Do I need to take diazepam?

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Right here I go!. I was addicted to diazepam and abused it for about 4 years. I went cold turkey in September 2015 stopped them all together. It's August 2016 now and my confidence is still zero! Anyways when I wad taking diazepam I was brilliant I got things done my I worked really well I managed my own company I saved 1000s of pounds I was really living the dream very confident in speaking to people managing money nothing was stopping me. I just can't build my self up no more I'm trying everything I'm constantly at low I lost weight because I don't train any more I eat rubbish food. Iv feel iv let my self go. Iv lost 2 jobs. Iv tried taking anti depressants they made me worse for 2 months. I found out i losing my job again 3 weeks ago so I took a diazepam to calm me down. Some how my confidence is back my boss is happy with me iv got another company on my back with better pay. I'm getting things done and I'm happiest iv ever been again!. Last September me and my ex girlfriend broke up. I stopped taking diazepam the moment we broke up because I thought that and working to many hours wad the reason we split! But it wasn't the diazepam reason why we split because that never got mentioned it was the fact I was over working!. I hope people don't think I'm using this as a way to make me think it's alright to take diazepam or trying to use it as a reason to take diazepam! I'm not prescribed diazepam I gets prescription ones off a mate. I take 5 mg once in 2-3 days! If they making me feel worth waking up for and helping me stop thinking that if anything else goes wrong in my life I'm going to kill my self don't u think I should be prescribed them? Was the whole reason I was taking them before the reason I was feeling so great? Iv tried everything to build my confidence up. I'm with a new girl now and iv felt a bit of a failure because she seen the house iv lived in she's seen the car I used to own and now I'm back with my parents. I seen a doctor and I couldn't really tell them how I was feeling because it was hard to with out diazepam. I need to go to dentist I was to scared. But now iv got the number and ready to book appointment Monday. Wouldn't have wanted to go if it wasn't for the diazepam? Do u think I need diazepam? I think I do even if it's 2mg I need something. This is me. I'm sick to death mopping around not feeling with it. Can't speak to people I used to. Making excuses not to go places. I'm best man at my mates wedding on 21st Iv been dreading it but since diazepam iv been looking forward to it. Can anyone else see this? Diazepam helps me? Do you think the doctor would believe me if I said this to them? Anyone else with a similar problem? Thank you in advance

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21 Replies

  • Posted

    I don't think you are taking too much. If it escalates, maybe a problem. Are you depressed? I took prozac 10 years ago, and it worked.. can't tolorate the side effects anymore, so I switched to escitalopram 10 ml (Seroplex, lexapro) and it leveled me out. I still take valium if i'm in a stressful situation, but not much. I hope you have an understanding GP, one that you have had an ongoing relationship. Depression is underestimated. GPs need to take this very seriously- having the need for valium to get through the day is , to me, a sign of depression.

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    • Posted

      With respect, I believe that an occasional dose of diazepam does not seem to me to be a sign of depression. It's the addict talking, saying TAKE THIS and you'll feel better.

      I'm not trying to disrespect your viewpoint. I just don't agree with you!

      Markfirefly has not mentioned depression. Just a need for a little diazepam to get him through stressful situations.

      Love Tess xx

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    • Posted

      Hey, that's OK. We all have our own experiences, pretty much negative, I'm just sharing mine- I'm not a doc or psycologist, but its a need to relax in social and work situations. If you have the one in a thousand antidepressants that works for you, great. It has been life changing for me, I needed to try many.

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    • Posted

      Yes Depression is underestimated and unless one suffers themselves

      they havent a clue. I was diagnosed as being clinically depressed.

      I also found out that my Vitamin D level was low. I started taking Vit D 3 tablets and the difference in how I feel . I feel so much better.

      Lack of Vit D can cause depression.

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  • Posted

    I do think you need them.

    I was a serious addict to benzos for forty years and sought help in January.

    I am slowly coming off them and it's challenging. How you did it cold turkey fills me with horror!!!!

    My specialist addiction doctor wants me down to ten mg daily, then he says I will need to stay on them for the rest of my life. I'm currently on 18mg daily and struggling.

    It's only the thought of the 10mg daily for life that keeps me going.

    Others will disagree with my opinion but if you derive benefit froma small dose now and again I can't see a problem. Just be careful you don't gradually increase it and get back where you started!

    Good wishes to you.

    Love Tess xx

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    • Posted

      I think ypu know my views regarding Diazepam. And I hope you are aware at what harm Diazepam and any other benzo can do to

      people long term.

      I was somewhat lucky that I was only on mine for a few years. Even

      this was long enough. Never ever gain will I take one.

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    • Posted

      I do know, Tootsie, and am always glad of your input.

      I believe that if i know I can have 10mg daily it will stop me going to online drug sites, which are dangerous, expensive and lead you back where you started.

