Dont trust my own judgement

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Hello all. Beeen reading your notes for the first time and it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Been on M for 8 mths, 45mg for last few mths, but now grossly overweight (was heavy to start with) so self-esteem at rock bottom. Gp agreed dropping to 30mg, but after 2 wks I've bad anxiety and negative thoughts repeating round and round. Don't trust my own judgement or my reaction to situations. Not sure if this is withdrawal symptoms or the depression & anxiety coming back. Gp away for 3 weeks, so if you have any thoughts please let me know.

Thanks

J

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  • Posted

    Hello Islander I think that from my own recent experience that you should see another GP or speak to your psychiatrist without delay. I had recently withdrawn successfully from mirtazapine as I had only ever been on 15mg with other meds. I experienced the same anxiety as you only worse than I had ever had before. It was like being on a rollercoaster and I couldn't climb off. I was unable to sleep and having very bad nightmares/panic attacks. I know that you might be feeling disappointed about possibly going onto mirtazapine again and putting on more weight but at the moment your mental health is more important. I'm speaking from recent experience. Your own GP/Psyc might be interested in putting you on a different drug or for the moment increasing the miirtazapine again. I feel just like you flat and lifeless and unsure of myself in different situations. Hopefully your confidence will return again. If these feelings are just withdrawals then your doctor will be able to advise accordingly. It is much more difficult to dig yourself out of a depression once it has taken hold. Just a note about weight gain. I have put on weight too over a stone. I had lost 6lbs. However I am still continuing my healthy eating regime. I'll let you know if I lose any more weight. Pooh.
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  • Posted

    Thank you for taking the time to reply, Pooh Bear,I'm grateful for your words of encouragement. I thought I was depressed but anxiety seems to be taking hold. I don't really want to see a different gp - I've had to change gps twice recently (moved home), and need a bit of continuity. But don't think I can do this for 3 more wks. Feel like I've had a 3day panic attack, and now feel physically ill. I'll tell my counsellor when I see her this wk, but I think she has her own agenda - this lack of confidence & trust is horrible (is this paranoia?) Oh gawd, don't let me have that as well. Maybe feeling nauseous will help me lose some of this weight but I doubt it.

    I do feel better than before I changed to Mirtazapine, but my former life seems a million miles away. I've hated the thought of group sessions, but maybe they do boost your confidence.

    Every so often I manage to look outside myself and notice others - I send kind thoughts and thanks to everyone.

    J

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry that the anxiety is taking hold but I understand your feelings about talking to yet another professional. Does your counsellor have the authority to change your medication? I dont think that a lack of confidence and trust is really paranoia unless you feel that people are ganging up on you or talking about you? These feelings of nausea and being unable to eat are almost certainly the anxiety state that you are in. Are you sleeping at the moment? I'm not sure whether you are to have group therapy in the future? Usually in group therapy one or two people tend to dominate unless the therapist is very good. People tend to act out behaviours that they have done in the past. Sometimes other members overanalyse each other completely missing the point. It might take a year before any progress is made. I dont think it should be a substitute for the individual therapy you already have. These are just my own feelings you might find group therapy suits you really well. Pooh.
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  • Posted

    My counsellor doesn't talk to my gp, so I have to. I think I feel anxious because I'm waiting for unpleasant situations to happen which I may not be able to control. I was sleeping ok but am having problems getting to sleep on 30mg - and waking up still feeling tired. But then last night I slept really heavily and have felt unwell all day. You may be right about going back up to 45mg - I certainly didn't feel like this. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place - weight gain self-loathing on 45mg, or constant anxiety on 30mg. Hmm, can't cope with choices either!

    Regards

    J

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  • Posted

    i felt like this too I didn't want to go back onto mirtazapine as I had begun to lose weight and yet I couldn't get my anxiety under control. I know that these are difficult decisions to make believe me I'm living this nightmare too. You really need to sleep even if it so you can cope with the day a lot better especially if you work or are running a home. I feel a lot more vulnerable if I can't sleep the anxiety really gets a grip. Go back to the surgery if you can even if you can chat with the nurse and ask them what you should do. I am fortunate at least I have understanding doctors. One prescribed zopiclone in the short term not really a solution as I was crying myself to sleep and I was able to see my own GP back from holiday the next day. Try to get some help for yourself before things slide further downhill. Try not to worry about weight gain in the short term. Pooh.
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  • Posted

    Pooh, thank you for your sensible advice. I'll try to have a chat with someone tomorrow. Hope you have a good night.

    J

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  • Posted

    Hi

    I was told by my psych to just stop my 15mg straight off without tailing it off.I didnt think id had any side effects although the anxiety is bad there no question of going back on it for me I have to move forward and am on depakote now.I dont know whether my anxiety has got worse or not because I feel like im in a sea of pain.

    Jox

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  • Posted

    Jo would you agree that you have had a severe depressive breakdown with psychosis quite different to a lot of people posting on here? That is probably why the mirtazapine stood no chance working on its own and you needed a different type of drug regime. Hopefully the mood stabiliser and the anti psychotic olazapine will work better for you. I do hope so. As you know I am on three different types of drug to try to keep my symptoms in check.
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