1. Community
  2. Bones, joints and muscles
  3. Fibromyalgia Syndrome

Dumped by someone who "couldn't handle it"

Posted , 6 users are following.

elise13
elise13

I just got dumped by someone who told me he didn't think he was nice enough to provide the type of physical and emotional support I need. (I often struggle to walk.) I'm jealous that he had the ability to say "I don't want to deal with that", and I can't blame him for making the decision I wish I could, but still. It's so disheartening when something you hoped wouldn't happen actually does. I don't have any control over the fact that I need a lot of support, and it's probably not going to change. Has this happened to anyone else? How did you get over it?

2 likes, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • nikki1734
    nikki1734 elise13

    Posted

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but I know how you feel.

    I've only been diagnosed with Fibro for the past year, but I also have a skin condition called Hidradenitis Supperativa which has left ugly scars in intimate areas and affects my mobility a lot of the time. I also found out several years ago that I'm unable to have children.

    Like yourself, I've had men end relationships because they don't think they're up to supporting me, and because they're not willing to sacrifice having children to be with me. And as much as it hurts to hear it, I respect their honesty, no matter how brutal.

    I wish I could give you the magic answer on how to deal with it, but I'm still looking for it myself. The only thing I can say is that I just tell myself that's it's not my time, and that my Mr Right is coming, he's just got delayed. Its not the answer you were looking for, but I hope you can tell yourself the same thing.

    Keep the faith that your soulmate and your time for love will come xx

    • carole28488
      carole28488 nikki1734

      Posted

      Nikki:  I live in the USA, state West Virginia.  I get really hot, and then really cold.  Also, do you seem to get out of breath when you try walking say from a parking lot into a store.  My back hurts so badly that I feel as if I'm going to faint.  Are you exhausted with the slightest activity such as rying to run your sweeper.  I have a doctor appt. this morning, but it is so hard to get her to understand how much pain I'm in...I am on NSAIDS now.  That helps, but it makes me sick to my stomach and also kind of dizzy.  I also take Tramadol...that helps, too, but most of the time I feel like a zombie..Luckily, I'm retired, but on disability...Do any of you have these symptoms with Fibro...I didn't know I had it until a few months ago.  The doctors were blaming everything on my spinal problems...This is the pits..I would appreciate hearing about all of your symptoms, too...Sometime I think I am going out of my mind....HUGS.

       

    • Chatty
      Chatty carole28488

      Posted

      Hi Carole, I too am suffering the same as you not being able to walk very well and the shortness of breath trying to push myself walking and having to keep stopping because my back is so painful. I get so frustrated because I have walked every where as I have never driven a car, and now I can't even walk to the park with my granddaughters! Yes so I know exactly what you are going through I have been like this for 4 yrs now and I am also so fed up with the tiredness and my body being stiff when I get out of bed in the morning , it is so painful! X
  • sarapainfree
    sarapainfree elise13

    Posted

    awww this is so sad to hear sending u hugs hope u find someone that can be man anuff and nice anuff to except your condition and help look after u I too am a fibro suferer x
  • carole28488
    carole28488 elise13

    Posted

    Elise:  I'm so sorry that you are having trouble keeping relationships because of Fibro.  I have scolosis and spinal stenosis and I always thought that is why I can't walk properly.  Now, I've been diagnosed with Fibro, too.  I refuse to give into a wheelchair unless I start falling on my face.  I've had a man friend for over 14 yrs., but he is losing interest in me now because I can't go out walking, or just do simple things that I used to be able to do.  I guess he will find someone who can meet all his needs and travel and have fun, but I take to my bed for hours every day because I'm so exhaused I can hardly breathe.  This is just something that there is no cure for, so don't blame yourself or anyone.  Just concentrate on taking care of yourself, and don't let your immune system get down where you will catch something.  I was in the hospital for pnenomonia a few years ago, and I almost died, due to almost giving up.  Stay strong, sweetie...We are all in the same boat.  Feel better, especially about yourself...HUGS.
    • deb97936
      deb97936 carole28488

      Posted

      Hi carole...  I also had a man friend who lost interest due to me not being able to keep up, walking, snorkling etc..(would take me forever to get my wetsuit on as my hands were in so much pain)..  I was also sleeping lots through the day and he is the sort that is up at 5am and off to work, always on the go, hugely active.  Like I once used to be.

      We never lived together.  Talk about 'chemistry!!'....  hahaha

      We are still good friends and always will be.  However, I wouldn't cross the line now into the 'friends with benefits.'  As I am quite happy to have my memories.  

       

      WOW aye.... sharing some of my 'deep self' here! hahaha  Bit of an open book...  

      I also now have lost my legs more so now over the past few years.  And in the last two years my hips/abdomen lock up.  I get caste where I am standing, and I can sometimes lose my bladder a bit, due to the agony for some reason my muscles fail or spasm and I have no control of my bladder.  I do have a few verterbrae in the lower spine that are squished up, and I think that also doesnt help matters.  I alway make sure now that I empty my bladder before going shopping!!  Embarrassing when it's in supermarket!  Thankfully though no-one actually knows.

      In the last year though my ankles and feet have swollen for long periods of time, and they are  to the point you wouldn't know they were my feet!  They are like balloons with five fat swollen things poking out.  The painful aching get to much to bare.  

      I have never had my feet and ankles do that before, but my arms and hands do if I over do any physical activity.  My hands swell, finger to, and my tendons stick out like taunt guitar strings.  My fingers won't move at all, and I am unable to hold a spoon let alone a knife and fork, or due up zips and buttons.  My arms/neck/hand and fingers become so agonising for weeks on end.  Stiff and crippling.  Sadly my lower torso as I mentioned is much the same now to.  I have always had bad balance issues since my head and spinal injuries after a MVA.

