Drinking and Relationships.

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I'm an alocoholic. I always have been - since I took my first drink, aged sixteen. 

I'm now fifty-eight. I drink in an effort to escape physical pain -caused by a collapsig spine -  and to try to escape the pain of grief. 

My elder son died two years ago. It was sudden. It devastated me. And I'm alone in my grief. Can't talk to my family. They don't WANT to talk. 

My increasing pain and loss of physical mobility means that I can't even get to the cemetery, to place flowers on my son's plot. It isn't my fault, but I feel so guilty. And, so, I drink. Ad infinitum......Yes, I've been to AA. Hah! I was such a regular member of a local group that I had my own chair! But venues for meetings were gradually removed. And our local bus service became less and less. Now, there are no meetings to which I can go. I don't drive and the bus service from where I live stops at quarter-to-six of an evening. Yes, tere are meetings in my town; they are however, at the other end of town to where I live. With no bus, and being unable to walk that far, I'm somewhat stuufed! So, I go on drinking. Alone......Only time anyone offers me help is when I have an outburst of emotion. And then, all I'm offered is a psychiatric referral. That amounts to me being told that I'm not ill enough to qualify for help...... 

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  • Posted

    I  am alcohol dependent - Alcoholic is such a severe name for an addiction.  I understand your circumstances as I drink to drown my grief too.  Wine is my friend - makes me feel confident and happier.

    I too was referred for psychiatric/psychology care.  In fact I went around in a circle being passed from one service to another Now I am due to start a home detox.   Is your GP supportive, there is a lot of help out there if you pursue it.  I know detox is not the miracle cure and I know that I am going to have to put an enormous effort to keep off the wine. 

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  • Posted

    I didn't have the same sort of problems you had/have, but my marriage was causing much stress. I was diagnosed with alcoholic liver disease in June 1997 and have been in hospital for tests ever since. The side effects from my excessive drinking caused many serious problems, for example, I had a big operation in 2010, in 2012, I developed a very painful incisional hernia, which I have to live with. The surgeons will not repair it, due to severely low

    platelets, which is a result of the cirrhosis. I could go on and on with nasty effects caused by drinking. I have written this, as I am wondering if you have suffered operations and procedures from your long term drinking?

    iv also haemorrhaged badly in 2000 and had to call an ambulance at 2am,

    got referred to haematology..had transfusions and more horrid tests.

    i still get tempted by a drink at times, mainly if I have to face a stressful meeting.

    if I knew I was going to have to go through all these medical side affects from drinking, I would have kept well clear of the bottle.

    i assure you I am sympathetic towards your problems, just want to warn you and others, of the ordeals that can ensue.

    Take care Maggi7

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    • Posted

      Marob - you can get out of your situation.  You need to have strength.  This is my first detox and I feel strong that next Sunday will be my last alcoholic drink - well I hope so.  I have been in situations where I  have made a fool of myself - been aggresive and ended up in A&E - I dont want that to happen again, I felt disgusting and oh so sorry for what people have had to do for me ,like looking after my dog!    Wine is not a sweet word - wine is a demon!
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    • Posted

      Patricia - you dont have to follow in your dad's footsteps.  My dad died at 67 had had a hard life, smoked a bit, drank beer a bit.  Im new to this forum and am next week starting a home detox , my first and I really hope to get through it and not drink wine again.  I will support you and I would like support back.  I know its hard sweet - but you dont have to die at 64 there is a lot of help out there if you will only ask
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    • Posted

      I wish all the luck in the world, Pauline.  And yes, I would be happy to support you.  I will look out for your posts, you sound like an amazing lady, so I am sure you will make it.

      Pat xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Maggi7,

    WOW, what a rough few years you seem to have had and I'm sure I can speak for all the readers when I say we all sympathise with your situation. You must realize though, that you can't allow it to continue like that for much longer. I know it's not easy but you have to change the way you think about things. From your post you don't say why you started drinking in your teens but after that there is always an excuse for drinking, or not stopping drinking. You have programmed your mind, over a long period of time, to pass the responsibility for your drinking on to other things and it really needs to stop now. It may seem very harsh to you but you must now accept the responsibility for your drinking. Bad events happen in everybody's life, all the time, but you must not then talk yourself into it being a reason to drown your sorrows. You need to focus on something good you can aim for, that's acheivable. How about putting all the money you spend on drink into a jar and then use it to buy flowers and pay for a taxi to visit your son's grave. I sympathise with you because what you need to do is so difficult, and psychiatric help, especially CBT may be your only solution. It will never have a chance to work though, if during the therapy something bad happens which you can then blame for starting drinking again. I wish you all the best for the future. You've a long and difficult road to follow but why not  start on that journey right now. Tell yourself that today is the start of your new and better life. Make the aim for today to get through the rest of the day without a drink. You can do it if you want it badly enough but it may take a few attempts. 

    Kind Regards... Alex

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