Dodging Responsibility
Posted , 6 users are following.
Maybe doding responsiblity is part of the alcoholic personality?
I have an early appointment today...I am very unhappy about this...and it started me to thinking...that my whole life....although I have been really responsible...
held a job from the age of 15
own a home
had children
take care of others
even thou I was able to mantain all of the above responsibility it does not mean I enjoyed it.
I remember having my first child and unlike others (being extremely excited about it)....I felt "weighed" down...and when I think of that time period now...my drinking escalated.
I began drinking everyday after work...and I dreaded getting up every morning for work.
I know there are many conditions that are scientifically tied to alcoholism. Such as...depression, domestic abuse, personality disorders..etc.
I wonder if the resentment toward responsibility is another one of those traits. I wonder if anyone else here feels as strongly as I do against responsibility.
Yes, we all have to have a certain level of it...but I am now realizing I have always "resented" many of my responsibilties and I have always rewarded myself with a "job well done" with a drink.
0 likes, 7 replies
pistal666 Misssy2
Posted
I can certainly relate to that, I would use Drink to strengthen my abillity to take care of responsibilities and get things done (wrongly or rightly). With out the drink, I deffinatly felt more cautious about doing things and put them to one side, often leading to things getting out of hand. May be it's a confidence thing? When I was getting dry, I would hardly ever speak in group situations through the fear that anything out of my mouth may come out wrong or like jibber jabber. Having been dry for 18months now, I think I have found the confidence that I had whilst drinking, just a little less of acting like a nob (only a little bit mind).
Misssy2 pistal666
Posted
Confidence also comes into the situation for me too.
When I drink...I have total confidence....in myself and my abilities...actually when I was working...I found that most of my "creative", "mind-blowing" ideas would come at night when I was drinking.
I always was asked at work - How do you come up with such great ideas? Typically, I still have them without the drink...but not as many and I don't delve really deep into an idea and expand it as much as I did when I was drinking.
Now...I don't work...so no need to worry about that anymore.
But, when I was working I was really concerned that I would not have any more good ideas..as I was known for changing many systems and processes for the better...I thought I would become a failure.
By the way, congratulations on 18 months....that is great!
bex20678 Misssy2
Posted
I definitely relate to this too. Infact yet again Monday morning (now afternoon) and I'm self loathing and worrying about my behaviour yesterday. We had our youngest christened and a garden party turned into me consuming way too much and passing out on the sofa once all the guests had gone leaving my husband to clear up. I drink daily but often just 2 large G&T's or some wine (never the full bottle on a 'school' night) but enough. Ever since I had my first child and cancer (around the same time - just over 5 years ago now) I feel I've used alcohol as my crutch. My drinking has definitely got worse since having children and I use my drink at the end of the day as a reward. My tolerance is now so high it takes a lot for me to get 'drunk'. I still manage to work 2 days a week, keep my home clean and tidy, do all the chores and bring up my boys. My husband is very supportive and works a lot at home but he says I drink too much, as does my father, sister and mother. Every Monday I think right this week I'm going to not drink and I'll get to day 3 and give in and the vicious circle starts again. I function on every level but hate what I'm doing to myself and hate the fact my children see it as normal to drink daily (which it's not). I have thought about rehab but I am not dependent on alcohol (or at least I don't think I would withdraw without it as I can do 2/3 days a week and feel fine). That said my drinking is escalating and I want to stop it getting out of control before my 40th birthday next year. I cannot even imagine a party/night out without booze. Where do I start !? I try and justify my drinking with the fact I do a lot of exercise and think it's not so bad as I am fit and can run for miles... Anyway, it's good to off load on here and I'd welcome any advice or tips on how to get dry and learn to drink responsibly. Sadly for me I think I'll always be all or nothing so perhaps need to knock it on the head for good.
Misssy2 bex20678
Posted
hi there.
It sounds like you are in the right place where others will understand your drinking habits.
Awe..yes,,,passing out on a couch after guests leave a party because you drank too much.
Feeling guilty that hubby had to clean up alone.
Feeling guilty that the children are being negatively influenced by your drinking pattern.
I notice another theme here...GUILT is also a big part of alcoholism. I drink because I feel guilty...I feel guilty because I drink.
If you read around the forum...you will see methods used to either control drinking (Sinclair Method) or stop altogether (AA & or Campral).
For me it is Campral and an occassional AA meeting. Nothing is a SURE thing....it just depends on what way you want to go.
Total abstinence or controlled drinking.