      But I certainly accept your viewpoint.

      love Tess

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  • Posted

    HI markfirefly....I cold be reading my own story here...apart from suffering depression. Thankfully  have not had to cope with that on a clinical level.     Diazepam do their job don't they.  The warnings are for real though, sadly.  I have been using this drug for more years than I care to remember...for the last two,or three years I use a miniscule dose daily (1mg)  but without them I go into a non coping mode.  This could be considered a placebo,however, my body is used to it. It doesn't help anything now really,  except the pain it causes when it's not present!   No amount of counselling, holistic and self care, Mindfulness practice and a host of other no  medicine related ways can actually cause me to get through stressful, angst, or anxiety related issues...or the discomfort in my body when it's not there.   I don't know what your age is but do talk to your GP about your past use of this drug and ask that he monitor your usage of it by his/her sensible and responsible prescribing.  It is not a brilliant idea to get to my age and realise that your body actually is so used to this drug that it has become part of its normal functioning process.  Just be wary of it.  It can be a sheep in the proverbial wolf's clothing! 

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  • Posted

    Think you must be worried or anxious as you wouldn't have written such a heart-felt post. You must take control of your life yourself, by all means read our advice, but you decide the future yourself. First of all are you telling the truth about your usage because you really aren't taking that much. 2mg only when you need it is something I'm sure your doctor would understand, go see him and have an honest heart to heart.

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  • Posted

    Sorry for late reply. Yes I do suffer with depression. My girlfriend seems to help with that because I feel I have someone. If it wasn't for her I'd lose the will to live. I constantly think about ending everything. Believe it or not I do security and act as a support worker for homeless people and and people with drug problems! For about 6 years I was taking 15-25 diazepam a day and got to the point they didn't touch me. I broke up with my ex last September and I put a stop to it all then. Didn't have no help I didn't ween my self off I just stopped completely. I know that's stupid because I read you could die. 2 months was worse of my life 1st 2 weeks of the redraws I was shaking. Cold sweats jumping everything u can think of. Couldn't eat. You'd think that that's the time I would have needed valium the most but when my mind is set it's set! I didn't touch valium for about 4-5 months. I took them when I was really low low as the point I was ready to end. This is not a cry for help. Iv never asked for help with my addiction. No body knew I took valium I hide my addiction well. I worked like a horse I was on top of the world. I didnt slur I didn't stumble. I was up for having the supervisor job. I even run my own business. Last couple of weeks I started having bad news even tho I'm at a low and question everything I do watch everything I say I goes red in the face when I speak to people. I took diazepam because I was going to loss my job now I'm on top of the world again and boss is pleased how iv managed stuff like suspected rape people self harming theft and everything my jobs about. Iv got this new company offering me to work for them with better money. I want help from the doctor even if they just prescribe me 2mg a day. I know how easy it is to use more I know how easy I can stop them. I don't want to take them but if they make me feel like this I have no choice!! Iv tried living with out them for nearly a year and iv lost my self I feel I don't know who I am. Feels like I got to rebuild a new me and it's hard?

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  • Posted

    2mary. I am being truthful love. 15-25 I used to take a day. That's blue 10mg tabs. I used to abuse them my body so used to them it wouldn't effect me wouldn't even make me feel tired I could work fully functional. Because I worked night shifts I used to pop them like smarties. Sounds abit bizarre I know! But the feeling I have when I wake up after sleep I'd be dancing about and loving life. Be singing dancing. I never used to mong out. I used to train in them aswell and I was in good shape. I probably got the strangest body ever to the effect they had on me. Not many people would be able to train and work on the amount I'd use to take my body basically run on them. My appetite used to be spot on. I used to have bad anger problems with them but I'd use that in the gym. I lost 3 and half stone giving them up after splitting with my ex girlfriend. Anyway what im asking is. Do you think the doctor could at least prescribe me 2 mg? Just to curb the sh*tty feeling? I have no problem stopping them

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  • Posted

    You really need to explore antidepressants. It took many different tries before I found the fit. Seroplex levels you out, it does not make you high, and you never have to escalate the dose (that's been my experience, anyway). I take it at night so I dont feel the negative stuff while I'm awake and functioning. I don't cry anymore! You will know when you have reached a point in your life that you don't need them anymore. I think since you were able to go off valium without withdrawal is a sign that you are not physically addicted, but mentally addicted. You need to realize that you can be the same charming person with or without it. Believe me, when I've had to go long stretches without alcohol or something that makes me relax in a social situation, I did it. Did I crave? Of course. But I realized I was the same person. It's a lifelong struggle.

    You can do it! Antidepressants might have a bad rap, but if the fit is good, it can keep your life on track.

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    • Posted

      Antidepressants can also cause long term problems. They are the solution to ones problems. They will not stop what is happening in ones life. I was told that I was clinically depressed and was put on anti depressants. Did they help. Simple answer is NO. They  made me feel nothing. I was also diagnosed with low vitamin D and this causes depression. Since taking Vit D 3 tablets . I have felt so much better.

