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What came first the symptoms or research on WebMD?
Do you know when your looking at possible problems and you are so desperate to find answers that you think you have all the symptoms that are listed and you end up thinking that you have something that will kill you tomorrow? Obviously this is slightly exaggerated but hopefully you get the idea.
((So this is probably just screaming attention seeking and all that behaviour that people percieve falsely. "Why would someone be so insensitive to almost mock those who do genuinley have that?" But is it intentional, is it unconsiously or is it even done at all? For example when most people harm themselves and don't hide it, is this with the intention of screaming out for help? Or is it just unthought about and purely impulsive? I don't understand but I do want to try to.))
So is it that people accentuate their symptoms to finally have an answer or to feel like they fit the list the doctor has infront of them? Maybe people do acctually want something wrong with them, for a number of different reasons? I honestly do not know.
I often worry that this is the case for me, eventhough I have tried to hide everything from anyone I care about until actually this week. I was terrified that someone would find out and judge me or change how they behave towards me, that I would go to extremes to hide anything I didn't see as the normal behavour. This included all the episodes of depression where I would end up pushing away the people who I thought might find out. Which clearly didnt help the situation.
However recently I did talk to one person who has know the past three years of what I've been going through and she tried to reasure me that I'm not attention seeking, that I was being very honest to myself and everyone else. She also made the point that by looking at symptoms, I might have not even realated to it, I might have finally noticed them in myself. But how can she be sure if I'm not even sure myself? Of course this begs the question are the symptoms even real, coul they all just made up in my head?
I know this is silly but I just feel that honesty when its annoymous is so much easier. Even if these discussions are like a personal blog to just write the random things I think about and even if it is only me then atleast I can know that.
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