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I've always been a nervous person, worrying about everything. When I got my first fissure in my early 30s, I panicked. It was like my life was over. Of course I was overreacting, but that's what I do best. Convinced it was cancer, and with a doctor who is a bit reluctant, it took me almost a year to see a specialist. He prescribed an ointment and within a month I was healed.
The specialist asked a few questions about my family history. My dad had colon cancer at the time but because he was diagnosed at 85, the specialist didn't recommend a colonoscopy until I was 50 (I'm 41 now). He suggested I could do one at 40, but wasn't pushing it.
The last five years have been okay, but about a year ago, it started to flare after a horrible bowel movement. The second I see blood, my mind goes to worse case scenario. I'm convinced it's not a fissure, it's cancer, and I've had it all along and I'm going to die.
Bascially, I panic.
I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions for the last year and other than a few good weeks here and there, I'm miserable. I'm using all the techniques I've learned in therapy, but I can't help but wonder if I should have that colonoscopy done when I turned 40 (which is exactly what I'm not supposed to do, according to therapy. I'm supposed to wait two weeks and reevaluate if I still feel that way). And if I have a few good weeks, then I forget about the blood that causes me to panic.
I guess I don't know what to do anymore. The thought of going to my GP scares me. And as I've been reading through all the threads, I see myself in so many of them. Meaning, my symptoms are the same, so why am I panicking?
I'm trying to do everything right. I have my prescription of nifedipine, I'm eating better, I've got a concoction I drink before bed to make my stools soft, but one set back and I'm toast.
How do you deal with the emotional side of this? The one filled with so much anxiety that you want to stay in bed?
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