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Do I have genital herpes? How can I deal with it?

Posted , 5 users are following.

adam85623
adam85623

I had conflicting symptoms recently, mainly:

1) 1 red spot then a separate cut after rough sex. Then the same evening, and for 1-2 days afterwards, open ulcers. 

2) I didn't have other symptoms except for slight lower back pain on the left side (same side of ulcers on shaft of penis). 1 week after the ulcers first started they disappeared but the back pain which started very mild now became unbearable, and seems to be moving, or expanding,  to my upper left buttock.

3) I saw an NHS (Jefferies Wing) consultant and a Better2Know consultant. At first instance, both indicated the spots/ulcers looked like Herpes. But at the end of the examination, the NHS consultant said it doesn't seem to be Herpes and he gave me Fucidic Acid dor bacterial infection. He said he would probably bet it's not Herpes. While the Better2Know consultant, whom I saw 2 hours later, said it's probably Herpes. 

4) The 2 partners I had encounters with in the previous 2-3 weeks insisted they don't have Herpes. They both had limited previous partners and where using condoms with non-long term partners. 

What is your guess? And does it happen that the back pain becomes that severe after the blisters are gone?

And another complication; I am married but have had no sex with my wife for almost years because she has a psychological problem. What do I tell her? Is there any bengin/normal cause of infection other than sex?

0 likes, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • mandyhappygolucky
    mandyhappygolucky adam85623

    Posted

    I couldn't help but reply to this...you really think people on here will help you get out of the situation you are in when its obvious you will lie to your wife when she is already ill, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself, people like you p*ss me off, theres only really thrush which is benign and not always caught through sex so I hope your wife knows that and knows what kind of man you really are.
    • adam85623
      adam85623 mandyhappygolucky

      Posted

      Why are you so judgemental when you don't know the details of the story? I didn't mean she is "ill", I mean she had psychological problems since she was a child and I only found out after marriage that she is not capable of having sex. And I kept trying to find ways for many years, instead of taking the easy exit out of the marriage, as most men would have done. And then because of one slip from my side, now I am completely evil! Well, thanks for your advice and understanding anyway.
    • toni24814
      toni24814 mandyhappygolucky

      Posted

      I don't like your tone. This forum is not a forum to judge anyone.

      You don't know the gentleman's story. In fact, you don't know anything thing about him other than what he's posted on here.

      If you can't be supportive, it's better you keep your angry thoughts to yourself. As to the situation with his wife, he should decide what's best for him.

  • toni24814
    toni24814 adam85623

    Posted

    Hi, you should see another doctor. Ask him to run blood tests specifically to find out if you've got Herpes antibodies in your system.

    I'm not too surprised your sexual partners denied having Herpes. Most people lie about their sexual history.

     

  • mandyhappygolucky
    mandyhappygolucky adam85623

    Posted

    To quote "What do I tell her? Is there any bengin/normal cause of infection other than sex?" to me says you are going to try and hide what you have caught if you have caught something, to women who have partners who have caught herpes and passed it on and tried to hide it, this post is insulting, to me it is anyway so yes i am judging its my opinion, it angers me to be honest, and usually one slip means sex with one person but 2 people in 2-3 weeks, is that one slip?

    Sorry but I have all the time in the world for people struggling with this virus, whether its from one mistake or caught innocently but married men who appear to try and blame it on benign things apart from sex says something different to me.

     

    And Toni I don't care what you think, people are sometimes judged on this forum, for example when people come on here and say they have the virus and willingly had sex with a new person without having the talk/informing the new person of the risk of catching the virus, they get judged, I don't stick my oar in then but this post annoyed me, I have a right to my opinion and if you don't like it lump it.

    • toni24814
      toni24814 mandyhappygolucky

      Posted

      You are living in a vacuum. The world is not as black and white as you're trying to make it out to be. So yes, the gentleman on here is married. And yes it appears from his posting that he had an extramarital affair. But that's still no reason to go shooting off your mouth, simply because we are all human in this mess together.

      And you being angry at him and others on this forum is not going to make your condition go away. As it is, you had just as much responsibility/blame to shoulder, since you chose not to insist on your partner wearing condoms before every sexual encounter. Health websites tell us the only way to avoid getting an std is to not have sex. period. You made the choice to have sex. You made the choice to have your partner not wear condoms with you. Isht happens and people make bad judgement calls, but it doesn't mean the world comes to a grinding halt because of our bad calls.

      I think from reading adam85623's postings that he is already beating himself up about his actions. No need to crucify the gentleman twice.

      Cheers.

  • mandyhappygolucky
    mandyhappygolucky adam85623

    Posted

    Really Toni? I think your being presumptuous, herpes can still be passed on with or without wearing a condom, I'm not the only person to catch this in a place that a condom would not cover, and as for not having sex I surmise you stick to that plan too and thats why you are on this forum for people with herpes? Don't preach to me about not having sex and wearing condoms Ive been with the same man for 11 years, are you just on this forum as a random person who likes to talk about sti's or as a sufferer?

    Yes I don't know the whole story and I may be presumptuous too but like I said I am entitled to my opinion and he had it, hes married, having sex with other people and trying to hide his actions and no I don't detect any remorse in his words at all, the most reasonable thing to do in his position is get a culture swab as blood tests will not show the virus up yet, and tell the truth to his wife, why hide it in the first place if she can't have sex I'm sure she would understand, its the fact that he wanted to hide it that annoyed me.

     

    • toni24814
      toni24814 mandyhappygolucky

      Posted

      Mandy your last sentence about getting a culture swab would have been the perfect advice to Adam without all of this needless ranting...Take a deep breath and calm all the way down.
    • adam85623
      adam85623 toni24814

      Posted

      I do feel enormous regret. Despite being in abscintence for several years, my actions were not the right ones, simply because I wouldn't have beenin my wife's place. I should have decided either to get a divorce and have a 'normal' sex life in a new marriage or keep in abscintence for the rest of my sexually active life.

      And despite all of this, I do love my wife and I just wanted to fulfil a big missing part of my marriage without losing my wife and destroying her life by leaving her because no one else would want her with her problem.

      Anyway, I really don't want to lose my wife, and she would not accept what I did despite her problem. So I really need an acceptable reason how I caught this virus. Can it happen with massage, other non sexual transmission? 

    • r35506
      r35506 adam85623

      Posted

      Herpes is a 'sexually transmitted disease'. As in. It is transmitted sexually. The virus doesn't live outside the body. 

      My advice would be to be honest with your wife. What you did was wrong and you now have to deal with the consequences of your actions and hopefully she will accept that. 

      If she has been honest with you all these years and you have been understanding with her then you must be honest with her now and hopefully she will understand.

      On the other hand. If you don't have sex then why the big deal. Why would she ever find out you have herpes ? 

      None of what you write makes sense and therefore I do not think that everything you say is the truth. 

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