I had a friend like you that exercised daily and I honestly didn't know HOW because she drank nightly. I was drinking nightly and could barely make it to work...but she would go to the gym either in the MORNING or at night after work.
She asked me one day...if I thought she was an alcoholic....and now years later...she doesn't have to ask me anymore
.
Keep coming!
bex20678 Misssy2
Posted
Thanks Missy2 - it's the guilt I cannot stand. The self loathing, lying in bed thinking, right tomorrow I'm going to 'stop' drinking. It never lasts for long and I do cringe when I think back to my behaviour (that is if I can even remember it). I went to see a private GP a couple of years back who prescribed me Nalmefene but it kept we awake all night and with a new baby I needed all the sleep I could get so I decided sheer willpower would sort me out and I did quit for about 2 weeks but had to avoid all social engagements and clear the house of booze. I still have the prescription but think it expired in July 2016, so wasn't sure if it'd still work. I am also too nervous to talk to my own GP about my drinking as feel ashamed, and worry I'll be judged and then worse case they start talking about 'social services'. Alcohol abuse is shameful and whilst my husband seems to think if I can do 2-3 days a week alcohol free then I'm 'ok' and can prove to myself I don't have a problem. I know though that when I do drink, I'll make up for the fact I had 2 or 3 days off. I went to an AA meeting once and that just scared me. I guess as I don't reach for the bottle first thing (or throughout the day unless a wedding etc) I think I don't have a problem but clearly I do as I wouldn't be on this site talking about it so much ! Is finding a good local counsellor any good? Or should I try the odd AA meeting again? I know everyone is different. What works for one may not work for another.
Misssy2 bex20678
Posted
I understand not wanting to tell your Dr...and although they should NOT judge us....some of them DO...and there is no way to tell which ones will and which ones won't....so....it is a risk to tell your Dr (I agree).
I had a Dr. that I trusted and I told him everything...and although he didn't treat me different..anytime my bloods were off...or I missed an appointment he would ask if I was drinking again....I have a Dr. now...that I LOVE and does not judge me or question me at all...
Who gave you the Nalmefene prescription previously? Wondering if you can ask them for it...and I know that there is another medication Naltraxone that maybe you would react better to...it's worth a shot.
Your husband (God love him) is not any help going along with the fact that you don't have a problem...I did LOL...when you said..."clearly I do as I wouldn't be on this site talking about it so much!".
Haha...it is not funny and I am not laughing at you....that just made me chuckle the way you wrote it.
Nothing will fix you....so trying AA again will not fix you.
For myself...I went to AA when I had no where else to turn....and nothing left to try to stay sober..but I was already sober and I was just struggling with staying that way.
AA did help me..and I stayed sober for 8 years.
But, I drank again and have been for the last 3 years (I currently am not drinking).
I chose not to drink at all.
Some use the medication you mentioned to "cut down" and eventually some of them stop drinking or lose the desire to drink as much.
Trying something is better than nothing.
I don't know about the UK...but maybe you don't have to tell your GP..I hear some people in the UK talking about "Alcohol services" maybe that is different and you can confide in someone in that facility to get new medication?
PS...by the way....I worked in a medical facility and I did some research and presented a project to my team.
- Expired medication does not always "expire" on the date that is mentioned. Actually, the Army and Navy I found in my research talked with the Federal Drug Administration about expired medication - they wanted the OK to keep some medication longer because they were throwing away a TON of money each time drugs expired.
This is how I learned...most ALL medicine does not "expire". With the exception of an antibiotic (which I forgot the name of...lol). All the others....can be used well past their expiration. The expiration is used to protect the company in regards to the effectiveness of the product. And the date comes from studies companies do to show that their "drug" will work without lessening in effect for a period of time.
It won't kill you to take expired medication...it may just not work as well...but expiration in 2016...highly unlikely any of its potency has been effected yet.
Best case...get a new prescription from someone.
pistal666 Misssy2
Posted
All area's will have a Drug and Alcohol service that have a contract from your local Council. They all have different names depending on where you live. You can refer yourself to. You should be able to find them with a quick google, or tell me your Area and I'll find out. They maybe P2R (pathway to recovery), Turning Point, or round here we have CGL (Change Grow Live), they have different names but the premise is the same. You sign a confidentiality agreement and they will only talk to people you want them to. No one if you desire. They talk to you about what you want to achieve and help you out in most aspects of life. They usually have a clinic/Dr that can pass out scripts if you need them. They do have groups although its nothing like AA. They helped me, and still are. It's funny how under represented they are in local communities.