Don't know what is best to do???

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Had a rubbish weekend following 2nd assessment. lots of things have been playing on my mind, visions of stuff that has happened in my past nothing as drastic as other people but has affected me. I have struggled again todya been out for a walk i nthe snow yet again, visited my g/kids for some inspriration. Lied in front of the fire, afraid to say been on the drink yet again, cut my stomach debating ringing someone just to sound off but NHS24 I've annoyed last week so not too sure about contacting them as I will have a black mark by my name, samaritans not  sure either or jsut go out in the cold to try and get some sort of feeling. am i making excuses to myself??? to escape yet again???

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  • Posted

    Got to go to work tomorrow too, don't want too as warned how to talk to other collegaues I thought I had been ok, no one had complained I just hate everything, work. life myself what I've become? just a waste of space what is the point in living????
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  • Posted

    Hi Tina, 

    First, curious, are you on medication?  Not that I'm recommending that - steer clear if you can!

    You are stuck in a place of negativity, and your thoughts about the past and thoughts in general creating more suffering.  And that's just it; our thoughts are the reason we suffer!  

    We don't have to have the thoughts we have, and we do not have to be defined by our thoughts!  It becomes a habit to ruminate negatively, actual brain circuits being tripped with yet another go of the same thoughts making those wires stronger.  But, awareness is key.  Just NOTICING that you are having those thoughts is the first place to start.  You catch yourself, and tell yourself "Hey, stop, I don't have to do this to myself!"  Because the past is just a story, really.  And the future, well, no one can predict it so spending time worrying over it does you absolutely no good.  Can you say that at this very moment, you are ok?  Because we only really have this moment, Now.

    Next, you must practice kindness to yourself.  Think of yourself as that innocent child you once were, and think in terms of loving and protecting her.  She deserves your love and protection and nurturing.   Don't judge yourself.  Step back from the thoughts, observe them, and decide that you aren't going to buy into them anymore.

    I'm going to send you a private message with a link that you might find helpful.  It has to do with mindfulness and presence.  You've surely heard people talking about meditation, and it plays a very big part in progressing.  The thing is, only YOU can decide to do the work to change if you are unhappy with how you've been.  I was there.  I spent much of my life judging myself, hating who I was, feeling I was never good enough.  I finally got so sick of it, I just couldn't live like that anymore.  You have a choice to break the circuits now and get on with having a more satisfying life!

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    • Posted

      A lot of stuff males sense when i can concentrate, but I struggle to do stuff, I'm currently doing a course called Stepps the chapterI;m on I am struggling with don't have my appointment with my CPN for another week to discuss if she is back to work as been of sick. I think I have to accept stuff before I can move on and do the next stage. I will wait to see what this assessment brings up as this is suppose to come up with a conclusion what the next step will be concerning treatment. A lot of repeating there but I am so confused and my mind is going 1000 to 1 goodness knows how I am going to sleep tonight.

      No I am no longer on medication as I thougt and psychiatrist that it was doing no good, on my sixth week off mirtazipine, stopped after a slow taper from 45 to 15mg. luckly no side effects apart fom the odd upset stomach. Yes i do hate myself too that's why I seem to take it out on myself....

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    • Posted

      Do you feel you have more trouble concentrating and the thoughts, does it seem worse?  Because that can be a withdrawal effect coming off mirtazapine.  Coming off antidepressants causes a protracted withdrawal that can last for months and even years, but the doctors don't recognize it and say you have relapsed, so be careful.  Your taper was likely not slow enough, if it was 45 to 15 and then off over the course of a month or six weeks which is what the docs usually tell you to do.  Having trouble concentrating is a withdrawal symptom as well.  I'll send you another link for a withdrawal symptom check list.  It is very difficult to do the work you are trying to do when in withdrawal!  You still need to try, but don't be hard on yourself because you can't seem to do it.  You must stop hating yourself!  Nobody deserves that!  Withdrawal also makes everything exaggerated, so just keep that in mind.
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