Does boyfriend have a mental illness?

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Ive been seeing a guy who'd id already known for over a year. The first 6 weeks were brilliant but then he lost his job and a load of other issues came to light. He was too scared to have sex (we hadnt slept together) because he'd been abused as a child, he had PTSD, anxiety and had tried to commit suicide in the past due to a girlfriend ending things. He sunk into an alcoholic fuelled depression but i stuck by him and after a month of shutting me out he came back and snapped out of it and we were ok again. He thanked me many times for standing by him and said i was his light through it all. 

However, his Auntie was in hospital dying and his mum was this emotional wreck who wouldnt let him out of her sight so i barely saw him. But he was adamant he knew he wanted to be with me, and he also got another job and said that we could 'take off' again and that he loved me. We've both said all long that none of the issues are anything to do with our relationship.

He turned up the next day with jewellery to say thanks for not giving up on him and that it was to prove he was in it for the long haul. Unfortunatley, i was a bit hormonal 🙄 and started to ask when i was actually going to spend time with him as he was never allowed out of the house and that his mum shouldnt be putting all this pressure on him. He was quite tearful to begin with as he said himself how much it was exhausting him and he said that maybe we should put the brakes on things before one of us snaps and that his feelings wouldnt change and that when things settle down we could pick up again.

I was not happy and made that clear as id waited so long for him and he got extremely upset, took the jewellery gift and left. 

Despite me messaging him everyday, he said nothing until a week later when he was extremely cold and told me 'he made it clear that he had more important things on' and to 'leave him alone'!. This guy said he loved me the day before it all happened and insisted he wanted to be with me, not to mention turning up that day with jewellery!. Ive left it now, hoping that if i sit tight, he'll miss me. Since then, ive spoken to someone else who knew him vaguely and they have said they think he 'tells elaborate stories' and now looking back over the last few months i know there have been things that im pretty sure he lied about, not to do with me or him as such, but almost to get attention and they were all almost about him being a victim. Is this part of a personality disorder? The last few months have been so up and down, apart from the beginning 

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Yes!!  It sounds like he is all the place. And there's a reason his mum is watching him like a hawk..  Hopefully he is getting the help he needs to continue living life-- therapy, meds, etc....

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately i havent heard a word from him now in 2.5 weeks sad i dont know how he could cut me off so suddenly. I think the Auntie in question has actually passed so im hoping when all the dust settles he may reachout to me, but i think he may be the type that once he's burned a bridge he doesnt go back...

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  • Posted

    To be honest it sounds like he has some deep rooted problems. 

    I can understand that you want to be there for this guy but by the sounds of it he doesn't want you to be.  I think your best option would be to focus on your life and try to put this in the past.  If he wants you to be there he would contact you.

    It sounds like he has family around him and they can be there for him along with his Community Mental Health Team and GP.

    Just one thing though that I did notice.  You put at the beginning that he "snapped out of it".  This is the worst thing that you can say to a person suffering from mental health issues.  It is not something that you can snap out of.  It is an illness and has to be taken seriously. 

    I hope that you can move forward and this guy can get the help that he needs.  But for now focus on you...

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply

      The last time he was like this he said he didnt want to be around me but after he said he was glad that i did and that i was the only thing that was conisistent in his life- thats why i tried to do the same this time.

      I get the 'snapping out of it' comment, ive never actually said that to him, as ive read that that is not a good thing to say! Im just saying thats what happened the last time, that as soon as he made contact again he sort of came out of his black hole.

      I have actually reached out to him via email asking that we dont waste our original friendship as our 'relationship' never really took off anyway but im not betting on a reply right now

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    • Posted

      I think you have done the right thing by sending him an email offering him the help.  I would for now just leave the ball in his court.  You have offered the hand of friendship so now it is up to him to either take it or ignore it.

      Don't waste your life though waiting around on a maybe.  You have the right to a life too.

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