Don't know what to do or say

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hello. My partner has suffered with bouts of depression and the last episode was 8 years ago. It was severe and he ended hospital because he was drinking heavily. He isn't drinking now very often now which is good. He has become ill again and the doctor has put him on anti depressants. The problem is he gets so angry with everyone and everything and rants and shouts at me when we try and talk.about it. I just seem to make him angry. It makes me so sad and lonely. He says I don't understand but I am scared of it getting as bad as before. He was very aggressive then and said very distressing things to me. I dont think I can cope if it gets that bad again. I want to help but his anger and shouting makes me clam up and I can't help then. I avoid talking about it with him as I say the wrong thing and annoy him. I don't know what to should do to help. He thinks I don't understand.

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Poor you, I totally understand.  I know that I have said and done some terrible things to my partner when I have been depressed.

    I don't have the answers or the right advice, but I know someone on here will have, so bide your time and they will answer.

    I just didn't want you to feel that you were being ignored.

    You must be a really lovely person to put up with all that you do, I hope that he will realise what a diamond he has when he feels better.  Remember that depression is an illness.....he probably loves you more than you could know.


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  • Posted

    Depression makes us say and do some awful things. But knowing that does not make it easier to cope with. Have you thought about emailing a mental health charity like MIND? They could offer you some support.x
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  • Posted

    I know what your going through, I have a 26 year old daughter who's been going through depression for the last 5-6 years, she's tried taking her own life, she self harms and she's even locked herself away from the world, she never left the house for 5 years and locked herself in her room for 3 years she stopped seeing family and friends and ended up so alone, she always shouted at me and really said some nasty things, yes it got me down and yes it hurt and yes I'll cry when I was alone in my room, I was scared to say anything as I felt I was always wrong as that's how she made me feel, every Xmas was horrible as she would never want to know, I tried getting her help but found no one listened to me, said they could not do anything unless she did it for herself as she was a adult, well last Xmas she tried to take her life again, but this time I could not take no more and told the hospital I want her sectioned but they would not do it and told me she was a grown adult and I had no say,, but I argue we'd till I was black and blue and told the hospital until they get me the help I'm not taking her home, I saw a social worker told them my concerns, I went to the gp and spoke to them privately and told them how I felt how it was effecting me and told them I need help, I made them listen, and it worked, the Drs can't tell you much as patients secrets, but they can listen and advice you, so try speaking to your gp, they can help by getting help for him to talk to someone, and I know you are scared to say anything to him as you feel your saying the wrong thing, I felt that way too, but I was told not to hold it in let them see what it's doing to you and it will open there eyes a bit, I spoke to my girl and broke down it was that that helped her to help me get her help, now touch wood things seem to be getting better for her, with help from social workers, support groups and the mental health team, she's finding the courage to step out side now. Also we found there is a lamp you can buy from lloyds chemist called the sad lamp, it helps with depression. So please don't give up and don't blame yourself your doing nothing wrong, it's what's going through there minds, they can't help it, they just need help, so please make a appointment and speak to your gp in finding him the right help.. Good luck x
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