Do You Meditate?

I love that expression: "Wearing your shoulders as earrings"!!  yes!  That's it!  And the clenched jaw!  That's me, too!  And honestly, I think I forget to breathe for long periods of time!

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough year.  If it's anything you'd like to talk about, I'm happy to listen.  You can message me privately by clicking the envelope beneath my username.  

Yes....MD is indeed a "personal earthquake" and the world never feels quite the same.  I'm not sure if it was the MD that has aged me so quickly, or if it was turning 60.  Probably the combination...But what a huge difference in my quality of life these days.

I hope you're feeling better. My recoveries have always been gradual...changes so subtle I barely noticed until a certain tipping point.  I've never been one who was blessed with "Aha moments", where everything suddenly gets better!  So, I'm wishing you a bunch of "Aha moments"!!

Take good care,

J

Hi J

Thanks for the offer of a listening ear.  I should not complain  about my life on this site, especially as I don't even have MD myself but it's been difficult with all of my friend's different illnesses, and I have my own health problems too.

I have a foot problem that makes things very tiring and makes my legs and hips sore because it unbalances me a bit. I have made that worse by gaining weight back.

It might not sound like much but I have lost my sense of smell and taste most of the time because of my rhinitis, and my operation was cancelled. It's depressing and alienating not to smell the wonderful scents of nature and food,  and not to taste food.

The operation was a special one that is only done in one hospital here and my local NHS clinical commissioning group won’t pay for it.  I could probably get a normal polypectomy but the polyps usually come back after it whereas the other one had an excellent rate of success and would have protected the olfactory organ better. My sense of smell/taste is still intact under it all.

Since her MD started I have never really relaxed and even though it's been months since an attack it's at the back of my mind all the time. It’s always there.

I expect it is with everyone on this site and their families?

We are going to combine our households and move away from London to somewhere with cleaner air and a quieter way of life. She is looking forward to it  -  I am in two minds but I think she needs this. We have a place and now I have 4 weeks to sort out 2 homes to move over a hundred miles away with no car and no one to help. Each time I go there it's 4 hours each way on public transport. It's been hot here and I wilt at anything about 18C.

Then several days ago she had her first attack in months.

She was so upset -  she cried because she really thought it had gone forever.

Vertigo ,vomiting, tinnitus  -  the usual suspects.  Then another one today,  but much milder. And she developed a sudden tooth abscess between the 2 attacks so that involved dentist appointment. Things are not going well with the move and my time is being taken up with all this other stuff.

She always thought stress was her biggest trigger for MD and moving is stressful, even when you want it.

I am going a little crazy with it all. Mostly I just want it all to go away, pull the covers over my head and sleep for a month.

That's it  -  my one and only (long) rant.  I won't do it again.  This site is not about me. But thank you for listening.

My Lord, Misti....you have every right to have a good rant!!   I had no idea that you had so much going on!  And as far as this forum goes...it's yours as much as anyone else's.  You may not have MD yourself, but someone close to you has MD, and you've contributed SO much to the forum.....You're definitely a full-fledged member!

I can understand your being on "high alert" with regard to your friend's attacks.  I think we all feel the same way, as do our family members.  You try not to think about it, but that wariness....that undercurrent of anxiety about it, never goes away.  

I have tremendous empathy for you having to deal with foot problems.  Last December I broke my foot And just yesterday morning, I dropped a huge flashlight on my toe.  Today I went for an X-ray and found out that it was fractured.  Sigh.  When your feet hurt, life isn't good.   And I know exactly what you mean:  When you change your gait to accommodate the bad foot, it brings on a lot of hip pain.  I'm so sorry you're going through all of this!!  

And the nasal polyps!  It breaks my heart to hear that you've lost your sense of taste and smell.  Of course you would feel depressed and alienated!  The senses of smell and taste are so basic to our enjoyment of life.  Misti, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this.  And to have your surgery cancelled — that's horrible!  Can you appeal the decision?  I've had to appeal when my insurance company has denied certain services...I'm wondering if that's an option with the NHS?  

And to be getting ready to move, on top of all of these other issues?  That really frosts the cake!  For me, there are few things more stressful than moving.  How in the world are you cleaning out and packing up 2 homes all by yourself??  And that 4 hour commute sounds grueling.  Sigh.  Misti, you have got to give yourself a great big dose of compassion.  I don't blame you one bit for wanting to pull the covers over your head and sleep for a month.  You're going through so much right now.  I think you should make a promise to yourself that once you settle into your new home, that you won't get out of bed before noon for at least a month!  

Where will you be moving to?  Will it be out in the country?  The idea of fresh air and a quieter life, sounds like Heaven to me.  (But that wouldn't make the move any less stressful!)  I hope and pray that it will ultimately help both of you to reduce your stress levels and improve your physical health. But in the meantime, we've got to figure out some ways to make this easier on you. 

