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does your stress levels make things worse

Posted , 6 users are following.

alilou66
alilou66

hi everyone , i have been diagnosed for about 3 years now , but in truth i think iv had this for much much longer , i have had every arthritis test done about 3 times and been in hospital for a long period , which come up with fibromyalgia , i have 5 girls , my youngest are twins of 11, i lost my lovely dad 18 months ago through cancer , he was a hard working lovely man who everyone loved and he was only with us 6 week after being diagnosed with stomach cancer , i felt like my whole world was going to crumble sad , i was left looking after my mum who is disabled, my husband and 3 of my dependant girls , things have gotten really bad since dad died , it just seems to have divided the whole family , i have been trying my best to keep thing afloat and now my 2 eldest daughters have fell out with me (over care of my mother) (they are down as her carer and driver of her car) yet they were not doing the jobs was left on her own by them  and my mother fell badly and i found her on the floor of her sheltered flat and she had been there from day before she is now in hospital (6 week)i am left to all the visits cleaning her clothes and she is very demanding gets quite aggresive at times , but i just dont think i can do much anymore ,my pain is excrutiating,and i just want to stay in bed all the time , thing is , is she is about to get out of hospital soon , and i find myself worrying more and more about having to try an look after her when she's home , i just know i cant do it no more , i dont think i have ever felt pain like this in my life it is all over my leg muscles like cow bites ,my neck has got so painfull and stiff , now my arms and elbows are starting to go the same , i just want to block the whole world out and stay in bed , my husband and children are understanding and do what they can ,but i know i cannot continue with looking after my mother  the 2 eldest daughters have just stopped going in to see her or doing anything for her , i am at my wits end dont want it to come across like i dont care for my mum , but i just cant do it no more , it seems to bring out the worse in my condition, i dont cook much no more i have to try and run my own home my mothers and  my business has nearly come to its end because i have nothing left in me , any advice would be grately appreciated thank you for listening x

1 like, 17 replies

17 Replies

  • Sorrentogirl
    Sorrentogirl alilou66

    Posted

    I am so sorry to hear of your stresses.  I too definitely believe its stress related.  I have had also and still have so many things causing me stress and like you just cannot cope everything.  I am certain its your body not being able to cope. I have never been able to sort things and my family have no understanding and are content with me being out at work over 55 hours per week and coping with elderly parents etc and when I get more stressed the pain becomes unbearable, it takes over my whole body.  I just wish earlier I had been able to sort any problems rather than for this to happen, like you, its difficult to find a solution. I would be curious to know if the pains would stop of stresses were sorted.  Maybe someone could speak to your daughters on your behalf and get them to help I think what you are experiencing is more common than you probably think.  I think there gets to a point where things can only getting better, I hope they do for you.

     

    • alilou66
      alilou66 Sorrentogirl

      Posted

      ohh i know what you mean , i have actually been accused of making my pain up ! by the 2 daughters mentioned , accused of being lazy and wanting to stay in bed all day , and all because at the end of my day i get a bath and lie on my bed after taking my painkillers , its is so good to hear from people who are going through the same things , it has made me realise its not just me , i dont think your pains would stop , as i have had this for many years, even when things were easier for me i still had a lot of pain , i just wanted to know if stress could cause them to get worse or if the condition had gotton worse , because sometimes i am crying myself to sleep with the pain , and no tablet is working right now , i hope your pain eases for you too , its very hard to try and explain to people isnt it ? thank you for your reply
  • jeanne81532
    jeanne81532 alilou66

    Posted

    Yes, stress is definitely a factor where fibro is concerned. You poor thing, you have so much to cope with. First of all, you need to contact social services about your mum, and they need to help you with perhaps a care package for her. You have to tell them about your two elder daughters no longer being involved in her care, and that you are unable, due to your own health. I presume you are an only child, as you haven't mentioned any siblings. Do you run your business on your own? Or can you hand things over to an assistant at all, even if temporarily? Other than that, you say your husband and children are understanding, do they have delegated jobs to do in the home, and the running of it? If not, I would sit them all down, explain you cannot go on as you are, and start delegating. It's sooo important with fibro, that you are gentle with yourself, try to get your life as stress free as possible, and find what works for you. I personally find hot soaks in the bath with magnesium flakes in, hot water bottles to painful areas, and I have had to give up work as I was unable to carry on, both because of physical struggles, but also stress. I feel much less stressed now, and more able to manage my pain. I hope at least some of this helps! Let us know how you get on. xx
    • alilou66
      alilou66 jeanne81532

