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Does anyone else feel like this?

Posted , 8 users are following.

emma50611
emma50611

Everything’s so hard right now. I cant focus or function properly. My mind is filled with negatitivity and that makes me really confused and unhappy. I dont see the beauty in things anymore.  Everything is darkness and I feel so alone. I cant even confide in the people I'm closest too. I feel like everyone is slipping away and im trapped. Trapped in this melancholy and nobody understands. Nobody understands me. I feel so hopless. I often find myself thinking ‘what’s the point of it all?’ I just don't understand it because everything is going for me. I go to a good school, I have mostly good relationships, I'm talented at the things I love and I'm most likely capable at achieving goals I set. So why do I feel this way? Distracting myself helps a bit: watching tv, reading a book, being with friends. But as soon as it's over im back to misery. Lonliness. Perpetual crying. I cant distract myself forever and i dont know what to do. And the worst is nobody knows. I put on a happy facade and no one suspects anything. If only they knew what lay underneath it all. I'm nearly 18. Is there anyone that can help me?

1 like, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • killerkid700
    killerkid700 emma50611

    Posted

    Hi Emma

    I know exactly how you feel

    I'm here for you if you need me :3

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 emma50611

    Posted

    Hi Emma

    You sound like you are really suffering with depression. Have you been to your doctor? Please make an appointment ASAP. You are only young and should get the help you need so you can get on and enjoy your life and studies. Make that your priority goal xx

    We are all here for you and I would love an update.

    Hugs and blessings to you xxx

  • hypercat
    hypercat emma50611

    Posted

    Hi I agree with Lorraine that you need to seek help from the doctor.   Or an alternative is can you make an appointment with the school counsellor to talk things over with?   You have to do something otherwise nothing will change.  Let us know how you get on please.  x
    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 hypercat

      Posted

      How are doing hypercat

      Where are you on our common journey? Hope things are improving for you?

      I didn't realise how many of us in this world suffer from this awful illness.

      Blessings to you

      Lorraine x

    • hypercat
      hypercat lorraine52317

      Posted

      Hi Lorraine thanks for caring enough to ask me that.   I don't really know the answer.   I am 61 and have suffered from depression now for around 50 years and it is so much part of my personality now that I can't separate the two as they are interwoven very much together.  

      I wasn't concerned with my depression when I was in my 20's in the sense of trying to cure it,  but was just worrying about finding a way to carry on and do the things I had to do,  like work.   Otherwise I would have had to end it.   I did sort of find a way by accepting it and realising I had to limit my life somewhat so I made sure I had a good work/life balance.   I couldn't follow any dreams because my mind was always blank and I knew they were out of reach anyway so I made sure I had a job I could do and was ok with it, then concentrated on building up my social life.  I took up a couple of hobbies I am passionate about and only worked so I could enjoy my time off.  

      I have had to forget any ideas of marriage and children as the stress would have killed me and I couldn't have dealt with that.    I never really wanted that anyway and there was no way I was ever going to rely on anyone except myself.   I have only ever had me to rely on and have become very protective of myself as a result.   Not one of my family ever cared enough to help or even to understand,  while friends have a bit.  

      I did have a couple of spells of counselling which helped quite a lot but the rest of it I did all by myself.   I always got bad flare ups from time to time but then my depression would return to it's normal manageable level.   I have had quite a lot of problems in work and relationships over my life but overcame them enough to have friends and keep most of my jobs.  

      I am 61 now and retired.  My attitude is I have made it so far and I am proud of myself as I never thought I would live past 30 ish.   I am comfortable with myself now and can face myself in the mirror.   I still have quite a few suicidal thoughts but probably won't act on them now as I am on the home run.   Part of me is pleased that I will be entering my twilight years soon and the other part is very sad that I missed out on so much in life and opportunities.   But at least I have had a life of sorts and this is much more than I could ever have imagined.  

      I don't know if anyone else can relate to this?    Maybe the older people can?  

      How about you Lorraine?  Where are you now?  x

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 hypercat

      Posted

      Bless you hypercat

      What amazing strength and perseverance you have. Just reading through your post made my heart ache for you. I cannot imagine continually having this illness it's so crippling. It sounds like you never really got any support and had to battle this illness mainly on your own. This makes me feel so sad for you as

      I only really now understand what depression can do to our bodies and souls.

      I'm 55 and until five months ago I thought depression was something that people mentioned when they felt a bit down in mood. Now I have had the full force of depression I know how horrific it is. I've been 4 months of antidepressants and have started to feel better but know I'm not quite there yet. Mornings are the worst!

      I really hope god will shine on you and give you some relief. You truly deserve it.

      How amazing you are to go through a lifetime of this and still help others

      God bless you

      I'm here anytime for you and I really mean that xxx

    • hypercat
      hypercat lorraine52317

      Posted

      Thanks Lorraine that's very kind of you.   I guess because I have never been any different makes it easier in some ways to live with it.  I am not forever harking back to a time I was happy and feeling regretful.   I can remember times in my early childhood when I was happy but I somehow learnt that being happy,  loud and extrovert wasn't acceptable and my natural high spirits were quashed,  not for good thankfully but never on a permanent basis.    Oh well,  that's life I guess - I was given lemons so made lemonade.   lol

      I think you are a lovely person  and have just seen yet another of your caring emphathic replies to someone trying to help them.   Bless you back love lol.    I hope your depression ends very soon and you get back to your normal self.   Take care.  Hugs  Bev xx

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 hypercat

      Posted

      Thank you and how really lucky we all are to have you on this site xx

      I seem to be going through a few fairly good days followed by a few not so good days! Hoping this is how the recovery process goes!

