had a great day I do hide my moods as best I can From them.
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  • Posted

    I would say see a doc about anxiety and depression. It doesn't sound like bipolar in any way to me, which is a good thing. Its a very difficult condition for a professional to diagnose so we're not usually the best judges for these things. It does sound more like general anxiety
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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply. I was looking things up of what could possibly be wrong with me and bipolar was one of the things that came up. Have u had experience of anxiety before? I guess the only way I will know is to see a doc eh. I can't go on this way any more. It's not fare on my partner and I hate feeling like crap all the time.
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    • Posted

      yes ive suffered anxiety for a lot of years. any diagnosis is very complex, and ideally is only done by a therapist or psychiatrist, a general doctor isnt really qualified. best steps is to ask for a therapy referal, speak to a professional and they will guide you on whats best to do for you
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  • Posted

    Hi I don't have bipolar but my fiance does and it's a horrible illness to live with for both the person. With it and the partner.

    I'm Lucky that hes willing to get help although we're still yet to find a long lasting solution but at least he isn't refusing help like a lot of people do.

    You aren't a bad person although you may act badly. I try to remind myself of that about my fella all the time. . He may be hurtful and nasty but he has bipolar and he is a good person underneath it all. he hates himself for feeling so angry but apologizing for taking his anger out on me is one of the hardest things in the world For him to do... even stopping to think how i feel just doesn't come naturally.

    You're definitely NOT alone hun and you are still a good loveable person x

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  • Posted

    Hi Sarah!

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you! I am bipolar but, don't label what you are feeling. Wait to see what the doctor says. Ive been through a lot. Medication is actually a great thing should you need it. If you can join a therapy group and discuss how you feel, it is amazing how it helps! To know you are not alone is amazing and healing. It appears your partner loves you and is still there for you and that is beautiful. Get help and he'll know you want to change things for the better. If you can, talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Its okay to say "I don't know why I'm acting this way". My circumstances are a bit different but I have felt like you. I promise you, things will get better. Just seek assistance from a doctor and you will be taking the first step to a better you. It won't change over night but in time and with effort, you'll be okay! When I was diagnosed bipolar, I thought my life was over. It wasn't, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life! Wish you the best!

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  • Posted

    sarah

    It's been 4 days now. Did you or your partner make an appointment?

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