Don't believe doctor!

Hi Joy,

Thank you so much for your reply it has bought a little smile to my face, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through right now it must really aggravate you when people like myself put these posts on when you are living or have been living with lymphoma?!

I completely get everything you said and I believe what they are saying however my brain just won't accept it I know I am feeding my own anxiety which is making things a million times worse and then my mind really believes something is seriously wrong!!

This morning I called nhs direct as I was sitting in the chair and it felt like the blood had drained from my head to my feet and I was going to pass out I then went all shaky and sweaty now to me this isn't normal, I have been feeling like this on and off for a while now.

Over the last year I have had so many different symptoms which doctors just can't pinpoint what is wrong they just put me on anxiety meds and yes it could be the cause but I honestly feel some days like well I dunno just not all there and like it's the end.

I will get the docs to check my boobies again I am sure it's fine but no harm in getting them checked again like you said.

The bloods are know it's not B12 as they told me, it was a fasting blood so wondering if it could be a thyroid or blood sugar issue cos that could explain the dizzy spells and shakes etc.

Sorry to hear they found a brain tumour, does it cause you any bother? I had a ct last year because of migraines and an Open MRI this year which was all clear. Do they know if your tumour is benign?

I can't thank you enough for replying it must be hard reading about other people's moans when your dealing with your own?! Xx

It's never hard talking to other people with problems - it puts your own into perspective which is a good thing. I feel that most of your symptoms are probably caused by an anxiety disorder, which is a medical condition in itself, my granddaughter has recently been diagnosed with this, different symptoms but every case is different which is why it's so hard to treat. It won't matter how many people, doctors friends or people like me, tell you that everything is going to be OK, because of your psychological state, you won't believe them. I personally feel that you could benefit from some sort of counselling. Get the results of your blood tests and while you're at the doctor's ask him if he thinks that that would help you. You may be surprised! As far as my brain tumour is concerned the only thing I have noticed is headaches. But that could be because, like you, I'm stressing over just about everything! Lol. Or, it could be the over powering smell if paint as we've been decorating! Lol again! But I'm a stubborn sort of a girl so no cancer or tumour is going to get the better of me! Let me know how the blood test results go, all the best.

Thank you so much it means a lot really does, its tough at the mo so many symptoms and sensations I don't know what my body's doing, it's in fight or flight at the mo which as an anxiety sufferer I know its downwards for a little while until someone tells me that I'll be ok, I know stress makes things worse but it's hard when your worries about things not to stress which is a vicious circle! I've had a rubbish weekend been really dizzy all the time and shaky, I shall book an appointment with the doctors in the morning to see these bloods and hope that it can shed some light on how I'm feeling, I need a break and break from myself lol I'm even doing my own head in lol I'm only 35, married, mother of 2 boys and I want to enjoy my time with them instead I seem to be just dragging my chin on the floor all the time :-(

I really admire your attitude to life seems whatever it throws at you, you aren't going to let it beat you which is amazing, I think I'd crumble in your position xx

No you wouldn't, don't underestimate yourself. I have my very bad times, usually at night when I'm on my own (hubbie and I sleep in separate rooms as we both have health issues and need our sleep!), when it's dark both in the room, and in my head. Convinced I'm going to die and worrying how my family will cope without me. Then I give myself a good talking to, think about all the nice happy things that are going on in my life and look at the optimistic side of things. Yes, I've had Lymphoma but it was only stage one as I found the lump early, took immediate action and have a great GP. And yes, I have a brain tumour, but it's very small and if I hadn't have had the cancer I wouldn't have had the CT scan and it wouldn't have been found til it was a lot bigger! So you could say that I'm one very lucky lady! Your problems will get sorted out one way or another, anxiety disorders can be treated and you will come out the other end stronger and wiser. Have faith.

So went to see my GP yesterday and all my bloods have come back ok, apparently my crp was slightly raised but nothing to be worried about at all!! Everything else is where is should be which is great news, I also got her to do the breast examination and she could feel the little lump I felt but said just feels like a lymphnode and to keep an eye on it, she doesn't feel that there is anything to worry about at all (which again is great but I'm a worrier) I've had a lot of pain where the lump is but she said that's a good thing, I really need to have a little faith in my docs and believe what they are saying but I've been feeling so poorly for so long it's getting me down! I get horrendous continuous dizziness with sweats and shakes for no reason I guess it might be something I have to live with!

How are you feeling today? X

Did you tell your doctor about the dizziness, sweats and shakes? If not you should have. If you don't tell your doctor everything she can't help you feel better. If she can't find anything physically wrong with you it must be psychological, in which case you could need counseling for an anxiety disorder. So if you didn't tell her make another appointment. I'm fine, had cancer check up yesterday, so far so good. If I can get this pesky brain tumour fixed I'll be sorted. I'm too busy to be ill lol. Let me know how you get on.

They know all about the dizzy spells as I have been having them since last September, I have had 2 ct scans and a private MRI and all was good inside my head! They think it's vestibular migraines something silent without the headache! The sweats and shakes they put down to sertraline the anxiety meds that I take especially the sweats as it's a very common side effect apparently, they want me to try and come off them. Some days I'm great and others I'm a quibbling mess, it's just a pain as I've to small children and like you I don't have time to be ill or wallow in self pity but sometimes it's hard not to!!