      You are a very wise (and witty) and definitely brighten up the day. How do you manage to cope is beyond me as one bout of depression has knocked me off my feet for months!

      I do believe some people are heaven sent. .... you are certainly one of them.

      Love to you

      Lorraine xx

    • hypercat
      hypercat lorraine52317

      Posted

      Cor Lorraine my heads getting so big now I won't find a hat to fit me smile  Humour is a good defence against adversity and has saved my life on a number of occasions....

      That is the beauty of a site like this,  we are all different and can bring our individual  experiences to try and help others.   You bring your empathy and caring and you do that a lot.   I have often seen and greatly admired your replies and wish I could have said that the way you did.    We are very lucky to have you here as well.   And I am not just saying that I really mean it.

      Take care Lorraine love and I hope you are feeling better very soon.  Lots of warm cuddly hugs  Bev xxx

       

  • stevo1975
    stevo1975 emma50611

    Posted

    Hi Emma, These things could be various issues anything from depression to being stressed out best thing is talk to someone who can help a doctor that will make you feel better just talking there are a number of treatment plans make sure you get something to improve the quality of life again smile
  • Thames
    Thames emma50611

    Posted

    Hi Emma, Im a dad and I have three daughters. My oldest daughter is 17. I have read your post and I hope you don't mind. You are not alone in how you are feeling. What you are describing is depression and it is great that you are able to talk about it. You feel that way because depression is an illness. I know this because I have it too. It can happen to anyone at any time in their life but there is great help available for you. I would like you to tell someone close to you how you are feeling so that they can support you. Your doctor is the first step because they know how to access all the help and support that is available. The thing is, the way you feel now is not going to be the way you will always feel. Being ill is only temporary but harming yourself can be permanent. Of course you are right to ask the questions you are asking. These are normal thoughts to have. Be kind to yourself and talk to a loved one about your feelings, it's good to share.

    Best wishes

  • sara1993
    sara1993 emma50611

    Posted

    That sounds like me, speacially the part about things being enjoyable temporary. I'd start something to also distract myself or stop my mind thinking about whether that thing is pointless but after a while the enjoyment banishes. Something I realised is that after, I feel even worst. I end up surrendering and thinking about not doing things that make me hapy because, whats the point?

    Putting a happy facade in my experience makes things worst because you no longer differenciate emotions and feelings, ending up in the vicious cycle. What I try to do now is show more my real or "natural" emotion or feeling in the moment but make sure to explain why I'm behaving that way so no one thinks it's about them. Some understand, others judge. You choose yourself and if that helps you keep it up until you feel more comfortable. 

    Hope you find your way and truly start enjoying things because no one deserves to feel that way about things they love doing.

  • emma50611
    emma50611

    Posted

    Hi everyone, it's me, Emma. 

    I want to thank you all for your kind messages (they really do mean a lot), for sharing your own personal stories, and for offering your advice. I now don't feel so alone about everything.

    I also want to say sorry for the delay in the reply (its been like a month now!) but I haven't exactly been in the right frame of mind lately to post anything, you know how it is.

    Anyway, things are looking up. After having another emotional break down, about  a week or so ago (this time at a halloween party), my friend came and calmed me down. We sat outside away from everyone and had a really long chat about everything. It felt so good to finally let it all out to someone who wouldn't judge me and someone who knew exactly how I was feeling. He told me about his own struggles with depression and how he got through it about a year ago. It was this chat that gave me the confidence to do one of the hardest things I've probably ever had to do. Then next morning I told my mum. I told her how hopless I was feeling and how I cry all the time and how unhappy I am at school etc. I could tell it was very hard for her to hear - her strong, capable, confident daughter is actually feeling pretty broken inside - but I'm glad I did tell her, because at the end of the day she is my mum and she will support me. Which is exactly what she did and is doing. We chatted for a while and decided that the best option would be to see my GP. I went the following week (last week) and it was semi-successful. After talking through my problems (somewhat briefly - which was annoying) the doctor said that she could perscribe medication to improve my mood but would like to take a blood test first (to rule out any other possible causes) and to try talking therapies. I've got the blood test tomorrow (eek...needle phobia) and am in the process of trying to find an appropriate talking therapy - hopefully something will be sorted soon. My school have also been informed which is good I guess - the teachers will sort of understand why my grades have been a bit wobbly lately and why I have missed a few lessons and such.

    So there... that is where I'm at now and I already feel a bit better about everything. Obviously things are still tough and I am still definitely not the smiley fun person I used to be; but the fact I now know I've got a whole bunch of people out there who care is a massive positive and also the fact that I know things can and will get better eventually.

    Thank you so much again all of you - I'll give another update sometime soonish x

    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 emma50611

      Posted

      Thats sounds great doll so glad you are feeling happier things will only improve from here matey keep positive xx
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