Does my girlfriend have bipolar or some mood disorder?

Sorry this is so long, I’m sorry, I would really appreciate any reply.

I’ve fallen in love with a fantastic girl with one major problem, her mood.

Her mood swings severely. When she is tired, stressed, pms-ing or feeling down, she can be so hurtful in what she says. She can get so upset over what I often feel is insignificant details. And then apologizing and telling me I’m so kind, and she is not worth my effort, and then I have to convince her she is good enough. This cycle happens at least once per week, more likely two or three times.

I’m not giving up, showing a lot of patience, and I know she really loves me when her mood is normal. But her mood controls her; she is like a totally different person when she’s very sleepy, stressed, mad or upset for some reason. I don’t know what to do, I really love her.

She lives halfway around the world. I’ve met her two times during since we started communicating 4 months ago. Both times she was completely normal all the time, not a bad word, no significant mood swings. Sweet and respectful all the time, the best time I’ve ever had actually.

But while we’re communicating online things can be very different:

Like once I showed her a picture taken in an abandoned graveyard, the picture itself wasn’t scary or anything. According to her it was extremely inappropriate, making her cry. She (Balinese-Hindu) blamed that on me being an atheist, and she was very close to just cut all contact. It took a few days of convincing and then things were back to normal.

I once told her something about what she meant to me, and used incorrect grammar, past tense, she too it very literally, like I didn’t love her anymore, and there was no way I could have made a mistake in grammar. If a sentence can be interpreted in a bad way, she is sure to go with that interpretation. Mistakes often don’t exist. When some Malaysian brochure had put the Indonesian flag upside-down it was reason for a diplomatic crisis in her opinion, and when I said it could be a slip and wasn’t representative of all Malaysians, she blamed me of being insensitive and not seeing the seriousness.

Then after our first meeting she suddenly became very sensitive about talking about anything future-related. Like she would worry about our/her future, anything having to do with that would make her very upset. We once started talking about my patronymic surname; I mentioned what I’d like my kids to have as surname like that. And her reply was like “So weird. Then make your kids with yourself!”, “bye”, “haha, I think the next meeting can probably be cancelled”, “so what if I regret it, haha, I don’t”, “i am gonna block you right away”, “I thought i was gonna forgive you”. Next morning it’s like “You are a kind person”, “I dont think i deserve you”, “Would you kiss me?”

Another sensitivity is not responding to a message, but this is not a problem unless she’s already in a very bad mood. But if she is feeling down then she would leave me over it unless I talk to her and try to convince her for a few hours.

Once during our second meeting I followed her to her car, and when I walked back I walked quickly across the street, she took this to mean I was uncomfortable in her country. She was upset about it, and my real reason for walking quickly across a road (because of traffic) would not convince her. This led to a conversation that was really hurtful to me, next morning, when she came back, everything was OK again, as nothing had happened. This time the cause was stress from studies and tiredness.

Once she called around midnight, I was supposed to wake up at 5:30 to go to work, after talking to her for an hour on a very bad WhatsApp connection, I didn’t call her back after it disconnected, and instead I told her I was in desperate need of sleep because of my early work. She replied her short “ok” which in itself indicates she had a problem with it. Next morning she was very upset about it, she only posted a meme saying something like “I can’t sleep!” “Well I can, good night!” It then took half a day to get her back into OK mood. Cause was most likely just sleepiness when it happened.

I once helped her with an assignment for her studies. I had spent many hours on it, and showed her the nearly finished result. She was not very pleased, it wasn’t up to her standards, she was really upset, like “I want to be alone today”, “I can do it myself”, “If you couldnt understand me, better be silent”, “And that really makes me feel bothered”. She even posted publicly on Facebook “I thought you understood me”, clearly directed at me. Then half an hour later “I am sorry if i hurt you” “you deserve better than me” and then after a lot of convincing and sweet talk I ended up doing the task to her standards, spending 14 hours on it, most of my weekend that I was supposed to spend with my parents. This was all caused by her perfectionistic standards following not-too-good feedback on an assignment, crisis maximization.

Other typical things she’d say when upset is; “is this a good time to say goodbye”, “I’m so close to blocking you right now”, “haha bye”, “it was good knowing you”, “maybe we’re not supposed to be together”, “hope you find someone better”, “we better just be friends”.

Is she bipolar, is it a mood disorder, or just her personality, what can I do?

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