Does depression can make you think you don't love someone?

Posted , 10 users are following.

Hi, I'm sorry if this is really long.

And an apology for my writing, I am nervous and English is not my first language

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1.5 years and it's the most beautiful and loving relationship we've ever had. He is just everything I've always wanted, he is caring, funny, smart, i love everything about him

I've always knew he wasn't felling right with himself, and that he was struggling with sadness, I advised him to go and see an specialist but he never wanted. I remember that some days he cried saying he wasn't enough and he was a failure but then the next day he has happy and even though I wanted him to express what he was feeling, he never wanted to talk.

This time I started noticing him really weird in December and in February I realized he wasn't the same in our relationship, in all this time i though it was me and i was kind of afraid he stopped loving me, I started felling really anxious about everything i used to do with him, because I didn't know how he would react.

Last year if we weren't together we used to talk for hours on the phone but the past couple months he barely wanted to talk, he told me I was the only person he really talked, but for me that wasn't enough, I started to fell guilty and I started to give him more space but still that wasn't what he wanted and didn't help him.

Last week he told me he wasn't sure about his feelings towards me, he thinks he just doesn't love me any more. For me hearing this was shocking, he asked me to take us a break in our relationship while he tries to find out what is happening with him, he just says he feels empty, that he can't feel anything. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, he lost the passion for certain things.

He also thinks he has failed me and i just don't know how to handle this thing. He says he cares about me so much, that its difficult for him to break up with me today or in a future, that he doesn't have the strength to do it. I asked him the time where he started to fell this way with himself and in our relationship, he told me the same months where I started to suspect that something wasn't right

Some days he talks to me like nothing has happened, other days he says nothing. I don't know what to do, he doesn't what me to leave but also he doesn't want me to stay. I hope anyone cam see this and give me an advice

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi . For the last few days I wanted to ask something like that in here . I m in a similar situation, it s just that me I m the one with anxiety and dont know what I want anymore and what I feel . I m in a long relationship , and most of the days I m wondering if I still have feelings or if I still want to be with him .So to answer your question , yes , I think it s possible when you have anxiety/ depression not to know anymore what you want . some days I feel like I want to break up and then I feel like I cannot live without him ..and you feel stuck . I dont know what advice to give you , its hard for us as well cause we are confused . some days I feel guilty that I cannot let him be happy and has to leave with a person who's constantly worried and negative about everything . maybe it's the same with your partner

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  • Posted

    Continue to remind him how much you love him and that no matter what he thinks you'll always be there for him. Continue to encourage him to see a specialist.

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  • Edited

    I think it's time for you to take care of yourself properly. And in your case that means realizing what a huge toll this relationship is taking on your happiness and well being and then making a tough decision - the decision to vacate a situation that started out wonderfully and then slowly deteriorated.

    During the bloom of the first days of a love affair even a depressed and probably bipolar person like your boyfriend can ride the high of it all and appear to be the perfect man.

    But as time passes and the glow wears off your boyfriend's chronic depression comes to the surface and you begin to see what a roller coaster ride you're in for with him.

    Your boyfriend unfortunately is only capable of sustaining the early first phase of meeting someone new and the excitement that brings with it. When it's time for the relationship to begin maturing his depression prevents him from holding up his end.

    I hope you can realize how unhealthy this situation is for you and make the right decision to cut it off.

    You deserve the love of an emotionally stable partner.

    Very best of luck to you as you navigate your way through this phase of your life.

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  • Posted

    Yes I agree that it's time to look after yourself and what YOU want. It's too easy to get bogged down in his needs and wants and leave yours by the road side.

    My other thought is if his depression is affecting his relationship with you then if he is that invested in you why isn't he willing to seek professional help? If he refuses that then I would just stay friends and look for someone who able to give you the relationship you need and deserve.

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  • Posted

    Hi Edith, He needs to see a DR as this is at the very least depression, if its early on, the better...if he has a history of this, your relationship decisions may be different, if its a pattern, etc.. you need to decide if it is something you can continue to deal with vs. if THIS is NEW for him...I have a little different take on things, if you're talking about a relationship you want to be permanent, we don't give up when the going gets tough and our partner is suffering, wouldn't you hope, if YOU were having depression, anxiety and etc..that your partner would try to help you & not give up on you & the relationship...just because one of you needs help at the moment, is confused, feeling terrible...doesn't mean your relationship is doomed & you cant go on to have a great relationship, couples need to TALK more than anything, and preferably w/ a can still take care of your needs and support your partner...if someone is in deep depression they can lose their connection to people, things, even their emotions(they can describe feeling nothing, numb, strange, very little love, joy or even dead inside), have hard time concentrating, making decisions is very difficult, as you don't know if the depression is making you feel that way, or if you REALLY do feel a certain way, (all caused by imbalances of certain brain chemicals, stressors, which there are a lot of right now)some push people away or even withdraw, which makes depression worse...he may have bi-polar or is conflicted at the moment, he may feel like you deserve better than him & his issues, he may REALLY want you to stay & to stay with you but, pushes you away as he feels like he doesn't deserve you....YOU have the ability to call it off at ANY TIME but, you also have the option of trying to help him, by talking your truths to each other, going to a counsellor together, helping him through treatment...if it all gets to be too much, its YOUR decision...figure out how you REALLY feel, WHAT you're willing to do & set-up some boundaries/red lines for your relationship...e.g. if he refuses treatment, to help himself, shuts you out...tell him you love/care for him & would help him in any way but, you cant make him get better ALONE & when he is ready you are there for him, if he doesn't come around, in a timely manner, you will need to decide if its over then...most people will experience depression at some point in their lives, it would be sad, if he could be helped with CBT, counselling, meds & etc...& get better, esp. if its early on in his depression and this would make your relationship stronger...AND if you already have had too much, I think your instincts are telling you, or leaning one way or the other...sometimes we need to listen but, you can get help for yourself on how to deal with a depressed partner, ways to help, or ways to leave the relationship as friends, or cut ties have options, its YOUR set the timing & rules..Good Luck & BEST WISHES💒🌈♾🐾🎶☮

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    • Posted

      Hi, sorry if my answer it's late, and thank you for your advice and wishes..

      For me has been hard to understand what are his thoughts and his feelings; and this makes me overthink everything what i said to him or did together, because I just want to have some answer for hundreds of questions that I have for him but i know that neither him has the answer.

      I've spoke to him on the phone and he sounds like he is ok; he is on therapy right now but i'm afraid that our relationship is never going to be the same.

      As time goes, I've realize it is fine for us not to speak because I end up saying things or asking something that makes him feel under pressure and he end up being a little bit rude or more distant towads me.

      He is fine when he speaks with someone but he does not like when the person ask him about his feelings and the situation.

      I do want to wait for him and stay with him but it drives me crazy not to know the reason why he stop loving me. It hurts when a relationship ends but, it hurts more not having a reason why this ended. We were happy and we still had many things to fight for, dreams to complete and i don't find any logic reason why it ended up.

      I will continue giving the space he wants hoping one day we are ready to speak about our future

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  • Posted

    The short answer is yes, it can. Depressed people have loved ones around them, but because of certain things they think they are not lovable. This is not true, everyone will be loved by somebody, even Hitler was loved by many and look at the problems he caused for millions of people.

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