      Posted

      hi jeanne , no i am not an only child , i have a brother ,he does what he can SOMETIMES, plus she has always favoured my eldest daughter (hence the car ) she has put her before anyone else in the family and its well known too, we have explained it in length to my mother who just does not want to listen,she will not have a bad word said about her , yet gets walked all over by her , when i approached my daughter over it all i just get bombarded with abuse to mind my own business its got nothing to do with me , i have walked away a few times but i know she wont be getting looked after , and if anything happens to her you can guess who will get the blame (me),

      funny you should mention hot baths , one of my things i have started to make is bath bombs and i put one in my bath the other day and it worked for about an hour till i had a phonecall off my mum saying she was just walking out the hospital because no one had been in to see her , i am waiting for a call from her social worker today and i am going to tell them all , that i just cannot do it no more , its going to kill me to do this and the guilt will be much on my mind , but if i dont its going to my immediate family that suffers and i cant do that to them , my babies need me ,i have handed my business over to my friend for the time being , its an internet business and i have some of my items already made up so all she has to do is post them out xx  thank you so very much for your reply

    • jeanne81532
      jeanne81532 alilou66

      Posted

      That's good the social worker is going to call today. Yes you MUST tell him/her everything,and NOT feel guilty. It isn't your fault that your health is stopping you caring for your mum. It's good that you have been able to hand some of the business work over to your friend temporarily too. That gives you a bit of breathing space to look after YOU for a change. Let us know how it goes. Gentle hugs xx
  • tiswas24537
    tiswas24537 alilou66

    Posted

    STRESS is the biggest problem for many health problems 

    when ever i gte stressed and it can be over the sillist things 

    i get stomach upset ,. its had to control , but very real

    • alilou66
      alilou66 tiswas24537

      Posted

      yes i have been getting a very upset stomach , i thought it was all my tablets i have been taking
  • christine26761
    christine26761 alilou66

    Posted

    O' poor you alilou, I'm really feeling for you..you need to talk to a social worker at the hospital and let them know everything...say all what you've told us before your mum is released..it then becomes their job and not yours. pec plain to them that you are just tooo poorly..they will make it so your mum understands....it then passes on the responsibility and accountability to trained professionals, I'm in Australia..just presuming that hospitals have them in the UK too. and please, none of us would  think for one second that you don't care about your mum, we all do understand, you just can't do it..it's far too much for you...Fibro issues are enough to try and handle without more....No wonder you have more pain..that's the stress and it's the worst thing ever for Fibro...really glad you have an understanding husband...you really do need that sort of support..you must realise that you can only do what you can do..and all the worry in the world is not going to change it one bit..so please, for you-please try not to worry-easier said than done I know..but,you must look after you...please

    keep in touch with us all, we really do care and understand.. hope things improve for you soon alilou...have a great day and be blessed..:-) xxx

    • alilou66
      alilou66 christine26761

      Posted

      thank you christine , i am waiting for a phone call today from social worker , i am handing all the phone numbers over to her for the ones that should be caring for her , i feel so guilty though , the daughters are going to have a lot to say i just know they are ,but i need to do this for my babies , its not fair that they should be suffering looking at me they way i am xx i will let you all know when i have spoke today xx
    • christine26761
      christine26761 alilou66

      Posted

      Well alilou that's just terrific....please don't feel guilty. You can only do what you can do...and by doing this it's also solving  other issues too...remember your healthy boundaries..it's ok to say NO..if your daughter is sad..and she will be...your NOT bad..I'm sooo glad that you are bringing in professional help...you really don't need all this trouble..you definitely do have others to think of first too...really hope all works out really well for you...I'll be looking forward to reading your happy catch up posts...you are stronger than you think alilou..God bless you..hope you have peace in your life when this is settled...at least you won't be as stressed and that will definitely help your Fibro Symtoms.....lol
  • Bee70
    Bee70 alilou66

    Posted

    Hi Alilou

    Sorry to hear about your stresses and I hope you can ask for help.  Have you contacted Social Services for help care for your mother ?  You should be able to get care support for her where the carers come to her home and help with her day to day needs.  Maybe if you explain your situation you maybe also entitled to get some care too. It's worth looking into.  Your health is important too and so is your well being.  At times in our lives we concentrate too much on others and forget about ourselves.  You too need time for yourself and I understand when you don't have family support this can be difficult.  You need to make yourself heard too.  It's a challenge I know but once you have cracked it you will cope much better.  Always remenber to take a day at a time.  Stress is not easy to cope with but try to do only what you can and not to worry about everything as you are only one person and not a machine.