I know exactly what you mean, but sometimes I find that a bit of self pity seems to take control and I have to work really hard to shake it off (not always successfully!) But, I get there in the end. Now you have been reassured by the doctors please, please come off the meds, you will feel so much better if you can lose the sweats and the shakes. I had an absolutely appalling menopause and was on HRT for many years until all the health scares were made public. So I decided to stop. The only way to come off long term medication that you have become reliant on is to do it very slowly. I was on one tablet a day so for 4 weeks I took a whole tablet on day one, half a tablet on day 2, whole tablet on day 3, half on day 4 and so on. Then for the second month I took a whole tablet on day 1, half a tablet on day 2, half on day 3, whole tablet on 4 so it was one, half, half, one, half, half, one etc. Then the 3rd month it was whole, half, half, half, one and so on, so you can see the pattern decreasing the dose very, very slowly. I found this lessened any withdrawal symptoms. Is there any migraine medication that you can take?

Hi sorry for the late reply I've been feeling pretty crappy this last few days just worried lots at the moment as I am really off balance and not feeling at all right, my neck where I have the node is aching and I'm stressing big time about various things which I know isn't helping things.

I am taking a tablet every other day at the mo to try and come off the anxiety meds but I'm feeling I don't know what if it's side effects or something going on, I know I've had clear ct and mri but I'm getting pains at the back of my head and shooting up the side of my face, I just feel a bit off a mess and want to have a good cry! I have made an app at GP tomorrow as I'm still worried about neck lump and just wondered if it could be the answer to all my dizzy issues?!?! I know you said you first noticed a lump behind your ear, my lump is on the muscle from the back of your ear half way down, yes I've had a scan in it and they said it was a reactive node but it's never gone down and is now aching! I know I'm getting myself into a state as I'm getting heart pulpertations and shortness of breath! I know I sound like a head case but I'm scared tbh it's a pretty pants time!

Sorry to moan and go on, hope your ok x

If you're going to GP tell him everything you've told me in this message. If you don't believe what the doctors have told you nothing I say will make you feel any better. The more you stress and panic the more symptoms you have and the more you'll go round in circles. It's a vicious circle. This is what leads me to believe it's all psychological, an anxiety disorder. For the sake of your marriage and your two young boys get yourself back to the doctors and for God's sake tell him everything you've told me. Sounds to me that counselling would do you a lot more good than a cupboard full of pills. Let me know how you get on.

Thank you, I will, I know it's a vicious circle and I don't help myself, I'm not afraid to admit I've got health anxiety (well I'm pretty sure that's what it is)! I just want to go back to the partially healthy 30 something year old I was a few years ago, not the worried wreck I am today!

Makes me feel such a phoney when you are dealing with all the things your going through and your helping words to others.

I've laid it out to them before hence the anxiety meds which isn't always the answer and they've been great they really have but I need to get to the root cause I know this otherwise I'll spend my life in a spin!

🙁

Which is exactly why you need counselling, not pills. You say you wish you could go back to the worry free thirty something that you once was. So what was the point that you changed? What was it that changed you from worry free to how you are now? Was there a specific event? Why are you now so obsessed with your health?

I think it was after I had the kids and I lost my mother-in-law to cancer 3 years ago that it all started to go down hill slowly though it's not just come on over night it's been niggling on for years and I've just become an obsessed mess of late! Pre-kids I had the odd thing but I'd never obsess I'd go to doc get it sorted and move on but now it's one thing after another and I'm embarrassed that I am like I am, I guess because I don't feel any better or have gotten any better I have a hard time accepting what they are saying and I know I am probably the main cause of my issues and I have tried having a good talk to myself but my mind has its own mind and tells me otherwise, in a way I guess it's some kind of OCD checking this and that and looking to see if things r the same on both sides, there has to be a root cause I'm well aware x

Having children can make you very aware that others are dependent on you now and therefore you have to look after yourself. And losing someone close to cancer can make you feel that if it happened to them it could happen to you. Those two things combined could possibly have caused you to become neurotic about your own health. As you say, almost OCD. And if your mother-in-law had a very bad time before she passed away there is also that fear in the back of your mind too. I really feel that you urgently need counselling more than, or as well as, meds and would really like you to push for that. If your GP is unwilling to refer you seek a second opinion or change doctors. Keep in touch, just getting it off your chest can help, stop you feeling isolated.

So I've been back to the doctors today about my dizzy spells and my neck lump fears and he wasnt the least bit concerned he did a few Neuro checks, checked my neck lump and was happy all was well, he can't explain the dizzy spells at all just something I may have to live with! Said my Brain MRI in Jan was clear so I shouldn't be worried (but still am)! I have opted in to counselling so maybe I need a combination of this and a healthier lifestyle to feel better?!

Thank you for listening to me x

Emma I'm always happy to listen. Sometimes just getting things off your chest and telling someone your concerns can make you feel better on its own, especially to an outsider. I'm pretty sure the dizzy spells are stress related so you'll probably find that when you're established with the counselling the dizziness will diminish. When do you start?

Meant to add, an MRI of the brain is very accurate, I have a very small brain tumour, 10mm, and an MRI had no problem finding that so please have confidence in what your doctor has told you, there is nothing to worry about.

Ah thank you, I have to put a form in today then wait to be contacted so it could be in a matter of 4-6 weeks! It's just a distressing time and I think I have worried myself sick to the point I have wound myself up and now I'm stuck in a cycle! As I've said before I have a hard time believe it what they say more so about my dizzy spells as even when I'm chilled doing nothing they come on and make me feel terrible!

I hear what your saying about the MRI scan I've even got a copy on a disc as I had a private open MRI due to clostraphobia and it was all clear, it's only because I get daily headaches that the old BT niggles in my mind.

I know I need to train my brain into thinking that I am ok and to believe in my GP but when you have convinced yourself for so long that you have a illness that you are going to die from its pretty tough going x

Hi Emma. The headaches are probably because you're constantly worrying. It's excellent that you will be getting counselling and I'm sure it will help. As well as that have you considered hypnotherapy? A couple of friends of mine have had this for different reasons and have found it very effective, it could possibly help you too? Could be worth a try if you can afford it.