Does anyone feel like this?

Posted , 1 user is following.

Im in a rough patch here. I have eye ailments..i cant write them out they scare me too much. It is what it is and i know that but better for me leave it at that. Ok so i was looking at these new led streetlights and i see a fuzzy haze around the actual light. Yes i have already seen specialist and am being watched. ***I Have diagnoses please lord dont write any.  This is the issues i was at the eye doc specialist two weeks ago for some testing.but i didnt know to say anything.  I have one really bad habit here im terrified to say everything i feel is happening to me. I let the testing speak for itself.  It does or has so far. Reason being specialist like to cut and do stuff that can or can work ***and like a total idiot i have been in the forum for people with eye issues and of course they provde the scariest crap i ever read. I Have mentioned to the doctor i see weird. Thats all i could get out of my mouth.  Because i have optic nerve pallor (amongst other diagnosis) thats going to happen. Anyway here is my problem. No one wants to hear about my eye stuff, its scary no magic and its draining. Thats how i feel anyway. My Husband writes it off or he is gets antsy hes guy himself with certain  things and medical stuff is not his thing at all. He gets impatient or ansy or scared but he doesnt have any anxiety disorders, or at least not to my knowledge. He tends to get short tempered or changes the topic. He okay otherwise but not comforting for me on this one. Now if someone told me i go to the dr. Honestly i was there within  the last month. I have to go every six months now, used be every months. I feel guilty here for being scared. What is this?  My problem obviously is im panicky and thinking the worst scenario but at the same time i have issues some no science fix for yet and want it all to just be okay.  im feeling guilty for worrying about myself..does this make sense at all to anyone? Its weird

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  • Posted

    Just wanted to add i have mentioned weird stuff that has transoired in the past and was told "yes i imagine you would see weird with what you have". Its not like im a total idiot and have never said anything. So that plays on my mind. I dont want to incurr the doctor to do a procedure if its not needed either. And i feel i teeter on that very fine line. I never ever should have went on those eye  forums and i knew that but i did??

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    • Posted

      You are not an idiot at all, Lisa! You're an intelligent, kind erudite woman and you'd better believe it.

      Honey, we have all gone on Forums  we should have kept well clear of, at some time or other. We're only human and when we're scared we seek reassurance and at times it might be in the wrong place but..but we've all done it!

      you have frightened yourself. I understand that. It's horrible being afraid. Please dearest, try to calm yourself. You strike me as a strong woman where others needs are concerned. Be strong, be kind to yourself now. If I could wish for anything one thing right at this moment it would be to hug you and hold you until you felt "safe" again!!!

      Much love, Helen xxx

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  • Posted

    Oh honey! Why should you feel guilty about feeling scared? It's the most natural thing in the world when we are worried about our eyes! When i was told I had a blood clot behind one of my eyes I nearly peed my pants and that's the truth. It was only self preservation of dignity that kept me upright.

    I truly understand that voicing fears out loud makes them "real" to us. But ignorance is not bliss. Not knowing ignites imagination and we all know where that leads, don't we? Only when we know what the issue is can we deal with it.

    Now you know, don't you,that if you cannot voice your fears then you must write them down for the eye doctor?  Do not fear the worst dearest. If you cannot "talk" to anyone about this please private message me!!!!!!

    I hug you dear, my heart hugs you xxx

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  • Posted

    Dear Saint Lisa.....yes, that is how many of  us see you. Your halo does not need to be polished at all times.biggrin

    Let me speak about thoughts and fears. Speaking them out loud will not make them more real. It is important to vent all to at least one person you trust. You need to get those fears, terrors, worries, OUT OF YOUR BODY.

    Speaking them out loud releases the stored up energy behind them. Holding them in to grow and fester and get nastier and nastier, will not cause them to be real either, BUT it can convince the body they are real, and so physical symptoms happen. Not really real, but real to your mind and body.

    Confession (speaking things our loud that need to be released) is not only good for the soul, but for the mind, emotions and body.

    Sit down and give you body a real praise session. I do this all the time. Right now, as you know, I am dealing with cirrhosis, soooo, I spend time every day talking to my liver and praising it for the amazing job it has done and is still doing hour after hour, after day, after week, after month after year. I pat and kiss my hand or arm. I remember to treat my body the same way I would treat the body of a lover. After all we are to love others as we (first) love ourselves. And of course, I love you darling girl, and I believe in you.

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    • Posted

      Oh Ciacry Love you dear !

      Wonderful post!

      As you know I regularly tell my symptoms to f**k off and leave me be. Very therapeutic, lol. I sit and brush my head in the evening. It's lovely and soothing and energizes blood flow. Any port in a storm, eh?

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    • Posted

      Oh cia i know you are going thru a lot. I have added you in my prayers. You are doing affirmations. I do that too. Thank you for your kind words. I have calmed down and surrendered it better then before.The forum i went  in knocked me for a terrible loop. My own doing. I will do whatever the doctor feels is best scary or not. But hopefully Monday he will tell me all is well. When he better return my phone call haha. Anyway you have your hands  full big time here so i do appreciate your kind words. You and Helen are wonderful people. I did vent it all out to helen haha poor helen  thru pm before..but it did calm ne down. Thank you both so much. 
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    • Posted

      My mom always viewed a lit candle as a sign of hope. A light in the darkness. I use vanilla candles ( reminds me of home and Austria, sob)

      Tonight I shall light two and place them in the window, One for you, Lisa, one for Cia...My "heart" friends

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    • Posted

      Lghting a candle in the dark of a window when the earth appears still, when it is quiet as though the world is holding its breath, it feels very spititual even if one is not religious. Many years ago, when there were "troubles " in Poland, our family would light a candle every night for them.smile

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    • Posted

      Hang on a minute! Before I do any catching In wanna know how much you weigh! I've got a bad back, doncha know....well, I've got a bad everything  from the ankle up...and a new pair of feet wouldn't go amiss, come to think of it

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    • Posted

       Roared with laughter!   Excuse me, I'll have you know I am cute, trying doesn't come into it. It's a bold faced lie to say I am anything other than adorable....or is that horrible ? ...or could it be unbearable? ....Or..

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