      I do wonder how many different antidepressants one must try before one gets the right one. Just my humble opinion by the way.

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    • Posted

      Yeah, I hear you. But for some people it can be life changing. This man is very depressed, and doesn't feel he can do his job without diazapam. What would you suggest? His life is on the line. When I was younger, Prozac worked well. Now that I'm older, I can't tolorate it. Yes I had to try many before I found one I liked. I did not suggest he go on line, but to see his GP. Vit D worked for you, I'm happy that it did.

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    • Posted

      Thanks everyone. Feels like everytime I try explaining something on here someone seems to find something that I havnt mentioned or pick on something.. I'm not asking for diazepam so I can go on the sick or anything. I'm basically asking if people think I'm better off taking the mm yes I know I abused them. But iv learnt how my body handles them. I'm not sleepy I'm more alert more talkative more active I can get things done my I wakes up like a spring chicken. When I'm off them I lack in concentration confidence. Motivation. I do t take them for the high anymore I take them to feel normal. It's like iv got two personalities. When I'm on then I'm confident, cocky, talkative, funny. When I'm not I feel luke a lost soul with nothing to live for. I can archive more in 1 week on them than I can off them? Doctor give me 50mg of antidepressants and I did really give them a go but I'm sure they were way to strong. I felt I was in bubble for the whole time so I took them before bed. They wasn't for me. I tried talking to the doctor but I would have need a double slot lol. I will make another visit but I know they will never prescribe me diazepam because I told them my addiction before. I have no problem coming off them with is more than I can say for anyone. I do have a lot of will power I split up with my ex of 7 years and you think that's when I needed them the most but that's the time I decided to stop them is the day we broke up. Now if that ain't will power I don't know what is. I avoided her for 11 months I have not seen her because I'm ashamed of how much I have changed since stopping diazepam. I'm a completely different person from looks, lifestyle, confidence. She probably wouldn't recognise me so the 11 months iv been off them for the 6-7 year addiction iv tried them again and I feel epic. Lost 2 jobs in the space of 11 months of stopping them and was on the verge of losing a 3rd till I popped my friendly little blue teva diazepam. So thank you diazepam. Can anyone relate to this? I know people trying to give them up but honestly if you going to just stop them all together luke I did. It does make u feel like you close to death and you ain't in a very good place. I stayed down my mates for 2 weeks to go cold turkey. Wasn't nice for him to see me like that but he is a diamond and put up with me. I smoked cannabis down there I smoked alot of it. But it was worth it. So I can honestly say I have killed my addiction but I can see why I was addicted it wasn't for the high it was for me to live

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    • Posted

      Do you know what long term taking Diazepam does to ones mind. I do.

      I was a victim of benzos and how I am still here I really dont know.

      One needs to change ones life style. I have to sort my life out. No one else

      was going to change it.

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    • Posted

      My question is what happens when you become tolerant at the dose that

      you are on. Do you keep taking more.

      I became tolerant to my benzo and I knew that I had to come off them.

      I am a memeber of a online forum. I have read what harm benzos can/have done to people. You maybe one of the lucky ones that can get away with taking them and stopping them. Who knows.

      I also know what long term memory issues that they can do to people.

       

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    • Posted

      Yes iv had the memory when I give them up I didn't know I was it was like a different person when I lookback I didn't know who I was. But they were abused. I know the difference between abusing them and taking them when I need them. I took 1 couple days ago I havnt felt the need to take any more and I don't think il take another 1 any time soon. Next will probably be the day before my mates wedding when I gotta give a speech and then it would be a broken half of a 10mg I think il just drop one when I know it's going to be a bad week. Tootsie how old are you may I ask? I'm 28. I know what damage they do because I never needed diazepam I just took them for the high then just started taking them because they were there! I used to have 1000s of them. Prescription. Pots of msgs and strips from India and sh*t. Iv tried them all and abused them I'd never do that again. And yes maybe I am the lucky 1. I don't know anyone who could just end them like I did specially what I went through doing the break up. I can remember not eating for months. Dunno how I still here. Worst time of my life when I was going through cold turkey it felt it was never going to end and when u avoid people because you know you wouldn't be able to talk to them also j9t having anyone to talk to and know one knew what I was going through and losing the jobs on top was a nightmare. Through cold turkey I was like having flash backs of the way I wad on them and I was a little crazy on them. They are highly addictive I admit. There times it felt I forgot how to walk felt like I was reborn if you know what I mean? Felt I had to start over again start a new personality because they took everything away from me when I stopped

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    • Posted

      stick in there. Everyone feels more relaxed, funnier + social on valium, like alcohol. Very dificult. Maybe some people on this forum disagree with me, I don't care.. Live my life and then tell me how to direct it. We all have different experiences, but I can definately relate to Mark. Ever seen the Friends episode, "fun Bobby"? I was fun Bobby....

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