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Does anybody else feel like they don't deserve help?

Posted , 7 users are following.

fee25
fee25

Don't get me wrong by the title, I think anybody suffering deserves help - every single one of you deserves and should get the maximum amount of help and support by friends, family and doctors as possible. But does anyone else just feel overwhelmingly that they do not deserve it? I am possibly stubborn but there is just no swaying in my mind that this is the case.

Maybe it stems from stubborness, they way I was brought up or the reasons as to why I am depressed but it's a feeling that I just can't shake and I'm curious as to how many others feel this way and if there is anything you did to overcome it? 

fee x

3 likes, 16 replies

16 Replies

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  • Dondons3
    Dondons3 fee25

    Posted

    I too feel I don't deserve help, or peoples kindness but also feel that maybe I can't be helped.

    So you're not alone x

    • fee25
      fee25 Dondons3

      Posted

      Hey Dondons, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this, although still sad to hear you feel this way rolleyes it is an extremely lonely and difficult place to be in x
  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox fee25

    Posted

    Fee,

    many people do, those that think they are wasting people's time, those that think that they are not worth people's time and those that think that they don't deserve help because they are punishing themselves. Took me 30 years to get help and at one time or another I used every one of those excuses. When I finally got help it was nearly to late and I mean by a matter of some 4 hours. So answer yourself this 1) are you ill? 2) if you are can you make yourself better? 3) what are you going to do?

    • fee25
      fee25 Davesoapbox

      Posted

      I think my feelings are down to the way I was brought up (I am of no importance, everyone else comes first) coupled with the trigger that caused my depression. I won't say my feelings will never change, I really wish they would and maybe one day they will. I'm glad you finally got the help you deserved/needed! It's a shame it took those thirty years to do so sad 
    • Davesoapbox
      Davesoapbox fee25

      Posted

      Fee,

      You are strong, you are wonderful, you are inspirational, you are beautiful and I know this because it is these qualities anxiety targets most, but you are still that person. A diamond spends its life surrounded by dirty coal but coal is soft, it takes time but a bit of work and you remove the coal to reveal the diamond. Polish up the rough edges and you have something priceless.

    • fee25
      fee25 Davesoapbox

      Posted

      Thank you for your kind words David, it means a lot smile anxiety and self doubt are deadly, that's for sure. I am getting help, it just keeps being prolonged, which is making things a bit more difficult - but, I'll get there!
    • Davesoapbox
      Davesoapbox fee25

      Posted

      Fee,

      By prolonged to you mean that your organised therapy keeps getting put off or that you are not making good progress? What help are you getting if you don't mind my asking?

      David

    • fee25
      fee25 Davesoapbox

      Posted

      Things have been difficult because of University, the reason for my depression is a little complex, it stems from an attack - for which I sought medical help and was given advice on where to turn to next but, I was so ashamed and full of self blame that I did not take this up. I have crippling anxiety regardless, so the only dr I am remotely comfortable enough to talk to is one from back home, up in Wales (far from where I am currently) but, I couldn't go home to see her because I was not signed on to the practice, I couldn't afford to get there, had so much work and generally couldn't leave my room. I signed on to the docs recently, and went to book my appointment to a similar time that I go back home officially (as I have finished uni) but the only dr I want to talk to is on holiday till the 22nd so, I was planning on getting help by this Monday but now it's a tad longer. I know I could speak to another dr and I'm sure they'd be great but, for my anxiety and the issue at hand I could only bring myself to see this one person! 

      It's fine and I am putting myself into this situation by being awkward and picky but, if I don't do it this way I know I won't do anything at all! It's just the waiting to kick things off. 

    • Davesoapbox
      Davesoapbox fee25

      Posted

      I know how you feel, sometimes we fixate on that one thing/person who becomes a part of our plan. In the mean time you have us to help you get through. If there is anything I can do for you, even if it is just a daily motivational post just let me know. Be strong, smile and remember how much more beautiful the world is with you in it 😃🙏
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 fee25

    Posted

    Hi fee,... everyone, but everyone deserves help...

    I was forced into it ( sectioned four times. ) but it truly saved my life....ask for help now...xxx

    I felt the same, I was a HOPELESS, depressed alcoholic...I got help, you can too, you certainly, certainly deserve to...see your doctor as soon as possible, that is what they are there for...I send you great, big, warm hugs...take care......Deirdre. xxx

    • fee25
      fee25 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Hi Deirdre, sorry to hear of your struggles sad I am glad you found help, even if it was through sectioning - which sounds terrifying, but helpful in the long run. 

      Thank you for your reply and kind words, it means a lot smile xxx

  • SkyeBeth
    SkyeBeth fee25

    Posted

    Fee, I've gone out and gotten help because my daughter deserves to have a happy, functioning Mother.  When I think about what I deserve, I go no, what does my daughter deserve.  It puts a completely different perspective on it.  Keep your chin up, I'm finding with medication and therapy it is still a long slog.
    • fee25
      fee25 SkyeBeth

      Posted

      Hey SkyeBeth, I'm glad that you have gone and found help, you deserve to be happy and as you say, your daughter deserves a happy, healthy mother smile it's definitely far from an easy decision to make, or even an easy process following seeking help - I can't say there is anyone else in my life that I would want to get help for, so I'll have to face facts and do it for myself. 
  • Melancholy
    Melancholy fee25

    Posted

    I've felt this way for a long, long time. (years) Giving birth has only made it worse, as I feel I deserve help even less after failing to be a mother. It's a sad truth, but a truth nonetheless. I wish I could say it got better for me, but I'm still waiting, myself... Don't give up hope, though. I still carry some with me, after all this time even if I'm not sure why myself. I believe it's a very common feeling for depressed people to have. I'm no good, I can't do anything, I don't deserve anything good and so on. 

    I was brought up in an enviroment where asking for help in general is considered a weakness of sorts, and you should just deal with your stuff alone. Also probably why it's so hard for me to accept I need / should have help.

    I suppose baby steps is the way. Maybe you could attempt to have someone for example carry your shopping bag? Maybe a list of possible things you think you just might be able to see where you deserve help. For example, an accident? Would you really not deserve an ambulance come to your aid? I know, an extreme example. I'm not very good with being sensitive. Ofc, lists are tedious, and it's difficult to put yourself into that position. I'm just brainstorming random things that I could see could help me if I had the tenacity to actually push myself to do them.

    Keep fighting!

    • fee25
      fee25 Melancholy

      Posted

      Hey Melancholy, our situations sound similar in regards to being brought up in an environment where asking for help was frowned upon greatly - and I think this does have a substantial effect on the situation. 

      I don't think my mindset will ever really change to be honest, I don't think I will ever happily believe I deserve any help but, maybe that doesn't matter so much in the end. 

      Good luck with everything! 

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