Don't want to live anymore

so sorry you are feeling so down Vix :? i've had a quick look at your previous posts and you have been helping other peeps, it strikes me that you have nobody you can or want to ask for support or talk to ?? :cry:

are you on any meds, if so what ? :ok: please don't forget, you're not alone, even though it may feel like it :wink: post again or message me and i'll try and help if i can :mrgreen:

cheers,

Ken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rainbow: :ok: :rose:

This is really crap. My relationship is thankfully coming to an end. Honstly...( whoops psychochief) you know me as another name on a different forum somewhere. This morning I woke and rembered what it was that was so bad, flashing by me...ni joke..Im totally stuck and when i cant be bothere to fight itm or im on my own I want to die. I do! i dont understand it My children are 2 of th eloeveliesy young ladies youll ever meet and thats not hard work thats just the way they are, so I cant be like this!

My ex has slandered me with the social services and the only option ive got to , is to prove myself. The trouble being my ex lies and is good at it and clever at it...and i am always shcoked by it....Youd think 13 years down the line youd know when the next strike was going to happen, but noe me! Something else has taken over this situation that want scrub out of my head, and i one minute im pissing myslef laughing saying to folks im all right and cracking jokes about eveyrything and then whilst laughing intears, I guess its like mixing shapmoo dor dry hair and conditioner for greasy hair ( god that took something)

Im still waiting on the fiscal to get back to me after a yuckie crime witch makes me want to actually kill people and not think its wrong to do so! I even have thoughts which momentarily take me over, I sit and I can imagine putting a knife into people when i think about what they are saying ., how insensitive it is, and how the hell would they know? Im on antipsychotics and im sure they are making me psychotic moreso, im sure of it, the only good thing about them is they knock me out at night and i cant function. I think the doctors should have upped my citalopram intake at least on 30mgs i could laugh!

My life feels like its on hold more than ever. Someone pressing the pause switch while all these other people make a decision about my life. Im screaming while on pause and outting the volume up louder and louder an no one hears , just like that night! and the other one and the other one!

What do I do know? I want to disappear with my children!

The socil workedept have it recorde that i am low and drink and have now had 2 suicide attempts, ( which if youreally look into it ) that was only one, the other one was just wanting to left to sleep so not to hear his thumping footsteps or him twitching the buckle of his belt...oh and his belt, he takes his belt into the interview and then goes into the kitchen afterwards and flings it on the worktop , thrusting it past my mum like a tiorture tool, and my dotor says to this \"so what\" so what , ao what????i guess the point im trying to make is its gone on so long and im so confused. I couldnt care less about ever meeting another man EVER! I cant understand them and never will and the only people that deserve happinees are my children..maybe the cat! God I didnt meant to write al this, its just its better than crying and keeping it all in....I might delete in a minute

'Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it's caving in on you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don't exist, like they just want to curl up into a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying \"I don't want to exist\" isn't saying \"I want to go die\". Its saying \"I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel\". I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And if you don't know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.'

Hope it helps other folks too.

Thanks for posting your G.P's saying. It is spot on. I sometimes feel like I want to go for a long walk, and hope by the time I get home everything will be ok. The truth is that all we want to do is feel free, even if it is only for a few hours.

Thanks again.

Madmouse