I can't say that I'm completely surprised to hear that your friend had an attack with all of this stuff going on.  If stress is a prime trigger for her, it sounds like this is the perfect storm — Poor thing.  BOTH of you are poor things!!  I wish I could say or do something that would be of help.  

Wow, Milady.....you've got a LOT going on.  I can't imagine your NOT being exhausted at this point.  And you have every right to be depressed, stressed out and cranky!    I'm so glad you told me about it.  If you were down the street, I'd hobble down and help you!  But since I'm so far away, I can only listen and send you my truest empathy and support.  

I confess that I'm not a very good housekeeper...In fact, over time I've become "organizationally challenged" in a big way.  But when I have to do housework, it's music that gets me through it.   The last time I moved, that's what enabled me to get through all of those agonizing decisions about what to keep and what to get rid of.  I played all of my favorite music while I flung away the clutter and packed the important stuff. Listening to good music ratchets down my stress level and gives me the courage to do what I've got to do.  Do you think music would help you? I'm thinking about your response to Eddie Vedder's voice, and I could identify with how calming it was for you.  That's one thought.  If I come up with any other practical advice, I'll let you know.  But most of all, I want you to know that I care, and that you have my sympathy and support.

Please take good care of yourself and never, ever think this isn't a legitimate place for you to complain! MD takes its toll on friends and family, as much as the patients themselves.  I appreciate your support over all of these many months, and I am happy to finally be able to offer some to you.  

Take good care.  I'll be thinking of you. 

J-

Hi J

Thanks for good wishes and sympathy  -  it does help. We were so hoping that my friend would not have another attack but perhaps it will go away again when we have moved and all is more settled.

Trouble is, part of my little London soul doesn't really want to go.  What are my lungs going to do with all that clean air that you can't see?  Who could trust stuff like that.....

I am going to try sending some links about meditation in a private message  -  not sure if I have the hang of that yet. Do we both need it turned on?

The first link is a jokey guided meditation.  It's very funny and very rude with a lot of swearing, so if that will offend you maybe best you delete it. But it made me laugh and when I actually listened properly it was oddly soothing too.

I will see if that goes ok before trying to send some other links which may interest you.

Hope you ok?  Keep in touch   -  Misti

Your private messages came through beautifully.....I hope my responses came through on your end, as well.    That meditation link was hysterical!! LOL!!!!!

Take good care....

J-

Your private messages came through just fine. I'm glad you enjoyed the "meditation" - it makes me laugh every time I listen to it.

At the moment I am seeing removal company assessors to see how much the move is going to cost us. I have been de-cluttering like crazy in advance of all this so hopefully it won't cost an arm and a leg ( do you use that phrase in the states?)

I will reply to your private messages later when I have a bit more time but I wanted to say how sorry I am that you  fractured your foot.  You are always in the wars these days!

Forgive me if I am not prompt in replies for a while.

If anyone wants the link to the link and is not upset by bad language, let me know and I will private message you.

i'm not sure!  It it sounds like it must be self-hypnosis, but it mustn't be if it doesn't require visualization.  I will check out the  YouTube videos in the morning.  I'm totally wiped out!  Time for bed!  Thank so much for the tip!

Take good care,

j-

Sorry you so tired  -  pain from foot and shoulder?  I hope MD isn't worse again.

With the autogenic training, you are basically repeating phrases to yourself , trying to induce feelings of heaviness, warmth and comfort /relaxation in your body, one part at a time.

It's words and feelings, not visualisation as such.

Thanks Misti!  No....MD is stable, thank God.  I'm just exhausted I think, from shoulder pain and the foot..... But today I feel a real difference in my shoulder ...so I'm optimistic!  (Thank you, steroids!)

 I know you have your hands full!  I hope all is going well with preparations for the move!

Take good care...

J-

Oh!  I have to tell you....I couldn't stop giggling during the autogenic training video....All I could think of was the one you referred me to to the other day..."Breath in strength....breathe out bull....".  LOL!!  😂 Now they're all striking my funny bone!  

Will try again when I can be more receptive!!  LOL!

J-

I know!  As I typed the post to you I was thinking she is going to start giggling isn't she....

It was such a great parody that it's hard to get his voice out of your head. Oddly enough  I actually find it kind of calming as well as funny, that someone is recognising the "three ring s*** show"  that is currently my life and allowing me be annoyed about it.  Then I let it go. "breathe out b******".

Plus a good laugh is wonderful for the soul...

I just ruined you for every meditation on the planet didn't I.

Yes!  You did!  LOL! 😂. But you know what?  It was worth it! The "3 ring S## Show" is soooo much more fitting with my life!  And as you suggested, laughter is so ####'ing good for the soul!! LOL!  

I have to say that I find it calming as well...Perhaps because it's not asking me to aspire to some higher state of being that in all reality, I don't have the energy to even try to achieve!  And he does have that classically soothing meditation-guide voice!  LOL!

Coming across that one was a gift, Misti!!  Just so funny....

J-