    We are all here to offer you support but the biggest challenge is for you to ask for help and learn to say NO when you are in pain.

    Gentle hugs to you x razz

    • alilou66
      alilou66 Bee70

      Posted

      thank you so much bee , at times it feels like i am a machine , i have actually been in tears on way up escalators going to hospital , i cannot walk properly i have collapsed bones in my feet , and with the fibro as well i must of been a right sight , and iv even strted worring about what strangers are thinking lokking at me , i must learn to say no i know that and i will try , i just dont like letting anyone down xx
    • Bee70
      Bee70 alilou66

      Posted

      Be strong and you can only deal with one issue at a time. You should never worry about what others maybe saying. If they were half decent people they would offer you help if anything. Let them be and walk with pride. One day at a time and sometimes letting people down isn't such a bad thing either. Remember your No.1 too!

      Take care xx

  • Flowerlady
    Flowerlady alilou66

    Posted

    Hello Alilou

    Oh dear, you poor lady I really feel for you. If I were your neighbour I would come and help you out, as before i were diagnosed in 2011 I used to be a carer.. And up until Feb 2014 I cared for my 90 year old neighbour till he passed away. I were pegging out washing one morning and he was wandering round his garden, and he came chatting and said ' I must go in now and do my Ironing'. As he had lost his wife 4 years previous, so I just said if you need any help just ask. I ended up over the years doing everything for him, bless him. Can you not get intouch with Social Services to see if they can sort out some care for your Mum? as this will give you a break to tend to your own needs. As I know how difficult it is for us suffer's of this horrid Fibro. Can't understand your two daughter's being like that with their Grandmother, I hope they have left the car with her for you or someone else to use. 

    I am home alone on here most days, if you want to chat. Hope you can get sorted out soon. Anne...biggrin

    • alilou66
      alilou66 Flowerlady

      Posted

      aww Anne you sound just like me smile i try and help anyone i can , i looked after husband and wife neighbours for 6 years when i first moved to my house , i am waiting on phone call today from socail worker , i actually took the plunge an phoned yesterday on a bank holiday , she wasnt in but she's phoning me back , no the daughter still has the car , she's running round the city doing things for herself and anyone else who needs it , she has been spoilt by my mother from day one , and gets all her own way all the time , when i broach the subject with my mum i just get told to leave it !! , so i am going to take the biggest decision i have ever took in my life and tell them today i cannot do it no more , its going to kill me with guilt i know it is , but after listening to lovely people on here i know its something i have to do , the painkillers and antidepressants i have been put on are enough to deal with at the moment , i have a pain patch with morphine in it too and combined with all of them i can just about walk to the bathroom , i'm very very low at the moment , and cannot see a way out , but if i can just be brave enough to tell them all today i am sure it will get better , i just want to be happy again , and smile with my kids again which seems to have been a long way away , i have collapsed bones in my feet and i have asthma too , but with lovely support on here i think i will have a day where i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thank you all so much its lovely to know i am not alone xxx
    • Flowerlady
      Flowerlady alilou66

      Posted

      You will never be alone on here, we are all your Fibro Friends..Hope all goes well with the Social Worker, keep well...Anne..razz
    • tiswas24537
      tiswas24537 alilou66

      Posted

      i get i bs flare ups and other symptoms get worse as soon as i get a more stress ,with me it is the what if's that stress me . 

      my aniexty started in my childhood and has got worse and hinders me daily when theres something new to deal with .

      like i got my pip form i was to afraid to open it and it took a week for me to do it , then i was stressed about getting an apointment with the local charity that fills in the forms ,i rang them today and got one really easy 

      they wanted to give me one on the 27 th but i kept calm and asked if they had any for next week becasue my husband was off and they had two which i had the afternoon one . 

      and then i wanted a acupunture appointment for the day before for some 

      majour calming, and she couldnt do it then she found a slot on the tuesday the same day as my appointment so that went ok 

      what i am trying to say is my emotional brain has been in control since reciving that pip form and iv made myself ill ,for no reason as everything seems to have worked out ok  .so yes stress does make you worse  

      how to deal with it is yet another problem,as the emotional side of the brain controls the physical body . that is the problem i am going back to my self help hypnoses cds .thats a start and this time i shall keep them up .

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