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Drowning please help!

Posted , 3 users are following.

sam18386
sam18386

I feel I have to comment today as I have been told by my doctor's receptionist after they archived my past notes, whether I was raped or not when I was 19, I just feel sick!  My husband wants sex but I just feel too afraid, I've ran away and left him to it as I can't face this right now.  We're due to have ivf next month and I now don't know if I want to go ahead with this either.  I'm just so scared of any of this and just feel so lonely!  My sisters didn't struggle to become pregnant and I feel if I have to have ivf I'll let the whole family down.  My ivf counsellor was a pile of rubbish, spoke about the negative all the time and even asked if we'd considered adopting.  Is this man forever going to ruin my confidence with men and does it need to now hang over my head?  I feel so sad today, speaking to this group is my only way of getting things off my chest, please send me hugs, I've done everything every health professional has asked but the one thing I want I can't have!  It's not right, I put everything on hold for everyone else, but now don't even know if I can go ahead!

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • jojo1234
    jojo1234 sam18386

    Posted

    Sending hugs.

    You can get past this! I was raped at the age of 23 and thought my life was over. I still have PTSD and am on medication. The rape caused me to have severe problems with my cervix and I was told I would never conceive. I did. The whole pregnancy was traumatic because I could have lost her at any time. I had my daughter 10 weeks early due to my cervix not being strong enough but she is now 10 and thriving.

    You can get through this! PM me if you ever want to talk.

    • sam18386
      sam18386 jojo1234

      Posted

      Hi jojob71, thank you you have just given me a cause for hope, I was prepared to throw it all in and give up!  I just would like the chance to try having children naturally ( well through ivf which my church will see as unnatural but never mind).  If I fall pregnant after all we've been through it will be a miracle and I will tell you 1st even though I've never met you but feel I know you already! Thank you very much good luck for you too!
    • jojo1234
      jojo1234 sam18386

      Posted

      Don't give up! My friend had IVF and conceived through that. She had a natural birth and her son is eight now. She fell pregnant naturally a year after having her son. It does happen! You might not feel like sex at the moment but it will happen.

      Feel free to PM me. I'm happy to talk.

      I'm quite alone in my PTSD. My husband doesn't understand it at all and I have to hide it from my daughter and appear normal. It's good to talk to people who have been through the same x

    • sam18386
      sam18386 jojo1234

      Posted

      It's such a relief to find someone who understands what we're going through, I thought we'd never have any happiness and always thought it was me and the hang ups and problems I had from the past.  My husband finds it hard to keep an erection so may be the problem isn't with me, it can't be as everything got so bad last monthly cycle that I ended up hitting my head in to a brick wall due to low blood pressure.  Never again, the comments I received were ridiculous and people reckoned my husband had pushed me, I was drunk etc etc.  PTSD is a lonely illness, far more than depression and whilst I think depression is a serious issue I think ptsd is so misunderstood it's worse.  What happened to you or is it too hard to say?  I'm not trying to pry and upset you just trying to be friendly.  If you feel you need to talk then do comment back, I may not get on the computer very often but I'll try to help when I can.  I live in Leicester in the Midlands how about you?  We could meet up if you're not too far away.
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