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Firstly, I apologise if this is the wrong place to post this. If this is the wrong subforum, please move it to the correct place.
I'm from the UK and I assume most viewers/posters here are also from the UK and have an NHS doctor too.
I'll give a brief history of my treatment: I went to the doc around 12 months ago complaining of foul moods, low self-esteem, anxiety and desire to commit suicide. After explaining my difficulties with Fluoxetine and Citalopram in the past (which I abruptly and naively stopped taking due to the side effects,) I was prescribed 15mg Mirtazapine. This helped to improve my moods to some extent.
Back then I was asked to make fortnightly appointments with the doctor and after a few weeks they raised my dose to 30mg in the hope of improving my moods further. I was doing well with them except that my anxiety had remained the same as it was. I made a point of saying this every time and yet none of the doctors did anything but nod their heads ambiguously and said that the Mirtazapine [i:6f1c7f1bc5]should[/i:6f1c7f1bc5] be helping.
Now, 12 months on, I still complain about my nerves at my appointment every 2 months. I rarely leave the house, don't work and finished full-time education months ago. I don't claim any sort of benefits nor do I ask anything of anybody and I pay for my prescriptions. The docs keep suggesting to me that finding a job will help my self-esteem and I completely agree... but when I can't walk in to a supermarket without palpatations and gut-wrenching butterflies how do they expect me to face interviews, new people, new environments, the possibility of rejection and being taken from my comfort zones?
Perhaps I make the mistake of saying, \"I'm doing fine,\" when I walk in to the doc's office because more often than not, I'm in and out of his/her office in under 90 seconds. I smile and avoid making sob stories because it isn't what the doc wants to hear and I hate disappointing people. My life situation is not making me want to kill myself but making me not want to live. (Sounds the same, but it's slightly different.)
Sometimes I feel like I'm not worth the doc's time and that I don't merit any sort of professional's attention because I cannot attribute my feelings to a life event (e.g. rape/abuse). My nervous nature also makes it difficult to voice how I feel when I do see the doc.
Does anybody else share any of these experiences?
P.S. sorry for the depressing essay.
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