      Keeping ones immune system healthy is tricky, as the Flare ups an the sweats drain me and my immune system takes a heavy wack every time.  Now is a daily issue, as the pain, aching and stiffness is worse now after all these years and it's constant with no remission time out.  Seems for some we get worse as time goes on.  It gets more debilitating.  I now have to use an elbow crutch or both.  I dread ever having to use a wheel chair!!!

      And I also had pnuemonia 3 months before my MVA.  I was seriously ill and almost died to!   I never even knew I was sick till an hour prior to collapsing... GP sent me home and never properly assessed me, never even took my temperature, yet I was rugged up freezing and aching when she came out to see me in the waiting room!  Said if I wasn't any better the next day to go back or to A&E dept as it was Friday. Doc rooms not open on Sat.  She gave me a couple of paracetamol and a jab of voltaren in the butt, because I said I was aching all over.

      I had to be carried/dragged into the A & E dept that morning.  I was deathly ill that night and not able to communicate.  My daughter took my temperature and flipped out as it was 39.6..  my brain was cooking...   from A&E dept I was ambulance with a shunt in my hand to the hospital.  It took the hospital 4 days to try to sort out what was working and what wasn't, and I relapsed within a few hours at one point...  Phew!  so glad they did finally nut it out as I only had a day or two left to live.  

      One thing I recognise with the Fibro is the same 'Chilling bone coldness, the painful aching', that one can experience with pnuemonia. It can be sometimes on parr with pnuemonia, when your bones, so cold feel like they are protruding through and leaving your skin through into the mattress and beyond. BUT with pnuemonia  I recall my mind/brain feeling like it was recessing into a black recess.  It was awful..   

      With my Fibro flares I get the painful migrain/s..  dizziness and burning.  Not the experience of the pnuemonia..

       

  • deb97936
    deb97936 elise13

    Posted

    elise, I understand it can be quite demoralising and it can knock your confidence.  BUT you are educated enough and your strong enough to accept it can be very hard for some folk to accept being totally a sole 'power pole, a constant support person' and not have anyone to bat for them in a similar vein when they need a power pole.  They would feel the drain...

    It does take a very special sole partner, to want to live, love and be not only a loving partner, but that special Power Pole, and supportive person.  However it also DOES require 'us, the Fibro etc afflicted', to be able to know when to back off, and not drain our partner.  We cannot allow ourselves to 'pull' the other down and drain them.  I'm not saying you have or do this at all, don't get me wrong.  But what I feel is, some folk think they can live, love and be that special someone in our afflicted lives, and no matter how we try not to pull on them or drain them, 'they', (the some folk) will realise, just as your X/partner has, that 'they' cannot cope.  They come to that realisation, it is to much a sacrifice of themselves going forward in their life.   As in time they will begin to sadly resent the situation, as much as we resent our Fibro etc.

    Your a strong person elise, and it takes that special type of person who is 'inlove'  to be honest and allow a 'loved one' to go on and live.  

    Again the old saying, 'if you deeply love and care for some one enough, you can set them Free.'

    Age and experience teaches us a lot, doesn't it.  

    It is not to say we don't love, or have never loved, or never will, or 'wont.'

    True mutual respect, and love comes about in many forms, even when it doesn't have a constant physical presence.  It leaves that special something that binds you, and it teaches you!  

    Good on you for being honest and unselfish.  

    I left after 17 years, as my X wasn't at all able to cope with me being slow and in pain.  I never asked anything of him ever to help aid me, but he just 'didn't like' my issues and lived in denial.  He became even more resentful over time and more abusive.

    As for later sharing and caring deeply later for another, yes I have.  BUT I could never live with anyone again, as I would not put my disabilities on the table and expect that anyone could or should cope with me.  At least not now anyway.  BUT who knows aye!??   One never knows what is fated.  One doesn't have to always live with another to truly have and share mutual deep love, respect and caring of another.  And that is fact.  

    Be kind to you, love you first (even with fibro etc)  and continue to be strong with who you are!...  Again love comes in many forms and sometimes when you least expect it, it finds you.  :-)

  • cherl450
    cherl450 elise13

    Posted

    Hi their so sorry to hear this hun men can be so cruel sometimes but you will meet a man who will love you unconditionally and be their to support you , although this didn't happen to me my husband gave up his work and became my carer and he does a fab job. But like you I have a lot of trouble walking and that and it makes me so angry and I often feel jelouse that my hubby can do everything were I can no longer do it even typing this hurts me but keep smiling, we are all here for you love and best wishes xxx cherl

  • deb97936
    deb97936 elise13

    Posted

    My goodness aye!!!  Folk, sorry...lol...  can you tell I don't get out much!  by my long winded Novels!!!    sorry bout that...  It's either feast or famine...
  • kaz_40
    kaz_40 elise13

    Posted

    Hi elise13 Im so sorry to hear what has happened to you. my heart goes out to you.Ive had fibro for over 10 year only got diagnosed in 2014 our condition isnt easy for us to handle people around us find it hard too. I am married but it has put a strain our relationship. my husband does find it hard to cope with looking after me. I struggle with walking when I go out which isnt very oftern.  I have to be pushed in a wheelchair. I did ask my husband if he wanted to walk away because of him struggling, he said no. some couples have split up because of fibro. remeber none of this is your fault you disnt ask for this condition nor do you want it. all you can do is take a day at a time concentrate on you and your well being. treat yourself to something nice. like having your done or nails. I find being kind to ourselves and having a treat helps. if you have a local support group join that. its always hard when a relationship breaks up. you will get through it but things are very raw for you at the min. find ways of keeping your mind occupied so your not thinking about it surround yourself with friends family. take care big hug coming to you 
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.