Doctors say I have depression, but I don' think so. Can anyone help me understand what condition I have?
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I am a 31 year old female, who has suffered for many years with a condition I cannot understand, and that many doctors I have seen say is depression. Although I don't agree with them.
As a child my father would talk to me about his diabetes, he had many stories about food and was quite negative which I believe effected my attitude towards food at that young age of 11. This is when i started to get anorexia, although i never forced myself to be sick or vomit. It got much worse by 13 years old and then finally I recovered from anorexia at around 14 years old after being in hospital. I was told my brain had shrunk by the doctors which scared me a lot and helped me to recover. The doctors finally told me I was free from anorexia after that.
Since then up until now at 31 I have been trying very hard to have a normal life. So growing up and going to school and work etc I managed to do it, although for me it was very difficult, as I was always so tired with very little energy. My family thought I was okay because I was managing to do normal things like everyone else, but in truth it was so difficult for me. So occasionally, once every two years, for about 6 months i cant manage to lead a regular life. At these times i spend most of my time in bed, eating normally, but not really going outside or socialising. I've tried but it makes me too tired and after I get home I feel horrible and cant get my energy back. (My doctors have said that I get so tired at these times because I am so scared of social interactions and have depression, but I am certain that they are 100% wrong about this.) I am a very social person when I am in a phase of being able to work etc. I like to meet people and talk to them, I enjoy travelling , backpacking and also I work in a bar, serving customers. So I do not suffer from social anxiety as they suggest.
I feel like i am stuck in a cycle of working hard like regular people at the bar, for some months, but eventually I get very tired and work becomes too difficult for me, forcing me to quit.
Then i enter the stage where I stay at home in bed all day and eating normally. Weighing about 50 kilograms, but I am so tired and with no energy at these times. Eventually the cycle begins again and I can go outside,be social and work again eventually, but I always get to a point where during that time of working hard I have to leave again. I cannot break this cycle , but it is preventing me from having a regular life. The doctors don't seem to be able to tell me what is causing this. They say it is depression , but I really don't think it is.
I hope that someone out there can make sense of this and help me understand what could be causing this.
Thank you for reading. I hope to hear from you guys.
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