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Hi all where do I start🤔🤔
5 years ago I had to have major spinal surgery after an accident, I have had about 15 operations since then and there is now nothing they can do, I am 39 and been medically signed off work by my insurance company. I am finding this really difficult in not being able to work as I have had to work from a young age due to my dad not being around so work was a big part of my life. I can’t sit for more than 30/60 mins at a time and the same with laying down. So I get on average 2 hrs sleep a night and for 5 years I feel like I am a 90 yr old.
When I had my surgery to have titanium rods screw and cages and springs put in my spine, they also damaged my nerves to my legs, so from the knees down I can’t feel anything and they also damaged the sacral nerve , when I had the operation the placed a catheter in as it was a 8 hr operation, the didn’t retract my foreskin properly, when I came around, I felt a lot of pain down below, where they had not retracted the foreskin properly it caused me to have a permanent erection, I called the sister over and as I was laying flat and wasn’t allowed to sit up she had a look and said I had a paraphomosis , after some ice treatment and a needle to remove the blood, that didn’t work so I was taken back in to surgery to have a circumcision, the first one became infected so I needed a second to clean the infection and I then needed a 3rd as it was still to tight. I have what the surgeons say a tourtiise style as they don’t think they can remove more skin but because of the pain I have now been left with being unable to get aroused, I need plastic surgery as I have been left in such a state, but the waiting list is 2 years + or go private.
This has had a knock on effect with my wife, because the sacral nerve damage I had to also have my prostate removed. My wife after the last 18 months has and is finding it hard we can’t be intermit together. I have offered to try many things but she isn’t in to toys etc. And says she wants a man.
I feel less of a man everyday, my depression is getting worse, I see the psychiatric team and they just up my meds, and sit and nod when I discuss and don’t get any feed back.
For the Last 5 night I have been taking an overdose hoping not to wake up but it didn’t work. I’m a big lad so it takes a lot to knock me out even when I have had surgery once I woke up in the middle of the operation. Last night I took 20 x 30/500 cocodomol, 50 mg of diazepam, 150 mg noratryptilin, 240 mg of duloxatine, 75 mg mertazerpine as well as targinact 40/20 x 2. I know this is wrong but I know if I go to hospital last time they just did bloods and told me to go home and sleep it off.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel I can’t support my family, I can’t give my wife what she needs, I’m 39 and so unhappy. I just want to close my eyes and not wake up.
Any advice ?
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